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Can someone please help me understand? I feel such a strong aversion to acknowledge almost every holiday, especially marketing-driven ones like Mother’s Day. F

Can someone please help me understand? I feel such a strong aversion to acknowledge almost every holiday, especially marketing-driven ones like Mother’s Day. Frankly saying “happy Mother’s Day” feels like I’m defiling myself and mindlessly buying into propaganda. Isn’t it enough to treat mothers/fathers/etc well on a regular basis? Doesn’t that mean more than a call/card once a year? I don’t want to be this way. Help me.

jshevek 7y ago
How does your mother feel about it? I respect your inclination to reject marketing driven social manipulation, but if it's important to your mother, that might be an reason to set aside this viewpoint. You would be doing it for you mom, not for Hallmark.
luckylion 7y ago
> Frankly saying “happy Mother’s Day” feels like I’m defiling myself and mindlessly buying into propaganda. It's not about you, it's about her. If your mother would appreciate a call on this day, call her. The "official" holiday is just an organized opportunity for you to say thanks. Of course, you can send her flowers and call her any day of the year, but most people don't. Having a set date gives you a reason. If she's anything like my mother, she'll be happy you thought of her. It's a gesture, not an announcement that you will from now until the end of times surrender to the marketing of flower shops. It's not about you, it's about her.
rootusrootus 7y ago
I hate hallmark holidays too. So don't buy a card. I don't. But I do take an extra moment to pick up the phone and wish my mother a happy mother's day. Just because it's formal and seems trite doesn't mean I deliberately go the opposite direction. I love my mom and I make sure to communicate that every time we talk, so this is just icing on the cake.
screye 7y ago
Yeah, I don't get it either. I don't wish my mom on mother's day. (almost stubbornly so, she knows I don't buy into it). It is kind of sad that I get to see her maybe once a year, due to my visa situation. But, I talk to her almost everyday. We don't talk about much, mostly small talk, and I do try to make her birthday special. But, yeah, mother's day seems to be more like a threat than a celebration. Like, " Wish your mom and buy our gifts, because we have artificially raised expectations about a completely arbitrary day, and set her up for disappointment in case you don't." I totally agree. Just talk to them regularly. If anything, just sending a card and calling on their special days is kind of insulting. Like, "the only time I can bear to talk to you, is when society shames me into it."
hoorayimhelping 7y ago
I frame it like this: After my mother is gone, and I can't call her and say, "Happy Mother's day, Mom! I know we talked two days ago, but I just wanted to say I love you and appreciate you! Did you have a good brunch?" how would I feel about not doing that today because of my hate of consumerism? Will I feel really good about myself, that I've lived my values and not bought into to some stupid fake holiday meant to sell greeting cards? Or will I be filled with regret that I didn't take every opportunity to tell the woman who selflessly raised me, who gave up the prime of her life to set me on a course that has led to a lot of happiness and fulfillment, that I love and appreciate her? When I frame it like that, my values always seem kind of shallow and solipsistic. The point of this isn't for me to feel good about my strong values. It's to let my mother feel good and appreciated for everything she did for me. Just for context: I text my mom a few times a week and we FaceTime at leat once every two weeks, and I usually let her know how much I appreciate her when we chat, so it's not like I'm using only Mother's Day to express myself.
bdcravens 7y ago
How does your mom feel about the holiday? I feel much the same way about birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine's Day, etc. I know those I care about will feel some hurt if I don't do the thing, so that's what I base my actions on.
sergiotapia 7y ago
You may see it this way, but women appreciate you remembering the small stuff. A call doesn't cost you anything, a tiny card costs you $1.98 at Dollar Tree. It's worth it to make your mom feel special for a day no?
airstrike 7y ago
It's a special day for mothers. Just like your birthday is a special day for you. You're not supposed to spend any extra money necessarily, you're just supposed to some time today with your mother (and presumably the rest of the family), and maybe think about her a little more than you would any other day. You're not buying into propaganda. If it makes you feel like that, you're the one imbuing the day with that particular quality.
arm 7y ago
Well, while Mother’s Day is extremely commercialized now, that wasn’t the intention behind its creation. From the Wikipedia article: “The modern Mother's Day began in the United States, at the initiative of Anna Jarvis in the early 20th century. The U.S.-derived modern version of Mother's Day has been criticized for having become too commercialized. Founder Jarvis herself regretted this commercialism and expressed views on how that was never her intention. Although Jarvis was successful in founding Mother's Day, she became resentful of the commercialization of the holiday. By the early 1920s, Hallmark Cards and other companies had started selling Mother's Day cards. Jarvis believed that the companies had misinterpreted and exploited the idea of Mother's Day and that the emphasis of the holiday was on sentiment, not profit. As a result, she organized boycotts of Mother's Day, and threatened to issue lawsuits against the companies involved. Jarvis argued that people should appreciate and honor their mothers through handwritten letters expressing their love and gratitude, instead of buying gifts and pre-made cards.” You can simply ignore the modern version of Mother’s Day and do something more aligned with the original intention.

jshevek 7y ago

How does your mother feel about it? I respect your inclination to reject marketing driven social manipulation, but if it's important to your mother, that might be an reason to set aside this viewpoint. You would be doing it for you mom, not for Hallmark.

luckylion 7y ago

> Frankly saying “happy Mother’s Day” feels like I’m defiling myself and mindlessly buying into propaganda. It's not about you, it's about her. If your mother would appreciate a call on this day, call her. The "official" holiday is just an organized opportunity for you to say thanks. Of course, you can send her flowers and call her any day of the year, but most people don't. Having a set date gives you a reason. If she's anything like my mother, she'll be happy you thought of her. It's a gesture, not an announcement that you will from now until the end of times surrender to the marketing of flower shops. It's not about you, it's about her.

rootusrootus 7y ago

I hate hallmark holidays too. So don't buy a card. I don't. But I do take an extra moment to pick up the phone and wish my mother a happy mother's day. Just because it's formal and seems trite doesn't mean I deliberately go the opposite direction. I love my mom and I make sure to communicate that every time we talk, so this is just icing on the cake.

screye 7y ago

Yeah, I don't get it either. I don't wish my mom on mother's day. (almost stubbornly so, she knows I don't buy into it). It is kind of sad that I get to see her maybe once a year, due to my visa situation. But, I talk to her almost everyday. We don't talk about much, mostly small talk, and I do try to make her birthday special. But, yeah, mother's day seems to be more like a threat than a celebration. Like, " Wish your mom and buy our gifts, because we have artificially raised expectations about a completely arbitrary day, and set her up for disappointment in case you don't." I totally agree. Just talk to them regularly. If anything, just sending a card and calling on their special days is kind of insulting. Like, "the only time I can bear to talk to you, is when society shames me into it."

hoorayimhelping 7y ago

I frame it like this: After my mother is gone, and I can't call her and say, "Happy Mother's day, Mom! I know we talked two days ago, but I just wanted to say I love you and appreciate you! Did you have a good brunch?" how would I feel about not doing that today because of my hate of consumerism? Will I feel really good about myself, that I've lived my values and not bought into to some stupid fake holiday meant to sell greeting cards? Or will I be filled with regret that I didn't take every opportunity to tell the woman who selflessly raised me, who gave up the prime of her life to set me on a course that has led to a lot of happiness and fulfillment, that I love and appreciate her? When I frame it like that, my values always seem kind of shallow and solipsistic. The point of this isn't for me to feel good about my strong values. It's to let my mother feel good and appreciated for everything she did for me. Just for context: I text my mom a few times a week and we FaceTime at leat once every two weeks, and I usually let her know how much I appreciate her when we chat, so it's not like I'm using only Mother's Day to express myself.

bdcravens 7y ago

How does your mom feel about the holiday? I feel much the same way about birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine's Day, etc. I know those I care about will feel some hurt if I don't do the thing, so that's what I base my actions on.

sergiotapia 7y ago

You may see it this way, but women appreciate you remembering the small stuff. A call doesn't cost you anything, a tiny card costs you $1.98 at Dollar Tree. It's worth it to make your mom feel special for a day no?

airstrike 7y ago

It's a special day for mothers. Just like your birthday is a special day for you. You're not supposed to spend any extra money necessarily, you're just supposed to some time today with your mother (and presumably the rest of the family), and maybe think about her a little more than you would any other day. You're not buying into propaganda. If it makes you feel like that, you're the one imbuing the day with that particular quality.

arm 7y ago

Well, while Mother’s Day is extremely commercialized now, that wasn’t the intention behind its creation. From the Wikipedia article: “The modern Mother's Day began in the United States, at the initiative of Anna Jarvis in the early 20th century. The U.S.-derived modern version of Mother's Day has been criticized for having become too commercialized. Founder Jarvis herself regretted this commercialism and expressed views on how that was never her intention. Although Jarvis was successful in founding Mother's Day, she became resentful of the commercialization of the holiday. By the early 1920s, Hallmark Cards and other companies had started selling Mother's Day cards. Jarvis believed that the companies had misinterpreted and exploited the idea of Mother's Day and that the emphasis of the holiday was on sentiment, not profit. As a result, she organized boycotts of Mother's Day, and threatened to issue lawsuits against the companies involved. Jarvis argued that people should appreciate and honor their mothers through handwritten letters expressing their love and gratitude, instead of buying gifts and pre-made cards.” You can simply ignore the modern version of Mother’s Day and do something more aligned with the original intention.