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Highly recommended for everyone: "Thinking, Fast and Slow" by Daniel Kahenman. If you have difficulty interacting with people 1. How to win friends and influe

Highly recommended for everyone: "Thinking, Fast and Slow" by Daniel Kahenman. If you have difficulty interacting with people 1. How to win friends and influence people (Easy read) 2. Seven habits of highly effective people (Harder read) To learn how to write well: On writing well To understand how large products are made: Show Stopper!: The Breakneck Race to Create Windows NT

lkurusa 6y ago
"Thinking, Fast and Slow" is a book I buy for every person for their first birthday after I met them. It is the book that has had the most profound impact on me thus far.
- WJW 6y ago
  Is there some mind bending revelation in the second half? I read the first half and have not mustered the will to read the rest of it. It just seems so... "obvious" for lack of a better word. Maybe I've had too much psychology lectures or something, but nothing in the first half was remotely new to me.
  - eej71 6y ago
    I'm with you. I tried to get into that book - but felt it was a lot of verbiage and new phrases to describe things that already had terms. I gave up about a 1/3 the way through.
  - Cthulhu_ 6y ago
    I read part of it as well, and it came across as one of those books that is basically a fairly simple premise that can be summarized in one paragraph, padded out to fill a book. I mean "how to win friends" is similar, it can be summarized with just the 12 chapters, and it's padded out with anecdotes putting it in practice. I'm sure Seven Habits is the same, I have it on my bookshelf (mandatory reading from my previous employer) and I think I started reading it but I lost interest.
Loughla 6y ago
Two things - 1. Seven habits - I can't get past Covey's personal 'experiences'. They are just seemingly so contrived and fake that they just ruin the entire thought process for me. It seems like he had to make up things that related to the covenants. Is that just me? 2. For writing - I would also suggest 'On Writing' by Stephen King for this as a different take. It's probably the best 'how to write' book ever made. It's King's personal take on the theory of writing, with lessons sprinkled throughout. So good.
- geuis 6y ago
  My issue with King is that to me at least, he’s a terrible writer. Prolific doesn’t mean quality. I’m suspect what someone can get out of a book about writing from someone who writes poorly.
  - Loughla 6y ago
    Read the book. I was in the same camp as you. Most of his writing is just hack nonsense. But, some is well written (The Stand, Misery, Shawshank, The Green Mile, Cujo, for example). He's just inconsistent. Seriously, read the On Writing book. It really set his theory up for me to understand exactly why he's inconsistent. You can read his books and tell when he's thinking and processing, versus when he's writing to pay for a car or house or whatever.
- karatestomp 6y ago
  > 1. Seven habits - I can't get past Covey's personal 'experiences'. They are just seemingly so contrived and fake that they just ruin the entire thought process for me. It seems like he had to make up things that related to the covenants. Is that just me? Lots of self-help and pop-business books do this and above other factors like all the padding (so very much of it), it's ruined the genre for me. Hate that crap. Makes me think their advice is bullshit. I made it a ways into Never Split the Difference and got a little useful material out of it, but bounced off when I reached a can't-possibly-be-real story about the author buying a car and getting a great price by (he claims) just repeatedly asking "how can I do that?" (or similar) when presented with a price above what he'd offered. Give me a break. "Well, you're in luck, our rates on 5-year loans are great right now, let me introduce you to our finance guy", the salesman, implausibly, never says, instead just acting confused and stupid the whole time and eventually giving in. Dafuq? Either the author actually got had and didn't realize it, or that story was at best a half-truth.
giu 6y ago
I have a conflicting relationship with "How to Win Friends and Influence People," and maybe some of you may relate to this. Disclaimer: I only read a small, initial part of the book, and I'll explain the reasons behind this. For one, I liked the initial parts of it; for example, remembering first names is a nice and very attentive thing to do, and in general people appreciate it when I can remember their first name after meeting them a second and third time. On the other side, I found it to be of a very manipulative nature (shouldn't be a surprise; the title contains an "influence people" part), which rubbed me the wrong way; the book presents some techniques that help you get "what you want," but are quite superficial and hollow, i.e., you only pretend to be interested. That's why I decided to stop reading the book. The conflicting part in all this is the fact that I see this book recommended all the time (and it's one of the best-selling books of all-time), but I just cannot ignore its manipulative nature. It might be that I'm simply not part of its target audience or that I'm misinterpreting the messages in the book. Nonetheless, I'd be interested to read your (and other fellow HNers) comments on this book.
- enitihas 6y ago
  I agree with what you said. The book encourages all kinds of shortcuts (not explicitly though), and later on I found other books to be much better on the same topics. However, it is very very easy to read and follow. And if you are not a social person, the book is a good first read.
- poulsbohemian 6y ago
  It's probably been 32 years since I read How to Win Friends, but my take on it was that it is like many things we learn throughout life - first we model, they we practice, finally we make it part of our nature, and eventually we achieve mastery. I didn't come away with the impression that the techniques are intended to be used in a hollow, phony way, so much as to show the reader a set of steps to get started toward genuinely showing interest in other people. Not everyone can jump right in to Siddhartha or Zen and the Art or some of these heavier books that might take people out of their default self-absorption towards greater awareness of other people and their needs, but Carnegie wrote something that is easy to access and get people started down a path.
- 6y ago
mrfredward 6y ago
Amusingly, the introduction to "Seven Habits" starts off arguing against a hollow "personality ethic" approach pushed by other self-help books. I could be misinterpreting, but I believe that this is Covey insulting "How to Win Friends." I found both books full of obvious things, but also found that reading and reflecting on obvious things can still go a long way for self-improvement. Personally, I didn't like "7 Habits" though because Covey is always saying his methods/truths are "self-evident" and he uses the "this is true because it would be dumb to think otherwise" line of reasoning at the points in the book when I thought his argument was weakest.
scott_s 6y ago
On "Thinking Fast and Slow", you may want to read criticisms of the book. For example, "Reconstruction of a Train Wreck: How Priming Research Went off the Rails", https://replicationindex.com/2017/02/02/reconstruction-of-a-train-wreck-how-priming-research-went-of-the-rails/ https://replicationindex.com/2017/02/02/reconstruction-of-a-...
wigl 6y ago
Thinking, Fast and Slow is good if you like pop-sci, but has aged like milk if you are into the science. I respect Kahneman for walking back some of his claims since but he needs to publish a revision.
- caleb-allen 6y ago
  Agreed. I ate that book up for the first half, and when I came across the concept of "priming" I was obsessed. I looked it up only to find it had been largely debunked. Immediately lost interest. There are some great concepts in there, but it's not worth my time to tease out what is and is not legitimate. I'd also want him to publish a revision, I've enjoyed listening to Kahneman on podcasts and have nothing against him as an author
chrischattin 6y ago
"Thinking, Fast and Slow" was pretty underwhelming to me given the hype. There's much better stuff out there if you're interested in cognitive biases, behavior, etc.
- enitihas 6y ago
  Can you enumerate the better stuff if possible?
  - chrischattin 6y ago
    Sure. Stuff like Taleb's "Fooled by Randomness" or Caldini's "Influence: the Psychology of Persuasion" stand out as much better off the top of my head. There's more, but I'd have to go back to my notes.
    - willhslade 6y ago
      Please do, those are both excellent choices.

lkurusa 6y ago

"Thinking, Fast and Slow" is a book I buy for every person for their first birthday after I met them. It is the book that has had the most profound impact on me thus far.

WJW 6y ago
Is there some mind bending revelation in the second half? I read the first half and have not mustered the will to read the rest of it. It just seems so... "obvious" for lack of a better word. Maybe I've had too much psychology lectures or something, but nothing in the first half was remotely new to me.
- eej71 6y ago
  I'm with you. I tried to get into that book - but felt it was a lot of verbiage and new phrases to describe things that already had terms. I gave up about a 1/3 the way through.
- Cthulhu_ 6y ago
  I read part of it as well, and it came across as one of those books that is basically a fairly simple premise that can be summarized in one paragraph, padded out to fill a book. I mean "how to win friends" is similar, it can be summarized with just the 12 chapters, and it's padded out with anecdotes putting it in practice. I'm sure Seven Habits is the same, I have it on my bookshelf (mandatory reading from my previous employer) and I think I started reading it but I lost interest.

Loughla 6y ago

Two things - 1. Seven habits - I can't get past Covey's personal 'experiences'. They are just seemingly so contrived and fake that they just ruin the entire thought process for me. It seems like he had to make up things that related to the covenants. Is that just me? 2. For writing - I would also suggest 'On Writing' by Stephen King for this as a different take. It's probably the best 'how to write' book ever made. It's King's personal take on the theory of writing, with lessons sprinkled throughout. So good.

geuis 6y ago
My issue with King is that to me at least, he’s a terrible writer. Prolific doesn’t mean quality. I’m suspect what someone can get out of a book about writing from someone who writes poorly.
- Loughla 6y ago
  Read the book. I was in the same camp as you. Most of his writing is just hack nonsense. But, some is well written (The Stand, Misery, Shawshank, The Green Mile, Cujo, for example). He's just inconsistent. Seriously, read the On Writing book. It really set his theory up for me to understand exactly why he's inconsistent. You can read his books and tell when he's thinking and processing, versus when he's writing to pay for a car or house or whatever.
karatestomp 6y ago
> 1. Seven habits - I can't get past Covey's personal 'experiences'. They are just seemingly so contrived and fake that they just ruin the entire thought process for me. It seems like he had to make up things that related to the covenants. Is that just me? Lots of self-help and pop-business books do this and above other factors like all the padding (so very much of it), it's ruined the genre for me. Hate that crap. Makes me think their advice is bullshit. I made it a ways into Never Split the Difference and got a little useful material out of it, but bounced off when I reached a can't-possibly-be-real story about the author buying a car and getting a great price by (he claims) just repeatedly asking "how can I do that?" (or similar) when presented with a price above what he'd offered. Give me a break. "Well, you're in luck, our rates on 5-year loans are great right now, let me introduce you to our finance guy", the salesman, implausibly, never says, instead just acting confused and stupid the whole time and eventually giving in. Dafuq? Either the author actually got had and didn't realize it, or that story was at best a half-truth.

giu 6y ago

I have a conflicting relationship with "How to Win Friends and Influence People," and maybe some of you may relate to this. Disclaimer: I only read a small, initial part of the book, and I'll explain the reasons behind this. For one, I liked the initial parts of it; for example, remembering first names is a nice and very attentive thing to do, and in general people appreciate it when I can remember their first name after meeting them a second and third time. On the other side, I found it to be of a very manipulative nature (shouldn't be a surprise; the title contains an "influence people" part), which rubbed me the wrong way; the book presents some techniques that help you get "what you want," but are quite superficial and hollow, i.e., you only pretend to be interested. That's why I decided to stop reading the book. The conflicting part in all this is the fact that I see this book recommended all the time (and it's one of the best-selling books of all-time), but I just cannot ignore its manipulative nature. It might be that I'm simply not part of its target audience or that I'm misinterpreting the messages in the book. Nonetheless, I'd be interested to read your (and other fellow HNers) comments on this book.

enitihas 6y ago
I agree with what you said. The book encourages all kinds of shortcuts (not explicitly though), and later on I found other books to be much better on the same topics. However, it is very very easy to read and follow. And if you are not a social person, the book is a good first read.
poulsbohemian 6y ago
It's probably been 32 years since I read How to Win Friends, but my take on it was that it is like many things we learn throughout life - first we model, they we practice, finally we make it part of our nature, and eventually we achieve mastery. I didn't come away with the impression that the techniques are intended to be used in a hollow, phony way, so much as to show the reader a set of steps to get started toward genuinely showing interest in other people. Not everyone can jump right in to Siddhartha or Zen and the Art or some of these heavier books that might take people out of their default self-absorption towards greater awareness of other people and their needs, but Carnegie wrote something that is easy to access and get people started down a path.
6y ago

mrfredward 6y ago

Amusingly, the introduction to "Seven Habits" starts off arguing against a hollow "personality ethic" approach pushed by other self-help books. I could be misinterpreting, but I believe that this is Covey insulting "How to Win Friends." I found both books full of obvious things, but also found that reading and reflecting on obvious things can still go a long way for self-improvement. Personally, I didn't like "7 Habits" though because Covey is always saying his methods/truths are "self-evident" and he uses the "this is true because it would be dumb to think otherwise" line of reasoning at the points in the book when I thought his argument was weakest.

scott_s 6y ago

On "Thinking Fast and Slow", you may want to read criticisms of the book. For example, "Reconstruction of a Train Wreck: How Priming Research Went off the Rails", https://replicationindex.com/2017/02/02/reconstruction-of-a-train-wreck-how-priming-research-went-of-the-rails/ https://replicationindex.com/2017/02/02/reconstruction-of-a-...

wigl 6y ago

Thinking, Fast and Slow is good if you like pop-sci, but has aged like milk if you are into the science. I respect Kahneman for walking back some of his claims since but he needs to publish a revision.

caleb-allen 6y ago
Agreed. I ate that book up for the first half, and when I came across the concept of "priming" I was obsessed. I looked it up only to find it had been largely debunked. Immediately lost interest. There are some great concepts in there, but it's not worth my time to tease out what is and is not legitimate. I'd also want him to publish a revision, I've enjoyed listening to Kahneman on podcasts and have nothing against him as an author

chrischattin 6y ago

"Thinking, Fast and Slow" was pretty underwhelming to me given the hype. There's much better stuff out there if you're interested in cognitive biases, behavior, etc.

enitihas 6y ago
Can you enumerate the better stuff if possible?
- chrischattin 6y ago
  Sure. Stuff like Taleb's "Fooled by Randomness" or Caldini's "Influence: the Psychology of Persuasion" stand out as much better off the top of my head. There's more, but I'd have to go back to my notes.
  - willhslade 6y ago
    Please do, those are both excellent choices.