I am a person who was physically and emotionally abused by peers as a child, who had a horrible, life changing experience on a psychedelic as a minor, and who h

I am a person who was physically and emotionally abused by peers as a child, who had a horrible, life changing experience on a psychedelic as a minor, and who has tinnitus and hyperacusis as a result of overexposure before 20. I am now decades older and my life turned out horribly. I have many of the symptoms of PTSD, so it’s reasonable to self diagnose as such. I’m self destructive and suicidal, in constant mental torment, alone and bitter. I’ve often thought that my life outcome was the result of bad luck, and sensitive genes. Then, at times, I figured this was the result of bad choices. It’s probably a combination of the above. Genetics, environment, luck, and poor decisions all factored into my experiences and how they’ve formed my resultant life. To ‘tough it out’ is perhaps a great filter for those who are actually tough enough to do so, but some aren’t equipped for this. I’ve often seen my life outcome as indicative of a fundamental weakness in my genes, and there’s truth to this. Others went through similar circumstances and didn’t develop horrible tinnitus nor have a bad reaction to drugs, or childhood abuse. From an evolutionary standpoint, that I haven’t procreated is a success for the species. I will die off alone and the species will be stronger for it. Perhaps in old times this was done more silently.