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> If you're struggling to find a balance, know first that you're not alone. But recognize quickly that your employment environment may be incompatible with fami

> If you're struggling to find a balance, know first that you're not alone. But recognize quickly that your employment environment may be incompatible with family life, and so what's "slowing your career down" is your management... not your kids or your own performance. This may come from an already privileged position (I'm doing "well" by most standards and haven't lost my job due to the pandemic), but your relationship with your kids is for the rest of your life. If you don't get your kids right, you may need a high-flying career to pay for all their shit into the future. Get your kids right! If it affects your career, then refer to the above quoted comment, but I would also add that if your kids are slowing down your career then you have your priorities straight. I don't always have time for my kids every single night, but I'll make up for it at opportune times. Sometimes I feel I'm not connecting with them for a week or even a month, but then a situation will come up where that connection-gap is entirely filled and then some - but you have to be aware of the situations in order to recognize the ones where you can help / step-in and make that connection. Aside: This is something I didn't think about before having kids, didn't even cross my mind as a "thing". My kids are my reason for living. Life would be empty without them, I'd be potentially suicidal. My career exists to pay for the betterment of the kids. I could clean toilets for all I care, as long as they're on the right track. Flipside: Bob Hawke, one of Australia's favourite Prime Ministers, is rumoured to have hushed up the rape of one of his daughters because the badly-timed controversy could potentially have slowed down his career path. Make your choice by what suits your personality, likely somewhere between those two extremes. Not being able to sleep at night will probably drag your career down more than kids (although that's one of the early effects of having kids).

basseq 7y ago
One of the hardest things for me pre-kids was standing up for myself. Unrealistic expectations, people with no respect for your time, meetings that stretched well past 5pm with no good reason. Kids don't make that easier—and in fact, make it harder because you simply can't roll over and let people walk all over you. That transition was painful. And, if I'm being honest, is still hard for me. The first time our CEO suggested we meet at 6:30pm, and I said, "Nope, I have to cook dinner and put the kids in the bath" was... terrifying. While there are still times where my family gets the short end of the stick, I've found it to be empowering, and I think begets respect. No one respects a doormat—kids or no, don't be one.

basseq 7y ago

One of the hardest things for me pre-kids was standing up for myself. Unrealistic expectations, people with no respect for your time, meetings that stretched well past 5pm with no good reason. Kids don't make that easier—and in fact, make it harder because you simply can't roll over and let people walk all over you. That transition was painful. And, if I'm being honest, is still hard for me. The first time our CEO suggested we meet at 6:30pm, and I said, "Nope, I have to cook dinner and put the kids in the bath" was... terrifying. While there are still times where my family gets the short end of the stick, I've found it to be empowering, and I think begets respect. No one respects a doormat—kids or no, don't be one.