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I found his essay on kids [0] a lot more insightful than this collection of short tweets. In particular, he admits that having kids may actually make you less

I found his essay on kids [0] a lot more insightful than this collection of short tweets. In particular, he admits that having kids may actually make you less ambitious The fact is, once you have kids, you're probably going to care more about them than you do about yourself. And attention is a zero-sum game. I've noticed this in myself. As usual though, he has a hack for this as well: I have some hacks for sailing close to this wind. For example, when I write essays, I think about what I'd want my kids to know. That drives me to get things right. And when I was writing Bel, I told my kids that once I finished it I'd take them to Africa. When you say that sort of thing to a little kid, they treat it as a promise. Which meant I had to finish or I'd be taking away their trip to Africa. Maybe if I'm really lucky such tricks could put me net ahead. But the wind is there, no question. [0] http://paulgraham.com/kids.html http://paulgraham.com/kids.html

eanzenberg 6y ago
I guess it depends were you are in life. I’ve noticed since having kids that working and succeeding takes on a whole other meaningful level. Before, ambition was tied to abstract things I didn’t quite care too much about, i.e. money. Now, being my best self is the greatest teaching tool for our kids as they look to us as role models.
toasterlovin 6y ago
I agree, though I’ll add that my perspective has become much, much longer. I am laying plans for 20-40 years from now and continuously attend to their fruition. I don’t think that would have been possible without kids and, in light of the compounding nature of life (and capital), it feels like a super power.
- dannykwells 6y ago
  I really like this point, and 100% agree having had a wee one recently. I've found I'm more discerning about opportunities, not jumping headlong into any new thing. If anything having a kid has helped me focus, by cutting out a lot of extraneous noise in other parts of life.
georgewsinger 6y ago
I was impressed when PG admitted this. Empirically, people with kids almost never achieve outlier levels of success (since attention is a zero sum game, and kids force your risk appetite to be lower [1]). But this is an extremely politically incorrect thing to admit, and people seem to be in denial about it. For the record I plan to have kids (because kids are awesome), but want to push it off as far as humanly possible. It's basically a sign that you've retired/don't have anything that important left to contribute other than steady-state levels of productivity. [1] I think having Fuck You Money is the best way to prevent kids from lowering your risk appetite. But attention is still a zero sum game (even with nannies helping to offload some of the work), so money won't save you entirely.
- icelancer 6y ago
  I have two kids and I've achieved a lot since having them, but Paul's root argument is absolutely correct. I've staved off a lot of the deterioration by investing tons of money into systems that make family life easier, rather than fight things like house cleaning services and such from a point of "efficiency." I have far fewer material things, a very basic house, and not very nice cars, but an equally important shift is your financial mindset on helping your family's stability today as well as into the future. Re-reading this, it doesn't make a lot of sense. Wish I could reword it, but it's how I feel, I guess. Maybe it'll help someone out there. Having kids is tough!
  - bitcoinmoney 6y ago
    Can you talk about all of the systems you employ to make your efficiency higher?
    - icelancer 6y ago
      I am by no means rich by Hacker News standards, and I live a very modest life in a modest home. The money I do have, I use on a personal assistant, housecleaning services, a nanny, and other things that allow me to be as productive as possible at work so when I'm at home, I can maximize family time with the kids and my partner. I very much believe in the ego depletion theory (though I know, it's not been reproduced) - the more choices I have to make in a sub-arena, the more fatigued I get, and the lower self-control I have. I've just admitted to myself that I am poor at time management, so I've outsourced a lot of things to my personal assistant (whom I would never hire in the past given my income bracket). We have a housecleaner service despite the fact that I'm perfectly capable of cleaning the house, but in doing so I just pile up more tasks that I really don't want to do. I've had these discussions with other people in my income bracket who say they can't afford to get help around the house, but they drive Teslas, have super nice clothes, buy expensive TVs / electronics, eat out a lot, go on posh vacations... it's about what you prioritize your money towards. I spend a huge amount of my money on my family and their needs, and I want for very little in my personal life. I see it this way: I'm an entrepreneur, getting to do my thing. That's enough for me. I don't need nice stuff or to go to foreign lands; all the clothes I wear are free from vendors or cheaply purchased at Old Navy / Goodwill / etc. My family emotionally supports my self-employment, which is more than anyone can ask for in this life. They deserve everything else.

eanzenberg 6y ago

I guess it depends were you are in life. I’ve noticed since having kids that working and succeeding takes on a whole other meaningful level. Before, ambition was tied to abstract things I didn’t quite care too much about, i.e. money. Now, being my best self is the greatest teaching tool for our kids as they look to us as role models.

toasterlovin 6y ago

I agree, though I’ll add that my perspective has become much, much longer. I am laying plans for 20-40 years from now and continuously attend to their fruition. I don’t think that would have been possible without kids and, in light of the compounding nature of life (and capital), it feels like a super power.

dannykwells 6y ago
I really like this point, and 100% agree having had a wee one recently. I've found I'm more discerning about opportunities, not jumping headlong into any new thing. If anything having a kid has helped me focus, by cutting out a lot of extraneous noise in other parts of life.

georgewsinger 6y ago

I was impressed when PG admitted this. Empirically, people with kids almost never achieve outlier levels of success (since attention is a zero sum game, and kids force your risk appetite to be lower [1]). But this is an extremely politically incorrect thing to admit, and people seem to be in denial about it. For the record I plan to have kids (because kids are awesome), but want to push it off as far as humanly possible. It's basically a sign that you've retired/don't have anything that important left to contribute other than steady-state levels of productivity. [1] I think having Fuck You Money is the best way to prevent kids from lowering your risk appetite. But attention is still a zero sum game (even with nannies helping to offload some of the work), so money won't save you entirely.

icelancer 6y ago
I have two kids and I've achieved a lot since having them, but Paul's root argument is absolutely correct. I've staved off a lot of the deterioration by investing tons of money into systems that make family life easier, rather than fight things like house cleaning services and such from a point of "efficiency." I have far fewer material things, a very basic house, and not very nice cars, but an equally important shift is your financial mindset on helping your family's stability today as well as into the future. Re-reading this, it doesn't make a lot of sense. Wish I could reword it, but it's how I feel, I guess. Maybe it'll help someone out there. Having kids is tough!
- bitcoinmoney 6y ago
  Can you talk about all of the systems you employ to make your efficiency higher?
  - icelancer 6y ago
    I am by no means rich by Hacker News standards, and I live a very modest life in a modest home. The money I do have, I use on a personal assistant, housecleaning services, a nanny, and other things that allow me to be as productive as possible at work so when I'm at home, I can maximize family time with the kids and my partner. I very much believe in the ego depletion theory (though I know, it's not been reproduced) - the more choices I have to make in a sub-arena, the more fatigued I get, and the lower self-control I have. I've just admitted to myself that I am poor at time management, so I've outsourced a lot of things to my personal assistant (whom I would never hire in the past given my income bracket). We have a housecleaner service despite the fact that I'm perfectly capable of cleaning the house, but in doing so I just pile up more tasks that I really don't want to do. I've had these discussions with other people in my income bracket who say they can't afford to get help around the house, but they drive Teslas, have super nice clothes, buy expensive TVs / electronics, eat out a lot, go on posh vacations... it's about what you prioritize your money towards. I spend a huge amount of my money on my family and their needs, and I want for very little in my personal life. I see it this way: I'm an entrepreneur, getting to do my thing. That's enough for me. I don't need nice stuff or to go to foreign lands; all the clothes I wear are free from vendors or cheaply purchased at Old Navy / Goodwill / etc. My family emotionally supports my self-employment, which is more than anyone can ask for in this life. They deserve everything else.