If I want to invest my money somewhere it will earn a return, what are my options? Bonds, CDs, and other fixed income pay very little. "What about a 50% crash

If I want to invest my money somewhere it will earn a return, what are my options? Bonds, CDs, and other fixed income pay very little. "What about a 50% crash?" people ask (about equity-heavy portfolios.) Given that the Fed has seemingly adopted an additional mandate of supporting equity prices (see: 2009, 2012, 2016, 2020), I don't think there's any political will for a sustained dip in equity prices; therefore, the most rational choice seems to be to invest into the market.