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I think maybe the difference/nuance is where you mention people expect you to do these things. The activities I mentioned arent expected. In fact, they are usu

I think maybe the difference/nuance is where you mention people expect you to do these things. The activities I mentioned arent expected. In fact, they are usually unexpected which makes them all the more special. Not sure that helps specifically but it did occur to me as I read your post.

DoreenMichele 6y ago
The only explanation I have for that expectation is that I'm a woman. It's not an explanation I like because it gives me no means to solve the problem. It's also not universally true that all women are dirt poor, so I would like to think there is some solution, but I don't know what it is. My experience with doing nice things for people that they didn't expect is that they either latch onto me as a mommy figure and treat me abusively or conclude I'm hitting on them and they would like to hit that. The idea that I'm just social and warm and I see this as a diplomatic thing to do seems to never occur to people. They always and consistently interpret it as extremely personal and latch onto me in a problematic fashion and it doesn't go good places for me business-wise that leads to money. I've been trying to sort that out for years and I feel I have made some progress, but it's far from a solved problem.