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There's one other huge factor at work here (for many programmers, anyway). I'm tempted to call it the "wimp factor", but that's too negative, so I'll just call
by edw519 16y ago
There's one other huge factor at work here (for many programmers, anyway). I'm tempted to call it the "wimp factor", but that's too negative, so I'll just call it the "introvert factor". I'm a perfect example...
I was always small for my age and looked nerdy with my glasses and attraction to books, etc. I was always picked last for sports teams, drew little attention from girls, and was usually the first one to be bullied. It even happened in my own family, subconsciously I hope. It was always easier to pick on the little guy to get what you want.
Fast forward to adulthood, and not much has changed, especially with bosses. It seems like my boss was always a sales/business guy, extroverted, and bigger than me. His/her natural reaction was to "bully", probably because they knew they could get away with it. This was for almost everything: project management, discussions about work, and of course, money.
No more. I don't know exactly when it happened, but I decided not to take this shit any more. The more anyone picked on me, the harder I shot back, right between the eyes. Nothing pisses me off more than being bullied, especially about money.
This is not natural behavior for me. (I imagine if it was natural, I would have become a sales person or a lawyer.) I have to consciously work hard to stick up for myself. But as soon as I paint the other person, especially my boss, as a bully, I put myself on even ground. And as soon as they see that, they understand that they can no longer take advantage of me. Only then can I be treated like everyone else.
- blhack 16y agoYou are completely dead-on with this assessment. For me, and I suspect for a lot of people, "tech" was a place that we could go during our childhoods where people would just leave us alone. If I was sitting in my room trying to figure out some bizarre IRQ conflict between my sound card and my wireless card, nobody was standing there making fun of me for not being able to run as fast as them, or not being able to do any pushups. "We judge people based on what they say and thing, not what they look like, and you call us criminals." I think that's why a lot of kids turned to tech. Well the same thing is happening now in the workplace. If we just shut up and sit in our cubes, nobody will bother us. Standing up to $boss means that we might be embarrassed.
- jnovek 16y agoSo, what do you do (or have you done) if your boss is a fairly rational geek-type? I'm a geek and am sympathetic to the problems you've described, but for me negotiating salaries is every bit as miserable from the other side of the fence (I run a startup) for the same reasons (introverted, etc.). When I encounter engineers who have been "hardened" by crummy bosses in the past, I often just toss salary negotiations off onto my business and sales-minded cofounder who doesn't mind playing hardball.
- edw519 16y agoSo, what do you do (or have you done) if your boss is a fairly rational geek-type? In my experience, "fairly rational geek-type" and "boss" are a contradiction in terms. I honestly believe that a rational geek has to give up some rationality in order to become a boss. I didn't mean to infer that anyone has to play hardball. I just needed to give myself an attitude adjustment to level the playing field. In any negotiation, only 2 things are really needed: (1) Treat the other person the way you would want to be treated and (2) Do the right thing. What could be more rational than that?
- endtime 16y ago>I honestly believe that a rational geek has to give up some rationality in order to become a boss. Uh, that doesn't make sense. Becoming a boss might cause your incentives and perspective to change, but if "rationality" makes you worse at your job then whatever you're calling "rationality" isn't.
- dpritchett 16y agoI'm guessing edw519's post was a riff on "what got you here won't get you there", namely that a highly developed ability to reason logically and to debug is less valuable to a manager than to a developer. Managers are going to also need plenty of empathy and charisma.
- bostonpete 16y ago
- analyst74 16y agoA bit off topic, but during past years I've changed from extremely introvert to occasional extrovert. And in the process, I find that the best mentality is to not take anyone too seriously, especially myself. In the past, when others behave slightly offensive to me, verbally or physically, I'd duck and paint him as a bully; but now, I take those as jokes and if they are funny, I laugh. Occasionally I act offensively too, (hopefully) in a funny way, and that actually makes people like me more than when I respected everyone.
- rocktronica 16y agoI didn't know it was possible to switch. I'd be interested to hear about the process you took and the outcomes and side effects from it (pros, cons, etc).
- dustingetz 16y agoI did it too, during and right after college. if you nag me i might write about it. "fake it till you make it"
- artmageddon 16y agoDo it. The rest of us are writing about it, you know you want to too! ;)
- rocktronica 16y agoThis is me nagging.
- zacharycohn 16y ago"Fake it 'till you make it" has so fundamentally changed how I function.
- Dylanlacey 16y agoHeh, amazing isn't it? Bullshit has a single purpose, and that's to turn itself into gold.