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One thing I learned some years ago is to always avoid being the agent for someone else's humiliation. Even if that person is blatantly wrong, all you'll do by c
by jordanb 16y ago
One thing I learned some years ago is to always avoid being the agent for someone else's humiliation. Even if that person is blatantly wrong, all you'll do by calling them on it is create an enemy.
One trick I've used many times to correct someone without embarrassing them is to couch my own feedback in conditionals, something like "You've been studying this a lot more than I and I'm sure you're probably right but I seem to recall reading a bit ago that an md5 sum isn't a sufficient way to hash a password, you need to do more processing."
That then gives them an out "yeah I looked into that and I'm pretty sure this is best practice but I'll check again" or somesuch. Probably 80 percent of the time, when I frame it like that, I'll see a followup saying that they've gone back and discovered the right way and will be doing it that way.
The really nice thing is that people are appreciative when you treat them that way, and far from creating a new enemy you'll have earned respect and trust from that person.
- acconrad 16y agoThis coincides with that great article on "How To Ask Questions The Smart Way" (http://www.catb.org/~esr/faqs/smart-questions.html http://www.catb.org/~esr/faqs/smart-questions.html), because it is often the case that the most effectively a question is asked, the more effectively the question is mitigated (and subsequently discussed).
- Ratfish 16y agoIt's interesting how great a baring the quality of the question has on the quality of the answer. Good questions get (usually) good answers. I regularly get caught in the crossfire resulting from poor questions resulting on poor answers.
- aaronblohowiak 16y agoYes! Helping people save face is more useful than jockeying for nerd dominance. Other approaches to do what you suggest: "I think I read an article that compared a few different password hashing strategies, I'm interested in your thoughts..." (and then follow up with a good comparison that makes the point) "Have you compared X, Y and Z?" Tone is important with this one, but it can be the most straightforward. "At the last place I worked, the paranoid guy insisted that we do X because he thought it was better -- it was just as easy to implement, is that something you'd be open to?" When all else fails, you can follow up in private! I think the key in any of these exchanges is to offer new information in a way that doesn't question the judgement of the other individual. Basically, assume that everyone is rational and differences in judgement are due to differences in information/experience. Then, when someone makes a judgement different from yours, you are merely giving them the information that lead to your decision -- but leaving them to make up their own mind. Most people are more ego-identified with their judgement than with the information they have.
- joshkaufman 16y ago"Helping people save face is more useful than jockeying for nerd dominance." Welcome to my quotes file.
- deleted 16y ago[deleted]
- j_baker 16y agoIndeed. Another method that I've had success with is framing feedback in questions. Bad: This variable name goes against our naming conventions. Please change it. Good: Why did you decide to go against our naming conventions here? Did they hamper readability? Not only does it keep the other person from becoming defensive, you might actually discover that they have valuable insight.
- nostrademons 16y agoIn general I agree, but in your specific example (assuming that there's a universal coding convention that everyone is expected to follow), I think your "Bad" is better than your "Good". If something is obviously wrong, call it out, simply and factually. Chances are it was a simple oversight, and "Why did you decide to go against our naming conventions?" sounds passive-aggressive. I find questions most useful when the issue really is a matter of opinion, and they're just as likely right as you. For example, "why did you decide to key this webpage's data by content hash instead of by URL?" This is a sincere question - there may be arguments for both approaches, and the point in asking is to tease out those arguments and figure out what actually is the truth. It's an acknowledgement that you might be wrong, and not an attempt to paper over the certainty that you're right with diplomatic phrasing.
- MartinCron 16y agoI learned that lesson the hard way... Getting fired because your boss can't stand to hear "I told you so" another time is pretty humbling.
- runevault 16y agoPart of why I try to avoid SAYING I told you so, or even giving smug looks. IME you don't have to say anything and if you don't rub it in but keep quietly trying to be correct, you can start to make headway.
- Ratfish 16y agoDoes "I told you so" ever work in any situation? It only ever makes people mad. Unfortunately being right can't be pointed out in many situations.