Accept the world for what is vs. what you want it to be. As child you revolted against reality by escaping into sci-fi. No judgement here. I find that sci-fi,

Accept the world for what is vs. what you want it to be. As child you revolted against reality by escaping into sci-fi. No judgement here. I find that sci-fi, especially good sci-fi is more digestible form of philosophy. As you aged and achieved comfort and "success" the world has revealed to be unfair. You always knew it to be the case but now you see it. The lies. The callous nature. The straight up self surviving people that seem to be self-satisfied without even a hint of guilt you get for accidentally swapping a fly. You have guilt for not being as happy as you should be given how lucky you are despite all the things that didn't quite work out the way you wanted them to. And yet, wake up every day you must. Do something. You have companionship, yet another privilege you can feel guilty for not appreciating it enough. So how to fix this? Stop expecting the world to be something it is not. Stop hoping for humanity. This is not a sad thought, but once you accept reality. Then and only then can you figure "okay, now what". What problems do I want to solve, which people do I want to help. You realize you can't help everyone. So focus. Appreciate the gratitude you get by serving others. Could be family or your community, but big nameless though important causes won't feed your soul. Check out some stuff on The Myth of Sisyphus. This may help you in your journey. What we fear to enslave us is the thing that may actual free us. The obligations of life provides the purpose that freedom never give.