This is the best writing advice I ever received: "The first rule of style is to have something to say. The second rule of style is to control yourself when, by

This is the best writing advice I ever received: "The first rule of style is to have something to say. The second rule of style is to control yourself when, by chance, you have two things to say; say first one, then the other, not both at the same time." It's a quote by George Polya. The paragraphs you have written don't seem unprofessional to me. The best way to improve the "flow" of ideas when you write is to have a clear idea of where one idea ends and the other starts. For longer pieces of writing, consider intentionally "signposting", by saying meta things like "now that I have explained X, I can set out why Y is so interesting".