Not to defend her, but to defend listening to her... Often the people in a position to give the most important feedback are _not_ in a position to give feedbac

Not to defend her, but to defend listening to her... Often the people in a position to give the most important feedback are _not_ in a position to give feedback gently and tactfully. So if you want to really know the world, you need to have a check in your mind that lets you take tactless feedback. One example is when you hurt someone... a person you hurt is almost never going to be in a position to gently, calmly say what happened in a fair, generous way. That kind of feedback almost always comes with barbs, or inflations that accompany a person trying to talk to someone who hurt them. If you ignore tactless feedback, you will mostly never be able to understand the people you hurt. Another category like this is feedback about norms. People who are well versed in norms and good at operating within them generally won’t be the people who can see outside of those same norms. The people who can see alternatives to norms, who can give feedback on where they work and don’t work, often will not be able to give that feedback in a way that conforms to other norms. So if you ignore tactless feedback, you will mostly never be able to understand broken norms. If you can separate the content of the message from how it’s delivered you can dramatically increase your access to understanding.