I was exactly the same way and being that way is what got be terminated from an employer I worked 7 years for. After that, I took a break for a few months to do

I was exactly the same way and being that way is what got be terminated from an employer I worked 7 years for. After that, I took a break for a few months to do some soul searching and decided even though I spent a decade of my life becoming the developer I am today, that I had hit peak intellectual satisfaction with programming. Although I haven't changed careers, I no longer have a romantic relationship with programming--it's simply a means to and end for me. You may not have to change careers because odds are it's your environment i.e. "job" that's toxic. Once I started doing independent contracting it felt like this massive emotional burden had been lifted that allowed me to have energy to focus on what really mattered to me. I'm doing things now that I thought I would never be capable of because I didn't have a formal background in fields I ended up not pursuing in school but wanted to. So now instead of learning new programming languages I study other topics like mathematics and chemistry. I think the act of making a "career" or business out of something you enjoy in some degree makes it drab and boring. The best minds in any scientific or technical field aren't "professionals", they are always in a constant state of "play"--which is true for the most prolific programmers that I can think of. So my advice is to give yourself a license to just have fun! Don't guilt trip or second guess yourself: go by that textbook or go take that course etc you've been too afraid to read or attend.