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> 1:1 Most teammates value it lmaof not at any company where I've worked. Everyone has hated it just hated it Here is why: - Its awkward because you often h

by demarq 6y ago

> 1:1 Most teammates value it lmaof not at any company where I've worked. Everyone has hated it just hated it Here is why: - Its awkward because you often have little or nothing to discuss. - The person you are speaking to is pretty much powerless should you need something to change - Its yet another meeting you have to attend

Hokusai 6y ago
I guess that it is a cultural thing. When I was manager, one on ones were expected from managers like code was expected from developers. I had a group of people that the 1:1 were monthly instead on biweekly because they were more senior and needed less guidance. But, 1:1s was a key part of every manager job. In another company some manager did not have ones on ones, even that they were supposed to, and their teams were not happy about it. They saw it as their manager avoiding their responsibility and avoiding accountability.
devo-x-lie 6y ago
"Most teammates value it and usually when they don't it's because they haven't seen one conducted well." I feel like you fall into the second category (and I don't mean that in a bad way, I'm in the same boat right now) In my last place, weekly 1-1, which almost always went ahead. Current place, 1-1 once every 6-9 months (it's basically end of year review, or when shit hits the fan). But having been part of both the good and bad; - It's ok to have little, or nothing, to talk about. Knowing that you have A place to talk to in case of anything is good. - The ability to change something isn't what people think it is. Some things take years to change. Seed it early and be the driving factor in it, even if you have little to no power over the actual change itself. - If it's yet another meeting, then it sounds like you are the one not using it correctly (not attacking here, correct me if I am wrong, but maybe have a talk with your manager about the structure of those, and don't just say you are not a fan of it, but propose a structure that you. like)
dcuthbertson 6y ago
I think 1:1s can be okay, if they are used for two-way communication. My manager went to biweekly 1:1, and used them to discuss not only immediate work topics, but career goals & progression. He honestly wants his people to be happy with work and tried Radical Candor methods to help. None of us were sure if RC was any good, but we gave it a shot (before the COVID-19 crisis added a lot of chaos into work & life). For the day-to-day stuff, he listens to ideas, takes questions and tries to find answers. Yes, some days we have little or nothing to talk about, so we each get most or all of our half-hour back.
Irishsteve 6y ago
Unsolicited feedback: Come up with a proposal on how to change something thats bothering you. Either put together a doc and ask for feedback on it, or make more than 1 proposal. Bring it to your 1:1. Talk through it with your manager. Work out where you need support from them (Be it asking for time to focus on it, finding someone else in the org to help you out, etc.) 'The system is too slow', 'Person X has poor quality Y', 'Other business unit / eng team / etc. ideas is flawed we should not do it or do it differently' This helps manage your manager, and make the meeting meaningful for you and most likely your manager. Check out https://medium.com/@sbourke/getting-more-from-your-1-1s-8f71996e286e https://medium.com/@sbourke/getting-more-from-your-1-1s-8f71... , it has a few things from the playbook link as well. I have a more elaborate version I'd give to my direct reports. 1:1s are great if you do them well.
- user5994461 6y ago
  Advice not to write a formal document. Nobody reads the attached doc before joining a meeting. That's a good way to open awkward meetings, mentioning the document, that every single participant know they haven't read. Casually mention the challenge you were having during the one and one and open the discussion. Then only if the manager nods it's an issue and it's affecting your teams/customers and there is nobody working on it and it's not against roadmap or political plans... only then you can consider it for a future project.
nahname 6y ago
If there is nothing to discuss, reduce the cadence. It is the employees meeting, not the managers. If the manager is powerless to address the issues or clarify them, then that is a failing of the manager. It's 30mins once a week or an hour every two. For an IC, this may be one of your only meetings.
- nogabebop23 6y ago
  I find weekly is too frequent for all but brand new junior hires. I do insist on at a minimum monthly frequency. I schedule 30 minutes but budget 60 so I never cut them off.
  - ashtonkem 6y ago
    I go with 30m a week, unless requested otherwise by the direct. It’s dependent a bit on personality types.
driverdan 6y ago
> The person you are speaking to is pretty much powerless should you need something to change Only if your company is terrible. Anyone in the company should be able to recommend a change. If it makes sense it should happen. Full stop. If there's something in your company that prevents change from the bottom up it's very poorly run. I say this having been a regular employee, manager, and founder.
- eatbitseveryday 6y ago
  >> The person you are speaking to is pretty much powerless should you need something to change > Only if your company is terrible. Anyone in the company should be able to recommend a change. If it makes sense it should happen. Full stop. On the whole this makes sense but in my experience at large companies this isn’t how it always works. Often politics get in the way, or priorities limit the actions available. Also depends on the suggestion itself. I’ve had difficulties getting my suggestions heard.
  - nogabebop23 6y ago
    even small-mid companies (< 500) have this problem. Of the 3 complaints the GP stated, it's the only one the manager can't fix easily
peterwwillis 6y ago
> - Its awkward because you often have little or nothing to discuss. This might mean your manager was not empathizing, actively listening, showing concern for you as a person. If they did that, you could spend an hour talking about all sorts of things, because you would enjoy talking to each other. Then you pair it down to the two important things: 1) how you are feeling (as a person/employee/citizen/etc), 2) are there any problems or frustrations you would like to discuss. > - The person you are speaking to is pretty much powerless should you need something to change That might be true, might not be true. The manager's job is to fight for you and defend you. Even if they have no power. They should at least be giving you the illusion that there is something still to be done; and if not, helping you understand the bigger picture, minimizing the bad, and emphasizing the good. > - Its yet another meeting you have to attend True enough. But if the above is done, it's a meeting you might actually enjoy, if only for an opportunity to vent, or share what you're working on that you enjoy.
karatestomp 6y ago
One of the things no-one may tell you in 1:1s: they find them awkward, annoying, and low value. Especially if they're very frequent and the duration is fixed.
nogabebop23 6y ago
These are all valid complaints and they do happen. 1:1s are really awkward to kick off - I find it takes up to 6 months of regular 1:1s before they feel natural. They are massive relationship accelerators though. I also push for them not to be a meeting - we go for coffee or taking a 30min walk is very popular. Then it's like an extra, management-approved break!
- ashtonkem 6y ago
  Walking 1x1s are the best. Not making eye contact by looking towards where we’re headed towards tends to help shy directs.
ashtonkem 6y ago
While I’m going out on a limb here, I suspect that you haven’t worked with good companies and/or managers. While they’re hard to get started, and every manager/managee pair needs to develop their own style, they’ve been an invaluable tool for me both as a manager and as a managee.

by demarq 6y ago

Hokusai 6y ago

I guess that it is a cultural thing. When I was manager, one on ones were expected from managers like code was expected from developers. I had a group of people that the 1:1 were monthly instead on biweekly because they were more senior and needed less guidance. But, 1:1s was a key part of every manager job. In another company some manager did not have ones on ones, even that they were supposed to, and their teams were not happy about it. They saw it as their manager avoiding their responsibility and avoiding accountability.

devo-x-lie 6y ago

"Most teammates value it and usually when they don't it's because they haven't seen one conducted well." I feel like you fall into the second category (and I don't mean that in a bad way, I'm in the same boat right now) In my last place, weekly 1-1, which almost always went ahead. Current place, 1-1 once every 6-9 months (it's basically end of year review, or when shit hits the fan). But having been part of both the good and bad; - It's ok to have little, or nothing, to talk about. Knowing that you have A place to talk to in case of anything is good. - The ability to change something isn't what people think it is. Some things take years to change. Seed it early and be the driving factor in it, even if you have little to no power over the actual change itself. - If it's yet another meeting, then it sounds like you are the one not using it correctly (not attacking here, correct me if I am wrong, but maybe have a talk with your manager about the structure of those, and don't just say you are not a fan of it, but propose a structure that you. like)

dcuthbertson 6y ago

I think 1:1s can be okay, if they are used for two-way communication. My manager went to biweekly 1:1, and used them to discuss not only immediate work topics, but career goals & progression. He honestly wants his people to be happy with work and tried Radical Candor methods to help. None of us were sure if RC was any good, but we gave it a shot (before the COVID-19 crisis added a lot of chaos into work & life). For the day-to-day stuff, he listens to ideas, takes questions and tries to find answers. Yes, some days we have little or nothing to talk about, so we each get most or all of our half-hour back.

Irishsteve 6y ago

Unsolicited feedback: Come up with a proposal on how to change something thats bothering you. Either put together a doc and ask for feedback on it, or make more than 1 proposal. Bring it to your 1:1. Talk through it with your manager. Work out where you need support from them (Be it asking for time to focus on it, finding someone else in the org to help you out, etc.) 'The system is too slow', 'Person X has poor quality Y', 'Other business unit / eng team / etc. ideas is flawed we should not do it or do it differently' This helps manage your manager, and make the meeting meaningful for you and most likely your manager. Check out https://medium.com/@sbourke/getting-more-from-your-1-1s-8f71996e286e https://medium.com/@sbourke/getting-more-from-your-1-1s-8f71... , it has a few things from the playbook link as well. I have a more elaborate version I'd give to my direct reports. 1:1s are great if you do them well.

user5994461 6y ago
Advice not to write a formal document. Nobody reads the attached doc before joining a meeting. That's a good way to open awkward meetings, mentioning the document, that every single participant know they haven't read. Casually mention the challenge you were having during the one and one and open the discussion. Then only if the manager nods it's an issue and it's affecting your teams/customers and there is nobody working on it and it's not against roadmap or political plans... only then you can consider it for a future project.

nahname 6y ago

If there is nothing to discuss, reduce the cadence. It is the employees meeting, not the managers. If the manager is powerless to address the issues or clarify them, then that is a failing of the manager. It's 30mins once a week or an hour every two. For an IC, this may be one of your only meetings.

nogabebop23 6y ago
I find weekly is too frequent for all but brand new junior hires. I do insist on at a minimum monthly frequency. I schedule 30 minutes but budget 60 so I never cut them off.
- ashtonkem 6y ago
  I go with 30m a week, unless requested otherwise by the direct. It’s dependent a bit on personality types.

driverdan 6y ago

> The person you are speaking to is pretty much powerless should you need something to change Only if your company is terrible. Anyone in the company should be able to recommend a change. If it makes sense it should happen. Full stop. If there's something in your company that prevents change from the bottom up it's very poorly run. I say this having been a regular employee, manager, and founder.

eatbitseveryday 6y ago
>> The person you are speaking to is pretty much powerless should you need something to change > Only if your company is terrible. Anyone in the company should be able to recommend a change. If it makes sense it should happen. Full stop. On the whole this makes sense but in my experience at large companies this isn’t how it always works. Often politics get in the way, or priorities limit the actions available. Also depends on the suggestion itself. I’ve had difficulties getting my suggestions heard.
- nogabebop23 6y ago
  even small-mid companies (< 500) have this problem. Of the 3 complaints the GP stated, it's the only one the manager can't fix easily

peterwwillis 6y ago

> - Its awkward because you often have little or nothing to discuss. This might mean your manager was not empathizing, actively listening, showing concern for you as a person. If they did that, you could spend an hour talking about all sorts of things, because you would enjoy talking to each other. Then you pair it down to the two important things: 1) how you are feeling (as a person/employee/citizen/etc), 2) are there any problems or frustrations you would like to discuss. > - The person you are speaking to is pretty much powerless should you need something to change That might be true, might not be true. The manager's job is to fight for you and defend you. Even if they have no power. They should at least be giving you the illusion that there is something still to be done; and if not, helping you understand the bigger picture, minimizing the bad, and emphasizing the good. > - Its yet another meeting you have to attend True enough. But if the above is done, it's a meeting you might actually enjoy, if only for an opportunity to vent, or share what you're working on that you enjoy.

karatestomp 6y ago

One of the things no-one may tell you in 1:1s: they find them awkward, annoying, and low value. Especially if they're very frequent and the duration is fixed.

nogabebop23 6y ago

These are all valid complaints and they do happen. 1:1s are really awkward to kick off - I find it takes up to 6 months of regular 1:1s before they feel natural. They are massive relationship accelerators though. I also push for them not to be a meeting - we go for coffee or taking a 30min walk is very popular. Then it's like an extra, management-approved break!

ashtonkem 6y ago
Walking 1x1s are the best. Not making eye contact by looking towards where we’re headed towards tends to help shy directs.

ashtonkem 6y ago

While I’m going out on a limb here, I suspect that you haven’t worked with good companies and/or managers. While they’re hard to get started, and every manager/managee pair needs to develop their own style, they’ve been an invaluable tool for me both as a manager and as a managee.