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A couple separate issues but first and foremost I'm sorry you are being treated this way. 1. HNers (myself included) are argumentative and treat HN like a deb

A couple separate issues but first and foremost I'm sorry you are being treated this way. 1. HNers (myself included) are argumentative and treat HN like a debate platform. I wouldn't assign any weight to comments here about issues such as this (or anything for that matter) 2. The people in your real world sound pretty terrible. I can't think of one person who would DARE tell me I'm being selfish for choosing to have kids or not. Maybe it's because I'm a man, or self-confident, or something else but I couldn't even imagine someone saying this to me without it turning into a very unpleasant argument, not to mention me cutting off contact. Did I just luck out with family, peers and coworkers? Maybe. How do you respond?

folkhack 6y ago
I've cut off contact with a huge chunk of my family and my GF's family is way more understanding as they've been living in California for the last 20 years and get that people just have different ways of living for different reasons. They've made marriage comments but they just want us to get hitched since we've been together for so long which I see as way more benign than pushing us for kids. I find it's predominantly a conservative view that comes from religious underpinnings. I also think it comes down to a lot of folks who took the traditional path because "that's what you're suppose to do" who are threatened by alternative life circumstances. I respond with, "we're taking our time to figure things out financially and emotionally to be healthy people" - or something along those lines. It's a 100% genuine answer and usually knocks them off their stance enough that they consider how things may be for someone different than them. I could get into more details but a big reason I deal with this is because I'm the very socially liberal black-sheep that moved to California in my conservative Iowan family. It's just a way for them to dig at me passive-aggressively without outright challenging my views. I've also experienced this in workplaces/offices with uncomfortably strong Christian vibes.
- wonderwonder 6y ago
  I have no knowledge of your specific situation but one thing to remember if in your case its your parents pushing you to have kids is that they may be doing it out of both the desire to have grand kids and see the continuation of their line as well as them knowing that they love you and want you to experience that same love. With that said, don't let anyone pressure you into making what is probably the largest single decision in anyone's life.

folkhack 6y ago

I've cut off contact with a huge chunk of my family and my GF's family is way more understanding as they've been living in California for the last 20 years and get that people just have different ways of living for different reasons. They've made marriage comments but they just want us to get hitched since we've been together for so long which I see as way more benign than pushing us for kids. I find it's predominantly a conservative view that comes from religious underpinnings. I also think it comes down to a lot of folks who took the traditional path because "that's what you're suppose to do" who are threatened by alternative life circumstances. I respond with, "we're taking our time to figure things out financially and emotionally to be healthy people" - or something along those lines. It's a 100% genuine answer and usually knocks them off their stance enough that they consider how things may be for someone different than them. I could get into more details but a big reason I deal with this is because I'm the very socially liberal black-sheep that moved to California in my conservative Iowan family. It's just a way for them to dig at me passive-aggressively without outright challenging my views. I've also experienced this in workplaces/offices with uncomfortably strong Christian vibes.

wonderwonder 6y ago
I have no knowledge of your specific situation but one thing to remember if in your case its your parents pushing you to have kids is that they may be doing it out of both the desire to have grand kids and see the continuation of their line as well as them knowing that they love you and want you to experience that same love. With that said, don't let anyone pressure you into making what is probably the largest single decision in anyone's life.