4 ms·

We need to talk about crying at work

10 points by sharkweek 6y ago

draw_down 6y ago
This is upside-down, I'm afraid. The problem is not that it is oppressive to tell people they shouldn't cry at work, though I suppose that is true. The problem is that the work (really- the stress, the social dynamics, the pressure cooker of the corporate workplace) is making people cry. For all the talk of privilege and oppression, the author can't make that connection. It's a shame.
stallmanite 6y ago
The author’s argument that crying at work is seen as more acceptable for men than women doesn’t really align with my anecdotal experiences. Maybe I just live in a bubble where men crying is more looked down upon than women crying. Any other commenters willing to share their experiences with this?
- true_religion 6y ago
  Most everyone will view crying as acceptable in some circumstance. Whether it’s death or a child, or loss of money, or deep frustration, everyone has a limit above which they consider the trauma a reason to cry. The author might conclude, that many people think that men have a high trauma threshold before shedding tears or to put it in a other way: men will only cry for “good” socially acceptable reasons. This means that even if someone is crying for the loss of their sports team, people looking on will assume the tears are for a good reason and won’t inquire. Their stereotype influenced their expectations.
  - pmiller2 6y ago
    > Most everyone will view crying as acceptable in some circumstance. Whether it’s death or a child, or loss of money, or deep frustration, everyone has a limit above which they consider the trauma a reason to cry. And, as a flagged comment mentions, what we should be doing here is not so much as work shouldn't be a place that induces crying. As for outside circumstances leaking in, sure, that happens, and it will continue to happen as long as workers are humans and not robots. Spouse got a terminal diagnosis? Totally okay to cry. Traumatized by bosses, coworkers, customers, _etc._? No, that shouldn't be happening. Using tears to emotionally manipulate people? That double shouldn't be happening. I don't know where losing sports teams fall on this continuum, but I'd rather not deal with tears in the workplace because some people I don't personally know didn't score enough points in a game. This is not a men vs women issue, although I believe it's at least willfully ignorant to think that men and women can "get away with" crying in the same circumstances and at the same frequency. I have no idea if the author didn't suffer from his crying at work because of white male privilege or not, but, work is work, a business relationship, and crying is not conducive to maintaining a business relationship, IMO.
- cafard 6y ago
  I've seldom seen people cry at work. I suppose the author could be correct. People thought John Boehner was a little odd for crying in public, but I imagine that a woman politician might be more harshly judged.
deleted 6y ago
[deleted]
anm89 6y ago
Who is we and why are we being told what we need to do by an unidentified person in the title? Ive got no idea if this article had any valuable content because I refuse to read things with these kinds of titles. If they had something of value to say I would assume they wouldn't have to resort to a threat in the title in the first place.

10 points by sharkweek 6y ago

This is upside-down, I'm afraid. The problem is not that it is oppressive to tell people they shouldn't cry at work, though I suppose that is true. The problem is that the work (really- the stress, the social dynamics, the pressure cooker of the corporate workplace) is making people cry. For all the talk of privilege and oppression, the author can't make that connection. It's a shame.

stallmanite 6y ago

The author’s argument that crying at work is seen as more acceptable for men than women doesn’t really align with my anecdotal experiences. Maybe I just live in a bubble where men crying is more looked down upon than women crying. Any other commenters willing to share their experiences with this?

true_religion 6y ago
Most everyone will view crying as acceptable in some circumstance. Whether it’s death or a child, or loss of money, or deep frustration, everyone has a limit above which they consider the trauma a reason to cry. The author might conclude, that many people think that men have a high trauma threshold before shedding tears or to put it in a other way: men will only cry for “good” socially acceptable reasons. This means that even if someone is crying for the loss of their sports team, people looking on will assume the tears are for a good reason and won’t inquire. Their stereotype influenced their expectations.
- pmiller2 6y ago
  > Most everyone will view crying as acceptable in some circumstance. Whether it’s death or a child, or loss of money, or deep frustration, everyone has a limit above which they consider the trauma a reason to cry. And, as a flagged comment mentions, what we should be doing here is not so much as work shouldn't be a place that induces crying. As for outside circumstances leaking in, sure, that happens, and it will continue to happen as long as workers are humans and not robots. Spouse got a terminal diagnosis? Totally okay to cry. Traumatized by bosses, coworkers, customers, _etc._? No, that shouldn't be happening. Using tears to emotionally manipulate people? That double shouldn't be happening. I don't know where losing sports teams fall on this continuum, but I'd rather not deal with tears in the workplace because some people I don't personally know didn't score enough points in a game. This is not a men vs women issue, although I believe it's at least willfully ignorant to think that men and women can "get away with" crying in the same circumstances and at the same frequency. I have no idea if the author didn't suffer from his crying at work because of white male privilege or not, but, work is work, a business relationship, and crying is not conducive to maintaining a business relationship, IMO.
cafard 6y ago
I've seldom seen people cry at work. I suppose the author could be correct. People thought John Boehner was a little odd for crying in public, but I imagine that a woman politician might be more harshly judged.

deleted 6y ago

[deleted]

anm89 6y ago

Who is we and why are we being told what we need to do by an unidentified person in the title? Ive got no idea if this article had any valuable content because I refuse to read things with these kinds of titles. If they had something of value to say I would assume they wouldn't have to resort to a threat in the title in the first place.