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Wow. Thank you so much for this. I've struggled with the exact same things and have found the moments when men show me the kindness and respect that I, previous

Wow. Thank you so much for this. I've struggled with the exact same things and have found the moments when men show me the kindness and respect that I, previous to the rape, had just expected of myself and everyone, are the most healing ones. You can't always afford to wait for those though. And I appreciate you sharing your experience on how to heal when no one else is around.

DoreenMichele 7y ago
Thank you for commenting. I've struggled with the exact same things and have found the moments when men show me the kindness and respect that I, previous to the rape, had just expected of myself and everyone, are the most healing ones. I wanted to pull this out and emphasize it. This is a mostly male forum and decent men often feel helpless and like there isn't anything they can do to counterbalance the atrocities done by other men. Humans generally tend to feel like "nuke it from orbit" is the only useful response to really bad things and if they can't do something akin to that, they feel they aren't making any difference at all. But just being kind and respectful and decent to someone stressed out who doesn't trust you because you are male or white or rich or whatever and someone like you burned them really badly at one time is the most powerful thing you can do to help them heal, help them put down their baggage and foster a more civil world in which atrocities are less likely to be the norm. We currently have things like the #MeToo movement, so there is currently a lot of visibility for the fact that a lot of men behave really badly towards women and it's actually pretty problematic because decent guys are scared to be kind for fear of being accused of being a rapist or something. So I wanted to emphasize that I'm not the only woman who was raped who feels like the best thing a man can do is just be kind and respectful and decent to me and act like "that's normal" and not anything special. And maybe that will empower some of the men here to feel like they are making a meaningful difference to just be decent and that's it. No war paint or chest beating or grand standing or the like required.
- WarOnPrivacy 7y ago
  > Humans generally tend to feel like "nuke it from orbit" is the only useful response to really bad things and if they can't do something akin to that, they feel they aren't making any difference at all. This is a massively useful observation.

DoreenMichele 7y ago

Thank you for commenting. I've struggled with the exact same things and have found the moments when men show me the kindness and respect that I, previous to the rape, had just expected of myself and everyone, are the most healing ones. I wanted to pull this out and emphasize it. This is a mostly male forum and decent men often feel helpless and like there isn't anything they can do to counterbalance the atrocities done by other men. Humans generally tend to feel like "nuke it from orbit" is the only useful response to really bad things and if they can't do something akin to that, they feel they aren't making any difference at all. But just being kind and respectful and decent to someone stressed out who doesn't trust you because you are male or white or rich or whatever and someone like you burned them really badly at one time is the most powerful thing you can do to help them heal, help them put down their baggage and foster a more civil world in which atrocities are less likely to be the norm. We currently have things like the #MeToo movement, so there is currently a lot of visibility for the fact that a lot of men behave really badly towards women and it's actually pretty problematic because decent guys are scared to be kind for fear of being accused of being a rapist or something. So I wanted to emphasize that I'm not the only woman who was raped who feels like the best thing a man can do is just be kind and respectful and decent to me and act like "that's normal" and not anything special. And maybe that will empower some of the men here to feel like they are making a meaningful difference to just be decent and that's it. No war paint or chest beating or grand standing or the like required.

WarOnPrivacy 7y ago
> Humans generally tend to feel like "nuke it from orbit" is the only useful response to really bad things and if they can't do something akin to that, they feel they aren't making any difference at all. This is a massively useful observation.