4 ms·

And it's multi-generational. I'm 40 and my youngest is 3. By the time he's an adult, I'll be 55. If he has kids at 40, I'll be 77 and will never really know hi

And it's multi-generational. I'm 40 and my youngest is 3. By the time he's an adult, I'll be 55. If he has kids at 40, I'll be 77 and will never really know his kids, let alone see them grow up. I'd never recommend having kids at 18 but looking more and more like 25-30 is the "right" age.

leetcrew 6y ago
no matter what, there will be an n+1 generation of your offspring that you will never meet. my dad was a few years older than you when I (the first child) was born. he'll probably never know my children as adults or meet his great-grandchildren. on the other hand, having a well-established career at the time, he was able to provide much more for my brother and me than he could have if he were 25-30. maybe the material stuff doesn't matter so much, but he had also attained a lot of flexibility in his work schedule by that age. despite being a very busy person, he was able to walk us to school every day and roll into the office around 11am ("flexible hours" generally did not exist in his line of work at the time). he was also able to retire before my brother finished middle school, so he was around for much more of our late childhood than other dads. now I'm in the early phase of my own career and I can get advice from someone who's already lived through a full cycle.
cafard 6y ago
My father lived to 86, and got to know his grandchildren. The youngest was born when he was 64, the youngest when he was 69. I guess it depends on what you mean "really know".
- rootusrootus 6y ago
  64 and 77 are pretty far apart. At 86, the grandkid would then be 9 years old. My dad lived to be 86, and my kids are 7 & 9. There definitely wasn't enough time to form a deep relationship. He enjoyed their company, but they weren't too interested in getting to know him, and in the final few years of his life he was slowing down considerably so it's easy to understand why. He was 77 when my daughter was born, just like the example from GP.
cft 6y ago
I was vacationing in Spain and made friends with my Airbnb hosts: they invited me over for dinners in their house. He was 73 and his biological son was 6 or 7. The boy looked very bright. His wife was I think 44.
- biztos 6y ago
  I often feel like this is frowned upon in the US, while in many countries it’s completely normal. Of course in the US the famous and the rich get a pass. I’m pushing 50 and haven’t had kids. I want to and expect to, probably in a couple years. I tell myself I’ll be starting my first family at the age where many people start their second. Any healthy child raised with love is a huge plus in the universe.
  - Retric 6y ago
    There are significant biological risks to having kids late in life. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paternal_age_effect https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paternal_age_effect
    - biztos 6y ago
      I'm aware of this -- obviously nature wants you to get breeding early, but I would argue that you should weigh the risks and the benefits, including benefits to the kids based on your ability to be good parents. This is probably[0] an even bigger consideration for women[1] but in many societies that's not stopping them from having kids in their late 40's. I guess I wasn't clear in my post: I think the US frowns on significant age differences (>10y maybe?) in relationships, with exceptions for the rich and famous who are expected to do what they want. Probably other societies share this prejudice. Many do not. I have no idea whether this prejudice extends to children. [0]: based on common assumptions, and Wikipedia for lack of a better source right now. [1]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Advanced_maternal_age https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Advanced_maternal_age [Edit: clarification re: wikipedia]

leetcrew 6y ago

no matter what, there will be an n+1 generation of your offspring that you will never meet. my dad was a few years older than you when I (the first child) was born. he'll probably never know my children as adults or meet his great-grandchildren. on the other hand, having a well-established career at the time, he was able to provide much more for my brother and me than he could have if he were 25-30. maybe the material stuff doesn't matter so much, but he had also attained a lot of flexibility in his work schedule by that age. despite being a very busy person, he was able to walk us to school every day and roll into the office around 11am ("flexible hours" generally did not exist in his line of work at the time). he was also able to retire before my brother finished middle school, so he was around for much more of our late childhood than other dads. now I'm in the early phase of my own career and I can get advice from someone who's already lived through a full cycle.

cafard 6y ago

My father lived to 86, and got to know his grandchildren. The youngest was born when he was 64, the youngest when he was 69. I guess it depends on what you mean "really know".

rootusrootus 6y ago
64 and 77 are pretty far apart. At 86, the grandkid would then be 9 years old. My dad lived to be 86, and my kids are 7 & 9. There definitely wasn't enough time to form a deep relationship. He enjoyed their company, but they weren't too interested in getting to know him, and in the final few years of his life he was slowing down considerably so it's easy to understand why. He was 77 when my daughter was born, just like the example from GP.

cft 6y ago

I was vacationing in Spain and made friends with my Airbnb hosts: they invited me over for dinners in their house. He was 73 and his biological son was 6 or 7. The boy looked very bright. His wife was I think 44.

biztos 6y ago
I often feel like this is frowned upon in the US, while in many countries it’s completely normal. Of course in the US the famous and the rich get a pass. I’m pushing 50 and haven’t had kids. I want to and expect to, probably in a couple years. I tell myself I’ll be starting my first family at the age where many people start their second. Any healthy child raised with love is a huge plus in the universe.
- Retric 6y ago
  There are significant biological risks to having kids late in life. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paternal_age_effect https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paternal_age_effect
  - biztos 6y ago
    I'm aware of this -- obviously nature wants you to get breeding early, but I would argue that you should weigh the risks and the benefits, including benefits to the kids based on your ability to be good parents. This is probably[0] an even bigger consideration for women[1] but in many societies that's not stopping them from having kids in their late 40's. I guess I wasn't clear in my post: I think the US frowns on significant age differences (>10y maybe?) in relationships, with exceptions for the rich and famous who are expected to do what they want. Probably other societies share this prejudice. Many do not. I have no idea whether this prejudice extends to children. [0]: based on common assumptions, and Wikipedia for lack of a better source right now. [1]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Advanced_maternal_age https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Advanced_maternal_age [Edit: clarification re: wikipedia]