5 ms·

Why did you have kids if you hate being with them...?

im3w1l 6y ago
Too much of a good thing?
mschuster91 6y ago
Probably 'cause they're high energy kids who normally can let go of said energy on playgrounds, in kindergarten or at school, while now they're stuck in a home too small with no way to let out their energy, while their parents both still have to work from home and have no time / energy to do both work and childcare. At the same time, parents can't let go of their own frustration because no sport, driving around, or any other way of having time to cool down thanks to lockdowns. Self isolation is pretty easy if you're single or with a partner with no kids, in an adequately sized home where there is enough space not to feel cramped, and with a garden. If one or more of these things is lacking, it gets ever harder and harder the longer the lockdowns are in place.
- alttab 6y ago
  This. Single folks without children have no gauge on reality during a lockdown, especially if they still have jobs and are working from home.
  - lazylizard 6y ago
    I chose not to get married and have kids. I like being alone. I dont want anything to do with kids. As far as I'm concerned you picked your bargain, i picked mine. I do not expect any sympathy when i die alone either.
    - steve_adams_86 6y ago
      Why can't imperfection of choice or opportunity warrant sympathy? Life is difficult for a multitude of reasons. I don't expect anyone to get everything right, and I sympathize with everyone's occasional want for more or regret or loss, whatever it might be.
    - op00to 6y ago
      Someone had you. You don’t have to take it out on everyone else.
TeMPOraL 6y ago
It's not like you can return a kid and ask for refund after you discover parenthood isn't like you thought it would be (it never is), or when life conditions change and what worked when everyone spent most of their days apart from each other doesn't work when everyone is stuck together in the same cramped space 24/7.
aga98mtl 6y ago
A generation or two ago, people just ignored their children. They told them to go play outside until the sun come down. Now expectations have changed. These expectations make it impossible to have a decent amount of "alone" time during this quarantine. This renders many people unhappy. We love our children, but we can't handle having them with us 100% of the time. This has never been "normal".
- TeMPOraL 6y ago
  Not to mention, if you expected to be with your spouse and kids 24/7 under the same roof for extended periods of time, you'd probably buy a larger apartment. Or perhaps a home with a garden. Even if it would cost significantly more than your current one. Much like global supply chains, our decisions are optimized quite tightly to our individual lifestyles; what worked well in normal times suddenly doesn't when lifestyles are forced to change.
  - silveroriole 6y ago
    I think this gives the real answer to my question, which is that other people don’t plan for the worst case in the way I do. I wouldn’t have children unless I was absolutely sure I could deal with them, because the worst case is so awful (you can’t really get rid of them once you have them). I did factor in things like “is this house big enough if I need to avoid my partner for long periods of time?” into my buying decision. And so on. It didn’t really occur to me that people would make very large life decisions like where to live or whether to have children based on things continuing to be ‘normal’.
    - dan-robertson 6y ago
      If one reads this comment literally, it looks as if you are completely oblivious to the constraints and realities of other people’s lives. I’m sure your real attitude isn’t so extreme (though if it is then I guess I should congratulate on being so prescient and good at planning). For the record: - lots of people make decisions they later regret. Sometimes they make these based on assumptions that later turn out to be incorrect, sometimes on incomplete information, sometimes based on stress or strong emotion, sometimes in line with advice, and sometimes against advice. Sometimes the effects are small, sometimes they are large, sometimes they ought not be regretted. - some people have children without planning to beforehand (for various reasons) - most people can’t take extreme worst case scenarios into account when making big life decisions (eg “If I become unemployed or unable to work in 5 years I wouldn’t be able to afford any mortgage therefore I shouldn’t buy a house”) - some people are constrained by other factors (eg “I’d like to have more space but I can’t afford a larger house which is sufficiently close to my work”) - It’s reasonably natural for people to want to have children and sometimes they this even if they know it will be hard.
stank345 6y ago
Being in quarantine with your kids is very different from being with your kids under normal circumstances. My 5 year old is going stir crazy and we can't really go places. My wife is on maternity leave with our 3 month old, which is already hard. Meanwhile I'm trying to work and help out with the kids as much as I can, cook, do laundry, while trying to stay sane. We're hanging on by a thread.
op00to 6y ago
Who said hate? Not me. Troll.

Too much of a good thing?

Probably 'cause they're high energy kids who normally can let go of said energy on playgrounds, in kindergarten or at school, while now they're stuck in a home too small with no way to let out their energy, while their parents both still have to work from home and have no time / energy to do both work and childcare. At the same time, parents can't let go of their own frustration because no sport, driving around, or any other way of having time to cool down thanks to lockdowns. Self isolation is pretty easy if you're single or with a partner with no kids, in an adequately sized home where there is enough space not to feel cramped, and with a garden. If one or more of these things is lacking, it gets ever harder and harder the longer the lockdowns are in place.

alttab 6y ago
This. Single folks without children have no gauge on reality during a lockdown, especially if they still have jobs and are working from home.
- lazylizard 6y ago
  I chose not to get married and have kids. I like being alone. I dont want anything to do with kids. As far as I'm concerned you picked your bargain, i picked mine. I do not expect any sympathy when i die alone either.
  - steve_adams_86 6y ago
    Why can't imperfection of choice or opportunity warrant sympathy? Life is difficult for a multitude of reasons. I don't expect anyone to get everything right, and I sympathize with everyone's occasional want for more or regret or loss, whatever it might be.
  - op00to 6y ago
    Someone had you. You don’t have to take it out on everyone else.

TeMPOraL 6y ago

It's not like you can return a kid and ask for refund after you discover parenthood isn't like you thought it would be (it never is), or when life conditions change and what worked when everyone spent most of their days apart from each other doesn't work when everyone is stuck together in the same cramped space 24/7.

aga98mtl 6y ago

A generation or two ago, people just ignored their children. They told them to go play outside until the sun come down. Now expectations have changed. These expectations make it impossible to have a decent amount of "alone" time during this quarantine. This renders many people unhappy. We love our children, but we can't handle having them with us 100% of the time. This has never been "normal".

TeMPOraL 6y ago
Not to mention, if you expected to be with your spouse and kids 24/7 under the same roof for extended periods of time, you'd probably buy a larger apartment. Or perhaps a home with a garden. Even if it would cost significantly more than your current one. Much like global supply chains, our decisions are optimized quite tightly to our individual lifestyles; what worked well in normal times suddenly doesn't when lifestyles are forced to change.
- silveroriole 6y ago
  I think this gives the real answer to my question, which is that other people don’t plan for the worst case in the way I do. I wouldn’t have children unless I was absolutely sure I could deal with them, because the worst case is so awful (you can’t really get rid of them once you have them). I did factor in things like “is this house big enough if I need to avoid my partner for long periods of time?” into my buying decision. And so on. It didn’t really occur to me that people would make very large life decisions like where to live or whether to have children based on things continuing to be ‘normal’.
  - dan-robertson 6y ago
    If one reads this comment literally, it looks as if you are completely oblivious to the constraints and realities of other people’s lives. I’m sure your real attitude isn’t so extreme (though if it is then I guess I should congratulate on being so prescient and good at planning). For the record: - lots of people make decisions they later regret. Sometimes they make these based on assumptions that later turn out to be incorrect, sometimes on incomplete information, sometimes based on stress or strong emotion, sometimes in line with advice, and sometimes against advice. Sometimes the effects are small, sometimes they are large, sometimes they ought not be regretted. - some people have children without planning to beforehand (for various reasons) - most people can’t take extreme worst case scenarios into account when making big life decisions (eg “If I become unemployed or unable to work in 5 years I wouldn’t be able to afford any mortgage therefore I shouldn’t buy a house”) - some people are constrained by other factors (eg “I’d like to have more space but I can’t afford a larger house which is sufficiently close to my work”) - It’s reasonably natural for people to want to have children and sometimes they this even if they know it will be hard.

stank345 6y ago

Being in quarantine with your kids is very different from being with your kids under normal circumstances. My 5 year old is going stir crazy and we can't really go places. My wife is on maternity leave with our 3 month old, which is already hard. Meanwhile I'm trying to work and help out with the kids as much as I can, cook, do laundry, while trying to stay sane. We're hanging on by a thread.

op00to 6y ago

Who said hate? Not me. Troll.