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Congratulations on your new startup! My third daughter is now two and a half weeks old. I think that the biggest step for you will be to come to terms with the

by pedoh 16y ago

Congratulations on your new startup! My third daughter is now two and a half weeks old. I think that the biggest step for you will be to come to terms with the fact that nothing will ever be the same. And I say that, knowing that you won't fully grasp that until the first time you see your child. And then you'll relearn that with any subsequent children! For me, the first time I've held each of my children, I've been completely floored and awed and instantly in love. All of a sudden, here is a person on earth that I would die for. It's amazing. You and your wife are about to be very tired. Your son will need to be fed, changed, and burped ... and sometimes it will seem like there's no break in between! I think establishing very regular patterns is a good thing for everyone. Same time to bed, same time to get up, et cetera. It will take tweaking and modification as time goes on, but talk to your wife on a regular basis about how the patterns are working or not working, adjust, and keep on going. For us right now, the pattern is that she goes to bed earlier and I stay up with the baby, letting her get some solid sleep until the baby needs to be fed again. We're still tweaking the parameters, and we've been so fortunate to have my wife's mother staying with us, and she's a huge help, so once she's left, it will be another adjustment. I suggest using a cosleeper. Having the baby sleep with you in the bed may very well mean that you don't sleep as well because you'll be paranoid that you'll roll over onto the baby. Or worse, you'll roll over onto the baby! A cosleeper puts the baby conveniently close. Crying is okay. Let him cry a little bit. The natural instinct is to immediately feed / change / console. If you are solving his problems a microsecond after he announces there's a problem, then he'll expect that every time. If he's allowed to cry a little here and there, he'll understand that mom and dad will still take care of him. It will ease the transition to the day when he's sleeping in a crib, not in the same room (also highly recommended). Take ALL advice with a grain of salt. What works for me won't necessarily work for you. Be ready to try different approaches. Note that this may be in direct conflict with establishing regular patterns! Best wishes to you and your wife, and if you have any questions you want to run by a new dad (before or after your son is born), please feel free to reach out, my email is in my profile.

tnorthcutt 16y ago
Thanks for all the advice! I'm already in awe and completely in love, and he's not even outside the womb yet. I can hardly imagine what it'll be like when he is. Good points on getting into routines/patterns, we'll definitely work on that. What led you to choose cosleeping? How long have you done that for? My impression is that it's something that's somewhat controversial (some people think it's great, others think it's terrible), but it also seems like a lot of parenting is that way. Congratulations on your third!
- pedoh 16y ago
  Yes, you'll get staunch supporters on all sides of every aspect of parenting. For us, we didn't want the kids in the bed with us to ensure their safety and our ability to sleep as much as possible, but still make it convenient to get her and feed her. I'm an advocate for getting them into their own room and crib as soon as possible, but when they're up every two hours, having them far away just hasn't made sense. The cosleeper is essentially a pack 'n play with the bottom raised up. With the first two kids, we just used a crib but had them next to the bed. The cosleeper means we don't have to get out of bed to do a feeding, although if she needs changing, we still have to get up, as the changing table is across the room. Another tip I'll pass along is not to insist in absolute quiet and darkness when the baby is sleeping. I think the sooner they get used to sleeping with normal house noises, the better. If they get too used to quiet and absolute darkness, then when you need to get them to sleep in a different environment, it'll be tough. Oh, and travelling when they're really young is easier than you'd think. It's when they want to be mobile that it gets harder. But when they're really tiny, they're just going to sleep anyway!
  - tnorthcutt 16y ago
    Ahh, I thought a cosleeper was something to have them actually in the bed with you. That makes sense - we're getting a pack 'n play that includes a raised bassinet and plan to have him sleep in that next to our bed at first, to avoid having to get up in order to feed him as you mentioned. I've often thought the same thing w/regard to noise and light when sleeping - good to hear confirmation of that. Any guess as to how long we should expect to wait before taking a ~5 hour trip and being gone 3-5 days? What you said regarding sleeping while traveling makes sense, but I'm guessing you don't want to travel too early.
    - pedoh 16y ago
      It's going to vary so much from child to child. This is your first, so you've got a lot to get used to. I think you don't want to travel too early. Sleep is going to be at a premium. Establish your rhythms. Give it six weeks or two months and see what your bodies are telling you. On the other hand, if you have an ailing grandparent who cannot come and see you ... go. I am so glad that my two older children got to meet their paternal grandmother before she passed away. Circumstances will sometimes drive you the way you need to go. Oh, and we haven't talked about cloth vs. disposables, either, right? I had never changed a diaper before our first, and yet I changed all of her diapers in the hospital, and then we used cloth diapers once the umbilical cord had dropped off. I never would have guessed I'd ever be rinsing off cloth diapers in the toilet ... it's another area where I'm sure you can find data about the environmental effects on either side of the fence. One thing I'm convinced of, though, is that when it came time to potty train, the cloth diapers helped, because they don't do as "good" a job at keeping liquid away from the body, so there was a desire on our kids' part to potty train sooner rather than later.
mildavw 16y ago
Having the baby sleep with you in the bed may very well mean that you don't sleep as well because you'll be paranoid that you'll roll over onto the baby. Or worse, you'll roll over onto the baby! I sleep with my kids and enjoy the bonding benefit as well as others (like I know instantly when one is developing a fever). Regarding the arguments/justifications above, consider this: Sleeping in a bed may very well mean that you don't sleep as well because you'll be paranoid that you'll roll off onto the floor. Or worse, you'll roll over onto the floor! Unless you regularly fall out of bed, are so obese you can't track what all that skin is touching, or have some serious sleep disorder, you're not going to crush your kid.
- pedoh 16y ago
  Hah, I like the floor analogy. I can also attest to sleeping with the baby on my chest without crushing her, despite our decision to not have her in the bed with us. As you can see, there are lots of different opinions, and they're all held by smart, rational people, so the bottom line is that do what works for you, and anyone who complains about your way of doing it can go fly a kite!
  - mildavw 16y ago
    Amen. Agree 100%. (But I couldn't help busting you on the "you're going to crush your kid!!!" line!) Parents who consider these choices carefully are modeling decision-making skills that will be passed along and benefit their kids much more than the actual result of the decisions.
igrekel 16y ago
Personally we had a crib that was just next to the bed. It made it possible to get the baby out of or back in the crib without having to stand up. Very useful. Now the controversial bit: she would be the one to wake up and take care of the baby at night, I would just sleep. We found its better not to share the night time tasks otherwise everyone is tired and in a bad mood when day comes. In out case I would at least had a good night of sleep and I would take care of the house chores or whatever so that she can nap. By the way, if the baby is sleeping, try to get some sleep too, you don't know when it will happen again.

by pedoh 16y ago

tnorthcutt 16y ago

Thanks for all the advice! I'm already in awe and completely in love, and he's not even outside the womb yet. I can hardly imagine what it'll be like when he is. Good points on getting into routines/patterns, we'll definitely work on that. What led you to choose cosleeping? How long have you done that for? My impression is that it's something that's somewhat controversial (some people think it's great, others think it's terrible), but it also seems like a lot of parenting is that way. Congratulations on your third!

pedoh 16y ago
Yes, you'll get staunch supporters on all sides of every aspect of parenting. For us, we didn't want the kids in the bed with us to ensure their safety and our ability to sleep as much as possible, but still make it convenient to get her and feed her. I'm an advocate for getting them into their own room and crib as soon as possible, but when they're up every two hours, having them far away just hasn't made sense. The cosleeper is essentially a pack 'n play with the bottom raised up. With the first two kids, we just used a crib but had them next to the bed. The cosleeper means we don't have to get out of bed to do a feeding, although if she needs changing, we still have to get up, as the changing table is across the room. Another tip I'll pass along is not to insist in absolute quiet and darkness when the baby is sleeping. I think the sooner they get used to sleeping with normal house noises, the better. If they get too used to quiet and absolute darkness, then when you need to get them to sleep in a different environment, it'll be tough. Oh, and travelling when they're really young is easier than you'd think. It's when they want to be mobile that it gets harder. But when they're really tiny, they're just going to sleep anyway!
- tnorthcutt 16y ago
  Ahh, I thought a cosleeper was something to have them actually in the bed with you. That makes sense - we're getting a pack 'n play that includes a raised bassinet and plan to have him sleep in that next to our bed at first, to avoid having to get up in order to feed him as you mentioned. I've often thought the same thing w/regard to noise and light when sleeping - good to hear confirmation of that. Any guess as to how long we should expect to wait before taking a ~5 hour trip and being gone 3-5 days? What you said regarding sleeping while traveling makes sense, but I'm guessing you don't want to travel too early.
  - pedoh 16y ago
    It's going to vary so much from child to child. This is your first, so you've got a lot to get used to. I think you don't want to travel too early. Sleep is going to be at a premium. Establish your rhythms. Give it six weeks or two months and see what your bodies are telling you. On the other hand, if you have an ailing grandparent who cannot come and see you ... go. I am so glad that my two older children got to meet their paternal grandmother before she passed away. Circumstances will sometimes drive you the way you need to go. Oh, and we haven't talked about cloth vs. disposables, either, right? I had never changed a diaper before our first, and yet I changed all of her diapers in the hospital, and then we used cloth diapers once the umbilical cord had dropped off. I never would have guessed I'd ever be rinsing off cloth diapers in the toilet ... it's another area where I'm sure you can find data about the environmental effects on either side of the fence. One thing I'm convinced of, though, is that when it came time to potty train, the cloth diapers helped, because they don't do as "good" a job at keeping liquid away from the body, so there was a desire on our kids' part to potty train sooner rather than later.

mildavw 16y ago

Having the baby sleep with you in the bed may very well mean that you don't sleep as well because you'll be paranoid that you'll roll over onto the baby. Or worse, you'll roll over onto the baby! I sleep with my kids and enjoy the bonding benefit as well as others (like I know instantly when one is developing a fever). Regarding the arguments/justifications above, consider this: Sleeping in a bed may very well mean that you don't sleep as well because you'll be paranoid that you'll roll off onto the floor. Or worse, you'll roll over onto the floor! Unless you regularly fall out of bed, are so obese you can't track what all that skin is touching, or have some serious sleep disorder, you're not going to crush your kid.

pedoh 16y ago
Hah, I like the floor analogy. I can also attest to sleeping with the baby on my chest without crushing her, despite our decision to not have her in the bed with us. As you can see, there are lots of different opinions, and they're all held by smart, rational people, so the bottom line is that do what works for you, and anyone who complains about your way of doing it can go fly a kite!
- mildavw 16y ago
  Amen. Agree 100%. (But I couldn't help busting you on the "you're going to crush your kid!!!" line!) Parents who consider these choices carefully are modeling decision-making skills that will be passed along and benefit their kids much more than the actual result of the decisions.

igrekel 16y ago

Personally we had a crib that was just next to the bed. It made it possible to get the baby out of or back in the crib without having to stand up. Very useful. Now the controversial bit: she would be the one to wake up and take care of the baby at night, I would just sleep. We found its better not to share the night time tasks otherwise everyone is tired and in a bad mood when day comes. In out case I would at least had a good night of sleep and I would take care of the house chores or whatever so that she can nap. By the way, if the baby is sleeping, try to get some sleep too, you don't know when it will happen again.