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This is a sad byproduct of diminishing intergenerational housing. In years prior, the head of the house would pass off these types of responsibilities to one o

This is a sad byproduct of diminishing intergenerational housing. In years prior, the head of the house would pass off these types of responsibilities to one of their children, but now our older generation is mostly left to fend for themselves with meager help from the state. Don’t let this happen to your parents! Take on these responsibilities. They spent years cleaning poop off your rear end, it’s the least you can do.

threatofrain 6y ago
Have your kids ward off exploitative market behavior? How many parents open up their finances to their kids, to the point where their children may audit for odorous items?
- antsar 6y ago
  anecote!=data, but I've rescued my parents and grandparents from exploitative ISP costs/service. Grandparents sought the help on their own, complaining that the service was subjectively crappy. Parents gladly took the help when offered.
- rndgermandude 6y ago
  My parents aren't old enough yet that they'd need my help with that. Well, not entirely. My mom had asked me for advice in the past when my dad was on business trips and things couldn't wait until he returned. It was rare, but not unheard of. But I remember my mom and my aunt (her sister) doing that for their parents and having their typical loud-voice conversations in our kitchen about such things, and also my dad doing it for his parents. Not just exploitative stuff, but also things like dealing with companies (like a plumber) and administration, and later on when my grandparents got sicklier they also did most errants/shopping for/with them, took them to the doctor and so on. My dad even ended up taking legal guardianship for my grandpa, as my grandma was considered "unfit" by the court. And later, he did the same for grandma, when she deteriorated further and it was a choice of her being under his guardianship in her own home with professional help once a day and him doing the shopping and keeping the house clean etc, or the state taking guardianship and putting her into a retirement home against her will. He went there straight from work each day for an hour or two until she passed. I'd say it's more common than not.
NikolaNovak 6y ago
I think the specificity of "Patriarch" is what is turning people off your point (in my wife's household, it was DEFINITELY the "Matriarch", if you will, who took care of finances, arrangements, contracts, etc... the well-meaning but clueless stereotypical-teacher "Patriarch" would not have been capable), but I do think it's worth pondering. Moving from Europe to America and then Canada, I did find a distinct cultural difference about which generation gives more to which and when. As a very broad stereotype: - In my neck of the European woods, parents gave a lot more (time, effort, investment, money, support) to kids; but were taken care of a lot more in their older days - In America, parents gave less; I mean, still love and support their kids, but you're supposed to get a job when you're 15-16, at least partially try to support your university / get a loan, perhaps even move out at 18. In turn, while there's still obviously a relationship, parents are more independent and expect to set up their own late years. I even found examples of a mismatch - families that would grow up in Europe (so parents would give a lot of themselves to their kids), and then end up in North America (so they "reaped less rewards", i.e. were now also expected to fend for themselves, have RRSPs, setup their retirement homes and even funerals/graves, etc). Almost a version of a "lost generation".
- 3fe9a03ccd14ca5 6y ago
  Thank you for the feedback. I changed it to the more accurate term “head of the household”
- vinay427 6y ago
  I know you acknowledged broad strokes, so just for the sake of context with another data point, in my current neck of the woods in Europe parents tend to provide and expect even less than most Americans/Canadians. The variance within just western Europe is somewhat surprising to me based on others I've talked to.
  - NikolaNovak 6y ago
    Absolutely; I should've made my point clearer: there exists obviously a tremendous personal, but also a significant cultural variation in which generation gives how much and when. In the cultures I've been part of, it is so pervasive and subconscious it is completely not considered or thought about, let alone explicitly discussed; and yet, in many ways, also completely relied upon. You live your life based on certain basic assumptions on who will take care of whom, when and how much. People feel bad about discussing them and their conscious spoken words frequently don't match their actual ingrained expectations: e.g. a person saying "Oh no I don't expect anything from my children", may not have actually lived their life, prepared, or emotionally accepted possibility that their children actually wouldn't. Similarly, a parent saying "Oh, I gave my all to my children", might be surprised to see some other parents' extent of "all". And so on. Honestly, I only started even remotely pondering this once I had children, late in my life, after switching cultures a few times and marrying a partner from a different starting culture as well.
crankylinuxuser 6y ago
Poor planning on their part does not constitute an emergency on my part. My parents threatened to kick me out on my 18th birthday. That was my big birthday "present" from them. Not soon after, I left. They made is clear and known that I wasn't wanted there, even if I was going through school. I owe them nothing. > They spent years cleaning poop off your rear end, it’s the least you can do. Well.. I never asked to be born. Yet somehow I'm supposed to be shamed into helping? Hardly. It was their complete responsibility to fuck and spawn.

threatofrain 6y ago

Have your kids ward off exploitative market behavior? How many parents open up their finances to their kids, to the point where their children may audit for odorous items?

antsar 6y ago
anecote!=data, but I've rescued my parents and grandparents from exploitative ISP costs/service. Grandparents sought the help on their own, complaining that the service was subjectively crappy. Parents gladly took the help when offered.
rndgermandude 6y ago
My parents aren't old enough yet that they'd need my help with that. Well, not entirely. My mom had asked me for advice in the past when my dad was on business trips and things couldn't wait until he returned. It was rare, but not unheard of. But I remember my mom and my aunt (her sister) doing that for their parents and having their typical loud-voice conversations in our kitchen about such things, and also my dad doing it for his parents. Not just exploitative stuff, but also things like dealing with companies (like a plumber) and administration, and later on when my grandparents got sicklier they also did most errants/shopping for/with them, took them to the doctor and so on. My dad even ended up taking legal guardianship for my grandpa, as my grandma was considered "unfit" by the court. And later, he did the same for grandma, when she deteriorated further and it was a choice of her being under his guardianship in her own home with professional help once a day and him doing the shopping and keeping the house clean etc, or the state taking guardianship and putting her into a retirement home against her will. He went there straight from work each day for an hour or two until she passed. I'd say it's more common than not.

NikolaNovak 6y ago

I think the specificity of "Patriarch" is what is turning people off your point (in my wife's household, it was DEFINITELY the "Matriarch", if you will, who took care of finances, arrangements, contracts, etc... the well-meaning but clueless stereotypical-teacher "Patriarch" would not have been capable), but I do think it's worth pondering. Moving from Europe to America and then Canada, I did find a distinct cultural difference about which generation gives more to which and when. As a very broad stereotype: - In my neck of the European woods, parents gave a lot more (time, effort, investment, money, support) to kids; but were taken care of a lot more in their older days - In America, parents gave less; I mean, still love and support their kids, but you're supposed to get a job when you're 15-16, at least partially try to support your university / get a loan, perhaps even move out at 18. In turn, while there's still obviously a relationship, parents are more independent and expect to set up their own late years. I even found examples of a mismatch - families that would grow up in Europe (so parents would give a lot of themselves to their kids), and then end up in North America (so they "reaped less rewards", i.e. were now also expected to fend for themselves, have RRSPs, setup their retirement homes and even funerals/graves, etc). Almost a version of a "lost generation".

3fe9a03ccd14ca5 6y ago
Thank you for the feedback. I changed it to the more accurate term “head of the household”
vinay427 6y ago
I know you acknowledged broad strokes, so just for the sake of context with another data point, in my current neck of the woods in Europe parents tend to provide and expect even less than most Americans/Canadians. The variance within just western Europe is somewhat surprising to me based on others I've talked to.
- NikolaNovak 6y ago
  Absolutely; I should've made my point clearer: there exists obviously a tremendous personal, but also a significant cultural variation in which generation gives how much and when. In the cultures I've been part of, it is so pervasive and subconscious it is completely not considered or thought about, let alone explicitly discussed; and yet, in many ways, also completely relied upon. You live your life based on certain basic assumptions on who will take care of whom, when and how much. People feel bad about discussing them and their conscious spoken words frequently don't match their actual ingrained expectations: e.g. a person saying "Oh no I don't expect anything from my children", may not have actually lived their life, prepared, or emotionally accepted possibility that their children actually wouldn't. Similarly, a parent saying "Oh, I gave my all to my children", might be surprised to see some other parents' extent of "all". And so on. Honestly, I only started even remotely pondering this once I had children, late in my life, after switching cultures a few times and marrying a partner from a different starting culture as well.

crankylinuxuser 6y ago

Poor planning on their part does not constitute an emergency on my part. My parents threatened to kick me out on my 18th birthday. That was my big birthday "present" from them. Not soon after, I left. They made is clear and known that I wasn't wanted there, even if I was going through school. I owe them nothing. > They spent years cleaning poop off your rear end, it’s the least you can do. Well.. I never asked to be born. Yet somehow I'm supposed to be shamed into helping? Hardly. It was their complete responsibility to fuck and spawn.