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I try very hard not to be an asshole, but I see assholes somehow being respected for being assholes. Is this similar to patio11 saying that charging more for a

I try very hard not to be an asshole, but I see assholes somehow being respected for being assholes. Is this similar to patio11 saying that charging more for a service makes it easier for people to value the service? Is this an innate property of the way some people think? Can we change our system of values to appreciate value based on non monetary terms, and leadership based on non degrading terms? I don't have answers for these questions, but I think they're important...

ryandvm 6y ago
People aren't attracted to assholes, people are attracted to confidence and assertiveness. The problem is that while not all confident people are assholes, all assholes are confident.
- WJW 6y ago
  You just don't notice the non-confident assholes because they don't seek the spotlight.
  - nogabebop23 6y ago
    to tie it back to the netflix series this is Phil Jackson in a nutshell. He appears to quietly fade into the background but is busy coaching and letting these guys do their thing, tweaking and making small incremental changes - and winning championships. Steve Kerr (who played for him) had success with a similar coaching style in Golden State (at least up until this season!). These guys are known as a player's coach because they are most definitely not assholes.
    - AnimalMuppet 6y ago
      I wouldn't say that about Phil Jackson. Over and over I have heard about how incredibly manipulative he was, playing games with his players' heads. Sure, he's doing it to try to get 1% more out of them, which is also good for the player, but... I wouldn't put him in the non-a-hole category.
- slantyyz 6y ago
  >> people are attracted to confidence and assertiveness Yes, but when it comes to having someone represent them (i.e., lawyers, agents, politicians, etc), I tend to think that people are attracted to bullies.
coffeefirst 6y ago
It's also harder to see the costs of being an asshole. 1. People start lying to you and cutting corners so you don't go off on them. 2. They quit, and you'll never realize their "great opportunity" was getting as far away from you as possible. 3. They tell their friends, some of which are great, not to get involved. 4. They don't forget this behavior, and while they may smile the next time you cross paths, they will quietly shut doors without even thinking about it. And of course, if you are the asshole, nobody is going to tell you that your reputation precedes you.

ryandvm 6y ago

People aren't attracted to assholes, people are attracted to confidence and assertiveness. The problem is that while not all confident people are assholes, all assholes are confident.

WJW 6y ago
You just don't notice the non-confident assholes because they don't seek the spotlight.
- nogabebop23 6y ago
  to tie it back to the netflix series this is Phil Jackson in a nutshell. He appears to quietly fade into the background but is busy coaching and letting these guys do their thing, tweaking and making small incremental changes - and winning championships. Steve Kerr (who played for him) had success with a similar coaching style in Golden State (at least up until this season!). These guys are known as a player's coach because they are most definitely not assholes.
  - AnimalMuppet 6y ago
    I wouldn't say that about Phil Jackson. Over and over I have heard about how incredibly manipulative he was, playing games with his players' heads. Sure, he's doing it to try to get 1% more out of them, which is also good for the player, but... I wouldn't put him in the non-a-hole category.
slantyyz 6y ago
>> people are attracted to confidence and assertiveness Yes, but when it comes to having someone represent them (i.e., lawyers, agents, politicians, etc), I tend to think that people are attracted to bullies.

coffeefirst 6y ago

It's also harder to see the costs of being an asshole. 1. People start lying to you and cutting corners so you don't go off on them. 2. They quit, and you'll never realize their "great opportunity" was getting as far away from you as possible. 3. They tell their friends, some of which are great, not to get involved. 4. They don't forget this behavior, and while they may smile the next time you cross paths, they will quietly shut doors without even thinking about it. And of course, if you are the asshole, nobody is going to tell you that your reputation precedes you.