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I think the specificity of "Patriarch" is what is turning people off your point (in my wife's household, it was DEFINITELY the "Matriarch", if you will, who too

I think the specificity of "Patriarch" is what is turning people off your point (in my wife's household, it was DEFINITELY the "Matriarch", if you will, who took care of finances, arrangements, contracts, etc... the well-meaning but clueless stereotypical-teacher "Patriarch" would not have been capable), but I do think it's worth pondering. Moving from Europe to America and then Canada, I did find a distinct cultural difference about which generation gives more to which and when. As a very broad stereotype: - In my neck of the European woods, parents gave a lot more (time, effort, investment, money, support) to kids; but were taken care of a lot more in their older days - In America, parents gave less; I mean, still love and support their kids, but you're supposed to get a job when you're 15-16, at least partially try to support your university / get a loan, perhaps even move out at 18. In turn, while there's still obviously a relationship, parents are more independent and expect to set up their own late years. I even found examples of a mismatch - families that would grow up in Europe (so parents would give a lot of themselves to their kids), and then end up in North America (so they "reaped less rewards", i.e. were now also expected to fend for themselves, have RRSPs, setup their retirement homes and even funerals/graves, etc). Almost a version of a "lost generation".

3fe9a03ccd14ca5 7y ago
Thank you for the feedback. I changed it to the more accurate term “head of the household”
vinay427 7y ago
I know you acknowledged broad strokes, so just for the sake of context with another data point, in my current neck of the woods in Europe parents tend to provide and expect even less than most Americans/Canadians. The variance within just western Europe is somewhat surprising to me based on others I've talked to.
- NikolaNovak 7y ago
  Absolutely; I should've made my point clearer: there exists obviously a tremendous personal, but also a significant cultural variation in which generation gives how much and when. In the cultures I've been part of, it is so pervasive and subconscious it is completely not considered or thought about, let alone explicitly discussed; and yet, in many ways, also completely relied upon. You live your life based on certain basic assumptions on who will take care of whom, when and how much. People feel bad about discussing them and their conscious spoken words frequently don't match their actual ingrained expectations: e.g. a person saying "Oh no I don't expect anything from my children", may not have actually lived their life, prepared, or emotionally accepted possibility that their children actually wouldn't. Similarly, a parent saying "Oh, I gave my all to my children", might be surprised to see some other parents' extent of "all". And so on. Honestly, I only started even remotely pondering this once I had children, late in my life, after switching cultures a few times and marrying a partner from a different starting culture as well.

3fe9a03ccd14ca5 7y ago

Thank you for the feedback. I changed it to the more accurate term “head of the household”

vinay427 7y ago

I know you acknowledged broad strokes, so just for the sake of context with another data point, in my current neck of the woods in Europe parents tend to provide and expect even less than most Americans/Canadians. The variance within just western Europe is somewhat surprising to me based on others I've talked to.

NikolaNovak 7y ago
Absolutely; I should've made my point clearer: there exists obviously a tremendous personal, but also a significant cultural variation in which generation gives how much and when. In the cultures I've been part of, it is so pervasive and subconscious it is completely not considered or thought about, let alone explicitly discussed; and yet, in many ways, also completely relied upon. You live your life based on certain basic assumptions on who will take care of whom, when and how much. People feel bad about discussing them and their conscious spoken words frequently don't match their actual ingrained expectations: e.g. a person saying "Oh no I don't expect anything from my children", may not have actually lived their life, prepared, or emotionally accepted possibility that their children actually wouldn't. Similarly, a parent saying "Oh, I gave my all to my children", might be surprised to see some other parents' extent of "all". And so on. Honestly, I only started even remotely pondering this once I had children, late in my life, after switching cultures a few times and marrying a partner from a different starting culture as well.