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The author’s argument that crying at work is seen as more acceptable for men than women doesn’t really align with my anecdotal experiences. Maybe I just live

The author’s argument that crying at work is seen as more acceptable for men than women doesn’t really align with my anecdotal experiences. Maybe I just live in a bubble where men crying is more looked down upon than women crying. Any other commenters willing to share their experiences with this?

true_religion 6y ago
Most everyone will view crying as acceptable in some circumstance. Whether it’s death or a child, or loss of money, or deep frustration, everyone has a limit above which they consider the trauma a reason to cry. The author might conclude, that many people think that men have a high trauma threshold before shedding tears or to put it in a other way: men will only cry for “good” socially acceptable reasons. This means that even if someone is crying for the loss of their sports team, people looking on will assume the tears are for a good reason and won’t inquire. Their stereotype influenced their expectations.
- pmiller2 6y ago
  > Most everyone will view crying as acceptable in some circumstance. Whether it’s death or a child, or loss of money, or deep frustration, everyone has a limit above which they consider the trauma a reason to cry. And, as a flagged comment mentions, what we should be doing here is not so much as work shouldn't be a place that induces crying. As for outside circumstances leaking in, sure, that happens, and it will continue to happen as long as workers are humans and not robots. Spouse got a terminal diagnosis? Totally okay to cry. Traumatized by bosses, coworkers, customers, _etc._? No, that shouldn't be happening. Using tears to emotionally manipulate people? That double shouldn't be happening. I don't know where losing sports teams fall on this continuum, but I'd rather not deal with tears in the workplace because some people I don't personally know didn't score enough points in a game. This is not a men vs women issue, although I believe it's at least willfully ignorant to think that men and women can "get away with" crying in the same circumstances and at the same frequency. I have no idea if the author didn't suffer from his crying at work because of white male privilege or not, but, work is work, a business relationship, and crying is not conducive to maintaining a business relationship, IMO.
cafard 6y ago
I've seldom seen people cry at work. I suppose the author could be correct. People thought John Boehner was a little odd for crying in public, but I imagine that a woman politician might be more harshly judged.

true_religion 6y ago

Most everyone will view crying as acceptable in some circumstance. Whether it’s death or a child, or loss of money, or deep frustration, everyone has a limit above which they consider the trauma a reason to cry. The author might conclude, that many people think that men have a high trauma threshold before shedding tears or to put it in a other way: men will only cry for “good” socially acceptable reasons. This means that even if someone is crying for the loss of their sports team, people looking on will assume the tears are for a good reason and won’t inquire. Their stereotype influenced their expectations.

pmiller2 6y ago
> Most everyone will view crying as acceptable in some circumstance. Whether it’s death or a child, or loss of money, or deep frustration, everyone has a limit above which they consider the trauma a reason to cry. And, as a flagged comment mentions, what we should be doing here is not so much as work shouldn't be a place that induces crying. As for outside circumstances leaking in, sure, that happens, and it will continue to happen as long as workers are humans and not robots. Spouse got a terminal diagnosis? Totally okay to cry. Traumatized by bosses, coworkers, customers, _etc._? No, that shouldn't be happening. Using tears to emotionally manipulate people? That double shouldn't be happening. I don't know where losing sports teams fall on this continuum, but I'd rather not deal with tears in the workplace because some people I don't personally know didn't score enough points in a game. This is not a men vs women issue, although I believe it's at least willfully ignorant to think that men and women can "get away with" crying in the same circumstances and at the same frequency. I have no idea if the author didn't suffer from his crying at work because of white male privilege or not, but, work is work, a business relationship, and crying is not conducive to maintaining a business relationship, IMO.

cafard 6y ago

I've seldom seen people cry at work. I suppose the author could be correct. People thought John Boehner was a little odd for crying in public, but I imagine that a woman politician might be more harshly judged.