4 ms·

Someone I work with looks very youthful for their actual age, and that isn't always a good thing. When the team went on an offsite morale event jet skiing, he

Someone I work with looks very youthful for their actual age, and that isn't always a good thing. When the team went on an offsite morale event jet skiing, he was told by the proprietor that he couldn't participate because their policy requires you to be at least 16 years old. He was 27 at the time. He never lived that down with his peers. When he tries to go to a bar with friends, he's sometimes accused of trying to pass off a fake ID. These experiences are deeply embarrassing for him. Imagine trying to get promoted to a senior director position at a company while looking like you are fresh out of college. In that case ageism takes a different meaning.

Meegul 6y ago
I'm only 23, so I understand that I am young, but looking young is, without a doubt, a serious disadvantage when it comes to people trusting in your ability. I recently worked on overhauling the reporting system for one of the largest police departments in the US, and every step along the way I was asked who was in charge, how did I enter the workforce so young, how I got an internship while attending high school (I had already graduated college), etc. I even got those types of comments from other employees at companies where I worked full-time. Of course, I don't really have the luxury of getting too offended by it all the time, otherwise I'd be really bitter, but the classic "Oh well you'll be glad you look young when you're older" gets tiring.
- abootstrapper 6y ago
  I always looked about 5 years younger than my age. It sucked when I was young. At 40 it’s not the worst quality, but it also doesn’t help much. So I look 35, big whoop. I did discover wearing my hair long in my 20s made me look a bit older (eh, more like my age). Might try modifying your look.
  - Meegul 6y ago
    Absolutely, just dressing differently and changing a few things has helped. Facial hair is a big one. I'd rather look young than be balding at 23 like some of my peers.
    - abootstrapper 6y ago
      Right!? I found dressing “older” actually made me look younger. It looked like I was pretending to be grown up. I kind of embraced a rock/slacker look in my 20s and that worked best. These days I just do the dad look. That works fine. Best of luck out there!
- DenisM 6y ago
  Wear a suit? That thing buys a lot of deference. You have to be careful not to come across like "a suit" in the engineering circles, it's a tricky balance, but it's worth it.
burmer 6y ago
Yeah, I have experienced this as well before hair loss started up in earnest. Not really fun walking around with your partner of the same age and someone thinking she's your mom (she started graying early).
gotrythis 6y ago
I think people age at different rates. My Dad is in his mid 80's and plays four hours of sports a day, or at least he was before the pandemic hit. When I was in my mid-20's I had to impress the hell out of potential clients to get work, as I looked like I was 15, and girls my own age wouldn't look at me as I was too young. I never drank, so bars weren't an issue. When I was in my early forties, 15-20 year old girls were still coming on to me. I will be 50 next year, and I finally look like I'm in my 20s or 30s, and still get those looks from University-aged girls whenever I venture where they hang out. A couple of years ago, my now 43 year old partner was mistaken for her teenage doppelganger and asked to the high school prom by three different boys while walking home from work. It was annoying earlier, but now I look forward to turning out to be one of the immortals.
- asciimo 6y ago
  > A couple of years ago, my now 43 year old partner was mistaken for her teenage doppelganger and asked to the high school prom by three different boys while walking home from work. Pretty sure I saw this movie in the 80s.
- xwdv 6y ago
  One thing to remember is that people don’t have perfect vision either. As long as you are not out of shape or have sagging skin or gray hairs, people will not be able to clearly see any wrinkles or other textures in skin that would give away age. In general I’ve seen a lot of people that look young for their age but when looking at their skin up close on their face, neck or hands it gives it away. Women are also at an obvious advantage through their use of makeup.
- TMWNN 6y ago
  >When I was in my early forties, 15-20 year old girls were still coming on to me. I will be 50 next year I've read that when Scott McNealy met his future wife (they married when he was 40) she thought that he was a Stanford undergraduate.
tjalfi 6y ago
Here's a response that he can use when people comment on his youthful appearance. "You look so young." "I have this portrait in my attic."
- sethammons 6y ago
  I appreciate the dorian gray reference :)
LouisSayers 6y ago
A friend of mine also has this issue. She just turned 30 but looks like she could be a teenager, or perhaps a uni student. We did a Dexa scan a few months back and it put her age based on body composition at 14. She gets annoyed about it sometimes as she feels people don't treat her seriously. Because of this she's quite conscious of what she wears, and how she presents herself. For anyone curious you can find her on youtube - search "Good Paleo Life"
cko 6y ago
I am 34, and people always say I look 23. In my last job, upon meeting me, people asked if I was a student (intern) or just graduated. It was nice. I can't grow facial hair though so I have no choice. What worries me is when I'm 45, I'll look like the world's oldest 30 year old or something.
chmod775 6y ago
I'm 26 and but I look much younger (as long as I shave my beard). I regularly have to show my ID when buying alcohol for instance (which you can do with 16-18 in my country). It's rather fun for me and I enjoy these kinds of interactions. Can't say it really ever hindered or embarrassed me in any way. I suspect that if those people who feel embarrassed because they look young were looking older, they'd find something else to be embarrassed about. It's easy to find any number of shortcomings with yourself.
raverbashing 6y ago
He should grow a beard then. It probably helps.

Meegul 6y ago

I'm only 23, so I understand that I am young, but looking young is, without a doubt, a serious disadvantage when it comes to people trusting in your ability. I recently worked on overhauling the reporting system for one of the largest police departments in the US, and every step along the way I was asked who was in charge, how did I enter the workforce so young, how I got an internship while attending high school (I had already graduated college), etc. I even got those types of comments from other employees at companies where I worked full-time. Of course, I don't really have the luxury of getting too offended by it all the time, otherwise I'd be really bitter, but the classic "Oh well you'll be glad you look young when you're older" gets tiring.

abootstrapper 6y ago
I always looked about 5 years younger than my age. It sucked when I was young. At 40 it’s not the worst quality, but it also doesn’t help much. So I look 35, big whoop. I did discover wearing my hair long in my 20s made me look a bit older (eh, more like my age). Might try modifying your look.
- Meegul 6y ago
  Absolutely, just dressing differently and changing a few things has helped. Facial hair is a big one. I'd rather look young than be balding at 23 like some of my peers.
  - abootstrapper 6y ago
    Right!? I found dressing “older” actually made me look younger. It looked like I was pretending to be grown up. I kind of embraced a rock/slacker look in my 20s and that worked best. These days I just do the dad look. That works fine. Best of luck out there!
DenisM 6y ago
Wear a suit? That thing buys a lot of deference. You have to be careful not to come across like "a suit" in the engineering circles, it's a tricky balance, but it's worth it.

burmer 6y ago

Yeah, I have experienced this as well before hair loss started up in earnest. Not really fun walking around with your partner of the same age and someone thinking she's your mom (she started graying early).

gotrythis 6y ago

I think people age at different rates. My Dad is in his mid 80's and plays four hours of sports a day, or at least he was before the pandemic hit. When I was in my mid-20's I had to impress the hell out of potential clients to get work, as I looked like I was 15, and girls my own age wouldn't look at me as I was too young. I never drank, so bars weren't an issue. When I was in my early forties, 15-20 year old girls were still coming on to me. I will be 50 next year, and I finally look like I'm in my 20s or 30s, and still get those looks from University-aged girls whenever I venture where they hang out. A couple of years ago, my now 43 year old partner was mistaken for her teenage doppelganger and asked to the high school prom by three different boys while walking home from work. It was annoying earlier, but now I look forward to turning out to be one of the immortals.

asciimo 6y ago
> A couple of years ago, my now 43 year old partner was mistaken for her teenage doppelganger and asked to the high school prom by three different boys while walking home from work. Pretty sure I saw this movie in the 80s.
xwdv 6y ago
One thing to remember is that people don’t have perfect vision either. As long as you are not out of shape or have sagging skin or gray hairs, people will not be able to clearly see any wrinkles or other textures in skin that would give away age. In general I’ve seen a lot of people that look young for their age but when looking at their skin up close on their face, neck or hands it gives it away. Women are also at an obvious advantage through their use of makeup.
TMWNN 6y ago
>When I was in my early forties, 15-20 year old girls were still coming on to me. I will be 50 next year I've read that when Scott McNealy met his future wife (they married when he was 40) she thought that he was a Stanford undergraduate.

tjalfi 6y ago

Here's a response that he can use when people comment on his youthful appearance. "You look so young." "I have this portrait in my attic."

sethammons 6y ago
I appreciate the dorian gray reference :)

LouisSayers 6y ago

A friend of mine also has this issue. She just turned 30 but looks like she could be a teenager, or perhaps a uni student. We did a Dexa scan a few months back and it put her age based on body composition at 14. She gets annoyed about it sometimes as she feels people don't treat her seriously. Because of this she's quite conscious of what she wears, and how she presents herself. For anyone curious you can find her on youtube - search "Good Paleo Life"

cko 6y ago

I am 34, and people always say I look 23. In my last job, upon meeting me, people asked if I was a student (intern) or just graduated. It was nice. I can't grow facial hair though so I have no choice. What worries me is when I'm 45, I'll look like the world's oldest 30 year old or something.

chmod775 6y ago

I'm 26 and but I look much younger (as long as I shave my beard). I regularly have to show my ID when buying alcohol for instance (which you can do with 16-18 in my country). It's rather fun for me and I enjoy these kinds of interactions. Can't say it really ever hindered or embarrassed me in any way. I suspect that if those people who feel embarrassed because they look young were looking older, they'd find something else to be embarrassed about. It's easy to find any number of shortcomings with yourself.

raverbashing 6y ago

He should grow a beard then. It probably helps.