4 ms·

It's true by definition (of "your life" as the time during which you can at all experience things). In that sense it doesn't matter how profound and magical you

It's true by definition (of "your life" as the time during which you can at all experience things). In that sense it doesn't matter how profound and magical your life has been or will be; it's still the most profound and magical thing you'll ever experience.

throwaway_pdp09 7y ago
There have been large parts of my life where I would have been better off dead. I didn't choose suicide at those times, and I've always wondered if I made the right decision not to. Life these days is... tolerable. There is nothing 'magical' about a daily grind of loneliness and (until recently) nearly two decades of pain and isolation caused by mental illness caused by two people who should never have been allowed to breed. I know this isn't really good form under HN rules, but: fuck you.
- deleted 7y ago
  [deleted]
- throaway_pdp11 7y ago
  I feel the same way. But then it is kind of crazy to me that I am the result of a biological process that's millions of years old, and the untold suffering of that process no doubt dwarfs my own. My immediate circumstances are similar to yours, I've made two attempts on my life, the most recent one being three weeks ago after being isolated in lockdown for a month. A&E were called and the paramedics were in full hazmat, I felt guilty for wasting their time and resources. I don't really know if I will survive this to be honest, I know that despite the loneliness and suffering there are things that really make my life worthwhile, but then at the same time other thoughts will interrupt and tell me to end it. Modern life can be really lonely, and sometimes it's hard to look around and see all the successful and beautiful people together while you are left alone, but we also have more freedom than our ancestors, more that we can do, we can travel the world if we choose to, there are things to live for it's just that sometimes it's hard to see clearly. Sorry if this is a bit incoherent... I hope this helps and maybe things will improve for you
  - throwaway_pdp09 7y ago
    Yeah, my head has been fixing itself recently after about 3 really nasty years (on top of all else) and now this... I can feel my mind starting to fray again. I don't like it either. I can cope for now but I can't suggest anything to help you. Truth is I never can because each person's mental situation is different. I'm sorry. I do wish you luck. I wish I could do more.
    - throaway_pdp11 7y ago
      You too, take care

throwaway_pdp09 7y ago

There have been large parts of my life where I would have been better off dead. I didn't choose suicide at those times, and I've always wondered if I made the right decision not to. Life these days is... tolerable. There is nothing 'magical' about a daily grind of loneliness and (until recently) nearly two decades of pain and isolation caused by mental illness caused by two people who should never have been allowed to breed. I know this isn't really good form under HN rules, but: fuck you.

deleted 7y ago
[deleted]
throaway_pdp11 7y ago
I feel the same way. But then it is kind of crazy to me that I am the result of a biological process that's millions of years old, and the untold suffering of that process no doubt dwarfs my own. My immediate circumstances are similar to yours, I've made two attempts on my life, the most recent one being three weeks ago after being isolated in lockdown for a month. A&E were called and the paramedics were in full hazmat, I felt guilty for wasting their time and resources. I don't really know if I will survive this to be honest, I know that despite the loneliness and suffering there are things that really make my life worthwhile, but then at the same time other thoughts will interrupt and tell me to end it. Modern life can be really lonely, and sometimes it's hard to look around and see all the successful and beautiful people together while you are left alone, but we also have more freedom than our ancestors, more that we can do, we can travel the world if we choose to, there are things to live for it's just that sometimes it's hard to see clearly. Sorry if this is a bit incoherent... I hope this helps and maybe things will improve for you
- throwaway_pdp09 7y ago
  Yeah, my head has been fixing itself recently after about 3 really nasty years (on top of all else) and now this... I can feel my mind starting to fray again. I don't like it either. I can cope for now but I can't suggest anything to help you. Truth is I never can because each person's mental situation is different. I'm sorry. I do wish you luck. I wish I could do more.
  - throaway_pdp11 7y ago
    You too, take care