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I started suffering severe depression when my (now ex-) wife asked for a divorce, about 3.5 years ago. Therapist/psychiatrist also have told me there is a lot o

by adamc 6y ago

I started suffering severe depression when my (now ex-) wife asked for a divorce, about 3.5 years ago. Therapist/psychiatrist also have told me there is a lot of grief mixed in. The fact that my 20 year old kid won't talk to me makes it worse. Nonetheless, it has gradually gotten better. I don't think the medications have been very effective, but time to internalize different ways of thinking about my life have helped. They're slow, though. It takes a long time to change. Another thing I sometimes do, somewhat akin to what is described in the article, is just close my eyes and be, for a bit. I would call it meditation but there really isn't much thinking -- just feeling what I feel. Accepting where I am, as best I can. I really identify with the 'I’m better now. It’s hard to call myself “happy” (what is happiness anyway?)'. I don't think I'm happy (I have memories of what that felt like), but at least I'm not desperate every moment. I've spent an insane number of hours wondering why being alive is a good thing. Still not sure I have an answer.

hoorayimhelping 6y ago
>I've spent an insane number of hours wondering why being alive is a good thing. Still not sure I have an answer. Reminds me of this passage from Catch-22. One of the characters is saying he revels in terrible situations that last forever, because it makes life seem longer that way. --- "Well, maybe it is true," Clevinger conceded unwillingly in a subdued tone. "Maybe a long life does have to be filled with many unpleasant conditions if it's to seem long. But in that event, who wants one?" "I do," Dunbar told him. "Why?" Clevinger asked. "What else is there?"
- geedy 6y ago
  I'd argue he never experienced anything that terrible. I can totally relate to wondering whether even another hour was doable, and no, being alive just for the sake of being alive in those moments is not worth it. I guess I've always been hopeful even in the worst of times that things will get better (they always do) and that's the only thing that makes those stretches workable.
downerending 6y ago
Can very much relate. And especially when you're simply trying to get through hell, there's a lot to be said for finding a sympathetic therapist/etc to just help you get through it. My tips: Be kind to yourself. Try to do things when you can--action is a universal anti-depressant. Try not to pointlessly ruminate--it's generally depressing. If things get really bad, and you have no other ideas, get drunk. (Not great, but far better than an ill-considered suicide.) As for why being alive is a good thing, not sure I have that answer either. But really, we'll all be dead very soon, so I figure there's little need to rush things. Bonus: For meaning, (1) something to do, (2) someone to love, and (3) something to look forward to. And (2) could be a pet, if you're sick of people.
- lazerpants 6y ago
  >If things get really bad, and you have no other ideas, get drunk. (Not great, but far better than an ill-considered suicide.) A large proportion of suicides involve drugs and/or alcohol. This might work from you but I don't think you should necessarily suggest it to someone else who may be feeling suicidal. Admittedly, I have my own coping strategy for feeling suicidal that I would 100% never recommend to anyone else...
  - downerending 6y ago
    Having been way too close to that, I suspect that most of the drugs/alcohol didn't cause the suicides, but rather were taken after the decision had been made, to make the passing easier. That's pretty grim, and there's probably no way to know. At least for me, being lit makes me happier for a while. In any case, staying drunk isn't a long-term plan, for sure.
    - kls 6y ago
      I don't know about depression, as I do not suffer from it, but I do know getting drunk during a PTSD episode is a sure fire path to suicide. PTSD suffers actually have a higher suicide rate than depression and alcohol pours flames on the fire if someone with PTSD uses alcohol as a way to try and numb the episode.
rewgs 6y ago
> I would call it meditation but there really isn't much thinking -- just feeling what I feel. Accepting where I am, as best I can. I would very much call that meditation.
- aSplash0fDerp 6y ago
  The feeling of solace does not have to carry any spiritual meaning. It appears that the commenter has found both meanings of "You against Your Body".
  - Trasmatta 6y ago
    Meditation doesn't have to carry any spiritual meaning either.
    - aSplash0fDerp 6y ago
      I agree. Having (or finding) a natural state of solace without having to think about it is relaxation at its finest.
- macd 6y ago
  Yeah, it seems to be a common misconception that meditation is forcing yourself not to think. FTA: > I set aside hours each day to do nothing. In some sense, this was meditation. Except, I did not force myself to not think. I wanted to get comfortable with the voice in my head. I would sit, lie down or walk while paying attention to my body (the heartbeat, the breath, the funny noises my stomach made), and the physical world outside (there were so many beautiful things to trip on). The author (and the top level comment) thought they weren't meditating, when in reality they discovered mindfulness meditation :)
  - ridewinter 6y ago
    One way to understand meditation is to just give yourself the time & space to experience & become bored with your repetitive thoughts. You don't stop thinking - you just become bored with it and settle down. It's immensely healing once you've experienced it.
deleted 6y ago
[deleted]
apatters 6y ago
> I've spent an insane number of hours wondering why being alive is a good thing. Still not sure I have an answer. You're not alone, the existentialist/nihilist position is that there is no good answer to this question, and life is intrinsically meaningless. This strain of thought has been around for more than 100 years and no one's come up with a really solid counter-argument. A couple things to consider; - A meaningless life is normally assumed to be a negative and depressing thing. But why is that? Some people have argued for "positive nihilism," the view that a lack of meaning is freeing. From reading about both sides I eventually came to the conclusion that assigning a positive or negative value to the intrinsic meaninglessness of life is artificial. Both sides are just coming from their own head space with a bunch of stuff they've made up, and projecting. Life's fundamental properties simply exist. The human condition is neither positive nor negative, it just is. - Even if there's no "good" or intrinsic reason to live, some people manage to cope anyway and enjoy happy, interesting lives. The list of strategies humanity has developed for coping with the abyss is as long as history. Existentialism, absurdism and religion are all radically different philosophies for coping. More practically, everyday tactics for coping range from things as simple as getting more sunlight and exercise, to meditation and (some) social relationships, to many many types of drugs and therapies. There is a long list of coping mechanisms to explore for the sake of curiosity if for no other reason. - Finally if you choose death, there's no undo button. I think there are too many taboos around suicide (unless you're already dying, at which point some elements of society seem to grant you permission to make a decision which was none of their business anyway). However it can certainly be said that once you cross this line, you lose access to all the other things you might have wanted to do. If it turns out you were wrong, too bad, you'll never know. In this sense suicide is the greatest act of hubris possible, it is the belief that you've arrived at a final conclusion, and in our vast and unknowable universe, this type of belief is almost always incorrect. The only certainty is uncertainty, and with suicide you have eliminated it.
metabagel 6y ago
“ Another thing I sometimes do, somewhat akin to what is described in the article, is just close my eyes and be, for a bit. I would call it meditation but there really isn't much thinking -- just feeling what I feel. Accepting where I am, as best I can.” Essentially, you’re doing shamatha meditation. https://shambhala.org/frequently-asked-questions/ https://shambhala.org/frequently-asked-questions/ Another beneficial practice is loving-kindness meditation. https://www.mindful.org/loving-kindness-takes-time-sharon-salzberg/ https://www.mindful.org/loving-kindness-takes-time-sharon-sa... Meditation helps cut through the flurry of thoughts in our heads and return us to our basic experience of living in the present moment. We spend so much of our time living in the past (remembering or regretting), or the future (planning), or in fantasies or distressing scenarios that we create in our minds. It’s good to simply be in our bodies where we are in the present moment from time to time.
metabagel 6y ago
I was severely depressed for a couple of years, and moderately depressed for many years before that. What helped me were: a good psychiatrist who was a good therapist, meditation, an anti-depressant prescription, abstaining from drinking alcohol (for 4 years now), and leaving a problematic relationship. I’m still somewhat prone to anxiety, but I generally have more self-awareness. One other thing I can think of which helps is to try to get off of the “me program”. Directing our compassion and focus to others puts our own troubles into perspective. Good luck. Everyone has their own journey.

by adamc 6y ago

hoorayimhelping 6y ago

>I've spent an insane number of hours wondering why being alive is a good thing. Still not sure I have an answer. Reminds me of this passage from Catch-22. One of the characters is saying he revels in terrible situations that last forever, because it makes life seem longer that way. --- "Well, maybe it is true," Clevinger conceded unwillingly in a subdued tone. "Maybe a long life does have to be filled with many unpleasant conditions if it's to seem long. But in that event, who wants one?" "I do," Dunbar told him. "Why?" Clevinger asked. "What else is there?"

geedy 6y ago
I'd argue he never experienced anything that terrible. I can totally relate to wondering whether even another hour was doable, and no, being alive just for the sake of being alive in those moments is not worth it. I guess I've always been hopeful even in the worst of times that things will get better (they always do) and that's the only thing that makes those stretches workable.

downerending 6y ago

Can very much relate. And especially when you're simply trying to get through hell, there's a lot to be said for finding a sympathetic therapist/etc to just help you get through it. My tips: Be kind to yourself. Try to do things when you can--action is a universal anti-depressant. Try not to pointlessly ruminate--it's generally depressing. If things get really bad, and you have no other ideas, get drunk. (Not great, but far better than an ill-considered suicide.) As for why being alive is a good thing, not sure I have that answer either. But really, we'll all be dead very soon, so I figure there's little need to rush things. Bonus: For meaning, (1) something to do, (2) someone to love, and (3) something to look forward to. And (2) could be a pet, if you're sick of people.

lazerpants 6y ago
>If things get really bad, and you have no other ideas, get drunk. (Not great, but far better than an ill-considered suicide.) A large proportion of suicides involve drugs and/or alcohol. This might work from you but I don't think you should necessarily suggest it to someone else who may be feeling suicidal. Admittedly, I have my own coping strategy for feeling suicidal that I would 100% never recommend to anyone else...
- downerending 6y ago
  Having been way too close to that, I suspect that most of the drugs/alcohol didn't cause the suicides, but rather were taken after the decision had been made, to make the passing easier. That's pretty grim, and there's probably no way to know. At least for me, being lit makes me happier for a while. In any case, staying drunk isn't a long-term plan, for sure.
  - kls 6y ago
    I don't know about depression, as I do not suffer from it, but I do know getting drunk during a PTSD episode is a sure fire path to suicide. PTSD suffers actually have a higher suicide rate than depression and alcohol pours flames on the fire if someone with PTSD uses alcohol as a way to try and numb the episode.

rewgs 6y ago

> I would call it meditation but there really isn't much thinking -- just feeling what I feel. Accepting where I am, as best I can. I would very much call that meditation.

aSplash0fDerp 6y ago
The feeling of solace does not have to carry any spiritual meaning. It appears that the commenter has found both meanings of "You against Your Body".
- Trasmatta 6y ago
  Meditation doesn't have to carry any spiritual meaning either.
  - aSplash0fDerp 6y ago
    I agree. Having (or finding) a natural state of solace without having to think about it is relaxation at its finest.
macd 6y ago
Yeah, it seems to be a common misconception that meditation is forcing yourself not to think. FTA: > I set aside hours each day to do nothing. In some sense, this was meditation. Except, I did not force myself to not think. I wanted to get comfortable with the voice in my head. I would sit, lie down or walk while paying attention to my body (the heartbeat, the breath, the funny noises my stomach made), and the physical world outside (there were so many beautiful things to trip on). The author (and the top level comment) thought they weren't meditating, when in reality they discovered mindfulness meditation :)
- ridewinter 6y ago
  One way to understand meditation is to just give yourself the time & space to experience & become bored with your repetitive thoughts. You don't stop thinking - you just become bored with it and settle down. It's immensely healing once you've experienced it.

deleted 6y ago

[deleted]

apatters 6y ago

> I've spent an insane number of hours wondering why being alive is a good thing. Still not sure I have an answer. You're not alone, the existentialist/nihilist position is that there is no good answer to this question, and life is intrinsically meaningless. This strain of thought has been around for more than 100 years and no one's come up with a really solid counter-argument. A couple things to consider; - A meaningless life is normally assumed to be a negative and depressing thing. But why is that? Some people have argued for "positive nihilism," the view that a lack of meaning is freeing. From reading about both sides I eventually came to the conclusion that assigning a positive or negative value to the intrinsic meaninglessness of life is artificial. Both sides are just coming from their own head space with a bunch of stuff they've made up, and projecting. Life's fundamental properties simply exist. The human condition is neither positive nor negative, it just is. - Even if there's no "good" or intrinsic reason to live, some people manage to cope anyway and enjoy happy, interesting lives. The list of strategies humanity has developed for coping with the abyss is as long as history. Existentialism, absurdism and religion are all radically different philosophies for coping. More practically, everyday tactics for coping range from things as simple as getting more sunlight and exercise, to meditation and (some) social relationships, to many many types of drugs and therapies. There is a long list of coping mechanisms to explore for the sake of curiosity if for no other reason. - Finally if you choose death, there's no undo button. I think there are too many taboos around suicide (unless you're already dying, at which point some elements of society seem to grant you permission to make a decision which was none of their business anyway). However it can certainly be said that once you cross this line, you lose access to all the other things you might have wanted to do. If it turns out you were wrong, too bad, you'll never know. In this sense suicide is the greatest act of hubris possible, it is the belief that you've arrived at a final conclusion, and in our vast and unknowable universe, this type of belief is almost always incorrect. The only certainty is uncertainty, and with suicide you have eliminated it.

metabagel 6y ago

“ Another thing I sometimes do, somewhat akin to what is described in the article, is just close my eyes and be, for a bit. I would call it meditation but there really isn't much thinking -- just feeling what I feel. Accepting where I am, as best I can.” Essentially, you’re doing shamatha meditation. https://shambhala.org/frequently-asked-questions/ https://shambhala.org/frequently-asked-questions/ Another beneficial practice is loving-kindness meditation. https://www.mindful.org/loving-kindness-takes-time-sharon-salzberg/ https://www.mindful.org/loving-kindness-takes-time-sharon-sa... Meditation helps cut through the flurry of thoughts in our heads and return us to our basic experience of living in the present moment. We spend so much of our time living in the past (remembering or regretting), or the future (planning), or in fantasies or distressing scenarios that we create in our minds. It’s good to simply be in our bodies where we are in the present moment from time to time.

metabagel 6y ago

I was severely depressed for a couple of years, and moderately depressed for many years before that. What helped me were: a good psychiatrist who was a good therapist, meditation, an anti-depressant prescription, abstaining from drinking alcohol (for 4 years now), and leaving a problematic relationship. I’m still somewhat prone to anxiety, but I generally have more self-awareness. One other thing I can think of which helps is to try to get off of the “me program”. Directing our compassion and focus to others puts our own troubles into perspective. Good luck. Everyone has their own journey.