I feel the same way. But then it is kind of crazy to me that I am the result of a biological process that's millions of years old, and the untold suffering of t

I feel the same way. But then it is kind of crazy to me that I am the result of a biological process that's millions of years old, and the untold suffering of that process no doubt dwarfs my own. My immediate circumstances are similar to yours, I've made two attempts on my life, the most recent one being three weeks ago after being isolated in lockdown for a month. A&E were called and the paramedics were in full hazmat, I felt guilty for wasting their time and resources. I don't really know if I will survive this to be honest, I know that despite the loneliness and suffering there are things that really make my life worthwhile, but then at the same time other thoughts will interrupt and tell me to end it. Modern life can be really lonely, and sometimes it's hard to look around and see all the successful and beautiful people together while you are left alone, but we also have more freedom than our ancestors, more that we can do, we can travel the world if we choose to, there are things to live for it's just that sometimes it's hard to see clearly. Sorry if this is a bit incoherent... I hope this helps and maybe things will improve for you