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In general and not necessarily related to just facebook, but one of the best things I've come to learn about myself and the world around me is that sometimes th

by derg 6y ago

In general and not necessarily related to just facebook, but one of the best things I've come to learn about myself and the world around me is that sometimes the absolute _best_ thing you can do for yourself is to just shut up and walk away, even if you know in your heart of hearts that you are correct.

brewdad 6y ago
I've gotten better, over time, at typing my heated, emotional response to someone online and then hitting Cancel or the back button and not posting. Sometimes I do hit the Reply button though. I still have room for self-improvement. :-)
- ok_coo 6y ago
  This is the point I got to when I realized I should no longer have an account and I just went ahead and deleted it. For about 6 months after, I thought I would reactivate and jump back in but it's been years now and I'm 100% sure it was a life improvement.
- SNosTrAnDbLe 6y ago
  This! It always helps me to take time out and paste what you have on a different notepad and come back to it. Only hit send if it still makes sense.
- accountinhn 6y ago
  I do this a lot, especially in Reddit. Trick I learned is I use my notepad now to type the reply, then wait for an hour and post it. This helped with few things: 1. Slowly improving in checking for typos 2. Reading something after a break helps framing my point better and helps remove the heated emotion from the text 3. I also don't save the comment, so I have to spend time searching for it. This further helps in filtering the topics that I don't care about 4. Using services while not logged in, basically be a lurker
- specialist 6y ago
  Not gonna like. u/dang has had to scold me a few times. Improvement takes time. We certainly need more and better role models.
- dghughes 6y ago
  I've been doing that more recently too. I say to myself do I really want to do this? Or why am I getting involved in this? Especially Twitter where you can't unselect yourself from a conversation. My new mantra is the saying, "not my circus, not my monkeys".
jeffdavis 6y ago
And the corrolary: just because the other party walks away from the argument doesn't mean that you are right.
seek3r00 6y ago
I agree, as long as you can find time to research and understand if you’re really correct. This way you avoid conflicts but you still learn if you were wrong.
- derg 6y ago
  100%. Some of my biggest learning experiences were when I walked away when I thought I was completely, utterly correct only to find out a little later that I was actually completely wrong! I say that in the past tense just because it makes in terms of what I'm trying to convey but it still routinely happens too, and will continue to happen.
fossuser 6y ago
I think this is generally helpful to keep in mind. I also think there’s an art to deescalation and discussing ideas or persuading someone you disagree with to see an alternative view (and then giving them space to change their mind). Productive discussion isn’t possible with everyone or even one individual depending on where they are in their life, but I’ve generally found it works better than expected when you can remove your own identity and feelings from it. It’s rarely in the spotlight though because it doesn’t get retweeted or shared as much as combative arguing that’s more a performance from each side (with likes and cheering on the sidelines).
- pathseeker 6y ago
  >I also think there’s an art to deescalation and discussing ideas or persuading someone you disagree with to see an alternative view This doesn't really work with core views like politics. Some of the most polarizing topics are not because the opposite side can't see your view, it's because you fundamentally disagree on priorities. Examples: Anti-abortion people aren't going to be persuaded by yet another view on women's rights. They think you're arguing to murder babies. The plight of a woman in poverty is not going to suddenly make them go, "oh, well then I guess a litte murder is okay." A libertarian isn't going to be swayed to suddenly think a planned economy is a better approach even when presented with spectacular market failures. They completely understand the failures suck and understand the alternative views just fine. Another anecdote is not realistically going to alter a belief that central planning is worse overall.
  - visarga 6y ago
    That's a learned behaviour - to ignore opposing arguments. They train themselves to counter arguments they don't like with their own prefabricated arguments, learned from the mass media. Like, for example: politician X is corrupt, he was caught taking bribes. Counter: everyone is stealing, at least his party gives our group more benefits than the other party.
    - majewsky 6y ago
      "Everyone is stealing" is actually a rational counter when grounded in sufficient truth. It's depressing, sure, but it can be rational.
datalus 6y ago
I learned this lesson recently, and I am sure I will continue to learn this lesson in the future as I've already learned it in the past. Just in many different contexts and ways!
deleted 6y ago
[deleted]
12xo 6y ago
A big reason why old people speak less...

by derg 6y ago

brewdad 6y ago

I've gotten better, over time, at typing my heated, emotional response to someone online and then hitting Cancel or the back button and not posting. Sometimes I do hit the Reply button though. I still have room for self-improvement. :-)

ok_coo 6y ago
This is the point I got to when I realized I should no longer have an account and I just went ahead and deleted it. For about 6 months after, I thought I would reactivate and jump back in but it's been years now and I'm 100% sure it was a life improvement.
SNosTrAnDbLe 6y ago
This! It always helps me to take time out and paste what you have on a different notepad and come back to it. Only hit send if it still makes sense.
accountinhn 6y ago
I do this a lot, especially in Reddit. Trick I learned is I use my notepad now to type the reply, then wait for an hour and post it. This helped with few things: 1. Slowly improving in checking for typos 2. Reading something after a break helps framing my point better and helps remove the heated emotion from the text 3. I also don't save the comment, so I have to spend time searching for it. This further helps in filtering the topics that I don't care about 4. Using services while not logged in, basically be a lurker
specialist 6y ago
Not gonna like. u/dang has had to scold me a few times. Improvement takes time. We certainly need more and better role models.
dghughes 6y ago
I've been doing that more recently too. I say to myself do I really want to do this? Or why am I getting involved in this? Especially Twitter where you can't unselect yourself from a conversation. My new mantra is the saying, "not my circus, not my monkeys".

jeffdavis 6y ago

And the corrolary: just because the other party walks away from the argument doesn't mean that you are right.

seek3r00 6y ago

I agree, as long as you can find time to research and understand if you’re really correct. This way you avoid conflicts but you still learn if you were wrong.

derg 6y ago
100%. Some of my biggest learning experiences were when I walked away when I thought I was completely, utterly correct only to find out a little later that I was actually completely wrong! I say that in the past tense just because it makes in terms of what I'm trying to convey but it still routinely happens too, and will continue to happen.

fossuser 6y ago

I think this is generally helpful to keep in mind. I also think there’s an art to deescalation and discussing ideas or persuading someone you disagree with to see an alternative view (and then giving them space to change their mind). Productive discussion isn’t possible with everyone or even one individual depending on where they are in their life, but I’ve generally found it works better than expected when you can remove your own identity and feelings from it. It’s rarely in the spotlight though because it doesn’t get retweeted or shared as much as combative arguing that’s more a performance from each side (with likes and cheering on the sidelines).

pathseeker 6y ago
>I also think there’s an art to deescalation and discussing ideas or persuading someone you disagree with to see an alternative view This doesn't really work with core views like politics. Some of the most polarizing topics are not because the opposite side can't see your view, it's because you fundamentally disagree on priorities. Examples: Anti-abortion people aren't going to be persuaded by yet another view on women's rights. They think you're arguing to murder babies. The plight of a woman in poverty is not going to suddenly make them go, "oh, well then I guess a litte murder is okay." A libertarian isn't going to be swayed to suddenly think a planned economy is a better approach even when presented with spectacular market failures. They completely understand the failures suck and understand the alternative views just fine. Another anecdote is not realistically going to alter a belief that central planning is worse overall.
- visarga 6y ago
  That's a learned behaviour - to ignore opposing arguments. They train themselves to counter arguments they don't like with their own prefabricated arguments, learned from the mass media. Like, for example: politician X is corrupt, he was caught taking bribes. Counter: everyone is stealing, at least his party gives our group more benefits than the other party.
  - majewsky 6y ago
    "Everyone is stealing" is actually a rational counter when grounded in sufficient truth. It's depressing, sure, but it can be rational.

datalus 6y ago

I learned this lesson recently, and I am sure I will continue to learn this lesson in the future as I've already learned it in the past. Just in many different contexts and ways!

deleted 6y ago

[deleted]

12xo 6y ago

A big reason why old people speak less...