2 ms·

No. There are facts that are real. Fertility, health, and age of parents. You can scream, get angry. But still are facts. The ideas you had once in the '20s

No. There are facts that are real. Fertility, health, and age of parents. You can scream, get angry. But still are facts. The ideas you had once in the '20s may not be the ideas you will get on 30's and '40s. And that is ok. But as I said. What If 1/3 of what I said is true? I am not saying every body has to have kids. But I find myself having more females friends that "lost the train" and are bitter. It is no fun when you know someone that has all the skills and qualities to be an excellent mother realize she can't anymore. I don't feel happy to be "right" about it. My sadness is what makes me expose this even with a cost so someone else may benefit.

SketchySeaBeast 6y ago
Why would I gamble on 1/3 odds? Does that make you 2/3rds likely to be wrong? There's a whole movement now of people coming out and saying that they don't like having kids - as a society we made that impossible to say without severe chastisement. We have no idea if the women in your life who regret it now would be happy with children. It's all a gamble, and tell people that their time is running out isn't particularly helpful, and running entirely on guilt. All right, though your manner of writing is extremely hard to parse, lets look at the arguments: 1. Healthy babies and age of parents -> https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3881604/ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3881604/ Are non-optimal babies undesirable? 2. What age will you be when your son wants to play/run at his 16 years? At my current age I'll be in my 50's. I'm fitter in my 30's than I ever was in my 20's. Does 40's vs 50's make that much of a difference? 3. We don't have control of life anytime. You may be Healthy now, but it only takes a disease to change it. This isn't compelling if I get sick I won't want to have kids. Rushing to have kids only to die is actually incredibly selfish. 4. One thing is you did not use protection on your 20's and got pregnant another is willing to get pregnant later -> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_and_female_fertility https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_and_female_fertility I don't know what you're saying here. Try more? For something I don't want? Later on: 1. Are you spending your time with someone you can see raising a family? If not is like sleeping with a poisonous snake in your bedroom. One day it will bite you. Yes, but neither she nor I want one. 2. Did your past jobs/companies called you on holidays? Invited you for a BBQ? The company has a BBQ, yes. So... I guess that's covered? 3. Who profits from high IQ, working hard people not having kids? Have you checked how much a burrito breakfast is charged in a retirement home? How much is "dinner"? (microwave) Is it my duty to take care of my parents? That's another selfish argument. Also, it's a bit conceited to assume high IQ.
- superflit 6y ago
  "There's a whole movement now of people coming out and saying that they don't like having kids - as a society, we made that impossible to say without severe chastisement. We have no idea if the women in your life who regret it now would be happy with children. It's all a gamble, and tell people that their time is running out isn't particularly helpful, and running entirely on guilt." Their time is running out. In a natural average progression, people have a peak in healthiness, and then decline starts as age progress. Whatever you hold as "fair" does not matter. Mother Nature has a different plan. We can buy sometimes not all time. "Are non-optimal babies undesirable?" We as a society have whole care with conception, prenatal care, prenatal screening, and checks. That shows how we care about it. That is a signal that yes society as a whole wants healthy babies. ... .... ... The path of having babies is NOT for all. Society had a place without children for positions as mentors, charity, and educators. If you are OK and it seems you are happy with your option that is great. You remember me of my "wise uncle" that has a lot of stories and wisdom to teach us. And his role was to mentor and give a different perspective. When we got angry with parents or don't know what to do and need advice without the parent's bias he was our mentor. But my point is: 1. Time is a factor; 2. No, you don't have all the time; The message my friends and me got and BELIEVED was: "you can do it all!" "After your Ph.D. you can marry" "Once you get your assistant professor position you can start". "Better finish your Ph.D., buy a house and then get a raise to have kids". "After you finish with your startup then we have kids". Now imagine what happened: Dotcom bust, 9/11, financial crisis, mortgage crisis, wars... One thing is to have it clear and decide not to have a kid like you. clear as crystal. Another is like me and believe in the lies. I am not saying that you were wrong. I am saying: I was wrong Please consider I may have some valid points whoever is reading this.

SketchySeaBeast 6y ago

Why would I gamble on 1/3 odds? Does that make you 2/3rds likely to be wrong? There's a whole movement now of people coming out and saying that they don't like having kids - as a society we made that impossible to say without severe chastisement. We have no idea if the women in your life who regret it now would be happy with children. It's all a gamble, and tell people that their time is running out isn't particularly helpful, and running entirely on guilt. All right, though your manner of writing is extremely hard to parse, lets look at the arguments: 1. Healthy babies and age of parents -> https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3881604/ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3881604/ Are non-optimal babies undesirable? 2. What age will you be when your son wants to play/run at his 16 years? At my current age I'll be in my 50's. I'm fitter in my 30's than I ever was in my 20's. Does 40's vs 50's make that much of a difference? 3. We don't have control of life anytime. You may be Healthy now, but it only takes a disease to change it. This isn't compelling if I get sick I won't want to have kids. Rushing to have kids only to die is actually incredibly selfish. 4. One thing is you did not use protection on your 20's and got pregnant another is willing to get pregnant later -> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_and_female_fertility https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_and_female_fertility I don't know what you're saying here. Try more? For something I don't want? Later on: 1. Are you spending your time with someone you can see raising a family? If not is like sleeping with a poisonous snake in your bedroom. One day it will bite you. Yes, but neither she nor I want one. 2. Did your past jobs/companies called you on holidays? Invited you for a BBQ? The company has a BBQ, yes. So... I guess that's covered? 3. Who profits from high IQ, working hard people not having kids? Have you checked how much a burrito breakfast is charged in a retirement home? How much is "dinner"? (microwave) Is it my duty to take care of my parents? That's another selfish argument. Also, it's a bit conceited to assume high IQ.

superflit 6y ago
"There's a whole movement now of people coming out and saying that they don't like having kids - as a society, we made that impossible to say without severe chastisement. We have no idea if the women in your life who regret it now would be happy with children. It's all a gamble, and tell people that their time is running out isn't particularly helpful, and running entirely on guilt." Their time is running out. In a natural average progression, people have a peak in healthiness, and then decline starts as age progress. Whatever you hold as "fair" does not matter. Mother Nature has a different plan. We can buy sometimes not all time. "Are non-optimal babies undesirable?" We as a society have whole care with conception, prenatal care, prenatal screening, and checks. That shows how we care about it. That is a signal that yes society as a whole wants healthy babies. ... .... ... The path of having babies is NOT for all. Society had a place without children for positions as mentors, charity, and educators. If you are OK and it seems you are happy with your option that is great. You remember me of my "wise uncle" that has a lot of stories and wisdom to teach us. And his role was to mentor and give a different perspective. When we got angry with parents or don't know what to do and need advice without the parent's bias he was our mentor. But my point is: 1. Time is a factor; 2. No, you don't have all the time; The message my friends and me got and BELIEVED was: "you can do it all!" "After your Ph.D. you can marry" "Once you get your assistant professor position you can start". "Better finish your Ph.D., buy a house and then get a raise to have kids". "After you finish with your startup then we have kids". Now imagine what happened: Dotcom bust, 9/11, financial crisis, mortgage crisis, wars... One thing is to have it clear and decide not to have a kid like you. clear as crystal. Another is like me and believe in the lies. I am not saying that you were wrong. I am saying: I was wrong Please consider I may have some valid points whoever is reading this.