4 ms·

I never really did it when I was younger, but as i've gotten older i've started just talking to random people I see regularly around the neighbourhood or on my

I never really did it when I was younger, but as i've gotten older i've started just talking to random people I see regularly around the neighbourhood or on my bus commute to work and honestly you end up meeting some pretty varied and interesting people. I've ended up becoming acquaintances with a ton of random people, many of which are people I would never end up associating with under other circumstances. I've had some really great conversations, heard some really cool, some really strange and some really heartbreaking stories. Sometimes I meet these people once and never see them again, sometimes i'll see them regularly for a while but then they vanish and I never see them again or in those odd cases they end up becoming friends. The article touched on it a bit, but it has been hard not being able to talk to random people lately with this lockdown and all. It's amazing the kind of people you can just meet randomly in your day.

c0nsumer 7y ago
I feel like a lot of this comes with "just being nice to people" which makes everyone feel nice, and makes a community feel good. So long as one isn't that... weird... guy who talks Way Too Much, it seems like a great thing for everyone. I've been trying to do this myself for a while, and now it almost comes natural? Even just a "hey there!" or "hello!" gets a nice response. Sometimes you end up chatting, often not, but oh well... At least it's not just ignoring each other in silence, eh?
mettamage 7y ago
I learned this behavior by reading the Luck Factor, but that book isn't magical. What was magical is that it nudged me to do this. One small tidbit that might be fun to share was when I met a seemingly shy woman and we started a conversation and eventually I asked. What do you do? I program traffic lights. What language are they programmed in? In C Who knew? :D
- mettamage 7y ago
  Downvote feedback welcome. I did not expect people to downvote this. At worst, I expected people to see this comment as neutral. I'm fine with losing points, I am simply curious as to what goes through people their minds when they downvote it. My perspective: This comment does not seem to break HN guidelines. Here is the contribution of the comment: - Assuming that making smalltalk to strangers is a good thing (parent's showcase), then what's more important is doing it. It doesn't matter how you're inspired to do it. - Perhaps read the Luck Factor - Traffic lights are programmed in C (in my part of the world) If the downvote comes from that it doesn't add enough. Fair enough. If it's rather something else (tone, some form of negative emotion, civility or anything like that), I'd be curious to know how it affects people. If no one gives feedback after me asking explicitly, I get it.
  - mercer 7y ago
    1) sometimes comments get downvoted for no apparent reason, in which they usually get upvoted again later. 2) many HN users downvote comments that talk about being downvoted, as it is against the rules (and can come across as needy/whiny). 3. while it can feel bad to see your comments turn grey, it's probably not healthy to let it affect your feelings (much). I've often wondered by sometimes perfectly reasonable comments are downloaded, and I suspect it's 1) because people just don't like the commenter because of other comments, 2) mis-clicks, 3) bots that randomly vote to appear like real users. FWIW, I upvoted your original comment and downvoted this one because of 2.
  - jotm 7y ago
    I've come to the conclusion weird downvotes are just a short, mostly emotion driven decisions. Sort of a "Too complicated, did not understand, seems bad - downvotes". Every social website suffers from it. TBH, I would like to hear it from someone who does it, because I don't think my explanation quite covers it... I, for example, never downvote unless it's obviously completely wrong or extremely offensive (and intended to be so).
  - taneq 7y ago
    I tend to assume that with no accompanying response on an otherwise uninflammatory post, a downvote is just a 'disagree' from one of the minority that use them that way. (Of course sometimes it just means I said something inflammatory, but usually it's pretty clear if I have.)
  - mettamage 7y ago
    Thanks for the feedback mercer, taneq and jotm (at the time of writing). I really appreciate it. There were a couple of things there that I hadn't considered.
alexpetralia 7y ago
In a podcast episode entitled "The Science of Happiness" on Sam Harris' Making Sense, the guest (a researcher in happiness and well-being) argues that we feel happier in our lives the more of these passing conversations we engage in. Definitely a skill worth investing in!
JoeAltmaier 7y ago
This strikes home. I too noticed in public, I talked only with people I was comfortable with. Chatted up folks who looked like me, acted like me. I am changing. I talk weather with the next person in line regardless of their culture (if they're receptive). Make eye contact with everyone. Smile and nod even if there's no time to talk. Notice people's kids and make faces at babies. So far, very good responses. Some new friends, the proprietor of the diner I frequent, the waitstaff there, some distant neighbors who frequent my gas station. Random senior woman who was looking at the hole where the old dance hall used to be (construction downtown). Craig, the homeless guy who lives under a bridge and asks for change on the mall. He has told me some very interesting stories about life on the road! Some folks are stunned when I 'see' them. People from different cultures are accustomed to being invisible. I try to be respectful of this too, brief comment, the weather, wish them a good day.
- clairity 7y ago
  i applaud your effort to break out of your bubble, and to that end, make these observations: "regardless of their culture" -> that's othering. you could substitute "regarless of our cultural differences" and be less confrontational in that regard. "Some folks are stunned when I 'see' them. People from different cultures are accustomed to being invisible." -> why you, and again, why is it your culture vs. theirs? why would they be invisible and not you? culture is shared, and the effects of your (new) actions is to create that shared culture. perceiving 'other' cultures this way is antagonistic. other people feel that, even if they are otherwise polite and welcoming.
  - JoeAltmaier 7y ago
    Because I am the mainstream culture, they are the ones who are accustomed to being invisible. I am anything but invisible - 6'4" 230lbs white male - everybody sees me come into the room. And yes folks from other countries recently arrived are correctly described as having 'a different culture'. Else the word 'culture' loses all meaning. I'm sympathetic to efforts to diminish 'them' vs 'us. But the topic here is exactly that, and its appropriate to call it out.
Gys 7y ago
Still have to read the article, I set it aside to read it later. But your comment first really resonates with me. I have the same experience (age? ;-) and actually organized many events in the past years for random people to meet in person. Because of the virus that had to stop, so then I started building a platform to do the same online. I do not have a website yet for the platform, but this is the next event: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/104238227344 https://www.eventbrite.com/e/104238227344. I would appreciate your feedback on this.

c0nsumer 7y ago

I feel like a lot of this comes with "just being nice to people" which makes everyone feel nice, and makes a community feel good. So long as one isn't that... weird... guy who talks Way Too Much, it seems like a great thing for everyone. I've been trying to do this myself for a while, and now it almost comes natural? Even just a "hey there!" or "hello!" gets a nice response. Sometimes you end up chatting, often not, but oh well... At least it's not just ignoring each other in silence, eh?

mettamage 7y ago

I learned this behavior by reading the Luck Factor, but that book isn't magical. What was magical is that it nudged me to do this. One small tidbit that might be fun to share was when I met a seemingly shy woman and we started a conversation and eventually I asked. What do you do? I program traffic lights. What language are they programmed in? In C Who knew? :D

mettamage 7y ago
Downvote feedback welcome. I did not expect people to downvote this. At worst, I expected people to see this comment as neutral. I'm fine with losing points, I am simply curious as to what goes through people their minds when they downvote it. My perspective: This comment does not seem to break HN guidelines. Here is the contribution of the comment: - Assuming that making smalltalk to strangers is a good thing (parent's showcase), then what's more important is doing it. It doesn't matter how you're inspired to do it. - Perhaps read the Luck Factor - Traffic lights are programmed in C (in my part of the world) If the downvote comes from that it doesn't add enough. Fair enough. If it's rather something else (tone, some form of negative emotion, civility or anything like that), I'd be curious to know how it affects people. If no one gives feedback after me asking explicitly, I get it.
- mercer 7y ago
  1) sometimes comments get downvoted for no apparent reason, in which they usually get upvoted again later. 2) many HN users downvote comments that talk about being downvoted, as it is against the rules (and can come across as needy/whiny). 3. while it can feel bad to see your comments turn grey, it's probably not healthy to let it affect your feelings (much). I've often wondered by sometimes perfectly reasonable comments are downloaded, and I suspect it's 1) because people just don't like the commenter because of other comments, 2) mis-clicks, 3) bots that randomly vote to appear like real users. FWIW, I upvoted your original comment and downvoted this one because of 2.
- jotm 7y ago
  I've come to the conclusion weird downvotes are just a short, mostly emotion driven decisions. Sort of a "Too complicated, did not understand, seems bad - downvotes". Every social website suffers from it. TBH, I would like to hear it from someone who does it, because I don't think my explanation quite covers it... I, for example, never downvote unless it's obviously completely wrong or extremely offensive (and intended to be so).
- taneq 7y ago
  I tend to assume that with no accompanying response on an otherwise uninflammatory post, a downvote is just a 'disagree' from one of the minority that use them that way. (Of course sometimes it just means I said something inflammatory, but usually it's pretty clear if I have.)
- mettamage 7y ago
  Thanks for the feedback mercer, taneq and jotm (at the time of writing). I really appreciate it. There were a couple of things there that I hadn't considered.

alexpetralia 7y ago

In a podcast episode entitled "The Science of Happiness" on Sam Harris' Making Sense, the guest (a researcher in happiness and well-being) argues that we feel happier in our lives the more of these passing conversations we engage in. Definitely a skill worth investing in!

JoeAltmaier 7y ago

This strikes home. I too noticed in public, I talked only with people I was comfortable with. Chatted up folks who looked like me, acted like me. I am changing. I talk weather with the next person in line regardless of their culture (if they're receptive). Make eye contact with everyone. Smile and nod even if there's no time to talk. Notice people's kids and make faces at babies. So far, very good responses. Some new friends, the proprietor of the diner I frequent, the waitstaff there, some distant neighbors who frequent my gas station. Random senior woman who was looking at the hole where the old dance hall used to be (construction downtown). Craig, the homeless guy who lives under a bridge and asks for change on the mall. He has told me some very interesting stories about life on the road! Some folks are stunned when I 'see' them. People from different cultures are accustomed to being invisible. I try to be respectful of this too, brief comment, the weather, wish them a good day.

clairity 7y ago
i applaud your effort to break out of your bubble, and to that end, make these observations: "regardless of their culture" -> that's othering. you could substitute "regarless of our cultural differences" and be less confrontational in that regard. "Some folks are stunned when I 'see' them. People from different cultures are accustomed to being invisible." -> why you, and again, why is it your culture vs. theirs? why would they be invisible and not you? culture is shared, and the effects of your (new) actions is to create that shared culture. perceiving 'other' cultures this way is antagonistic. other people feel that, even if they are otherwise polite and welcoming.
- JoeAltmaier 7y ago
  Because I am the mainstream culture, they are the ones who are accustomed to being invisible. I am anything but invisible - 6'4" 230lbs white male - everybody sees me come into the room. And yes folks from other countries recently arrived are correctly described as having 'a different culture'. Else the word 'culture' loses all meaning. I'm sympathetic to efforts to diminish 'them' vs 'us. But the topic here is exactly that, and its appropriate to call it out.

Gys 7y ago

Still have to read the article, I set it aside to read it later. But your comment first really resonates with me. I have the same experience (age? ;-) and actually organized many events in the past years for random people to meet in person. Because of the virus that had to stop, so then I started building a platform to do the same online. I do not have a website yet for the platform, but this is the next event: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/104238227344 https://www.eventbrite.com/e/104238227344. I would appreciate your feedback on this.