8 ms·

Common templates to help you say “no”

140 points by patwalls 7y ago

gczh 7y ago
Love this! There were so many many times I wished I said No but I didn't know how to do it. The amount of pain and time wasted that came after were hundreds of hours. I'd imagine if I billed people for those hours, it would have been terribly expensive. Having templates like these would make it way easier for me to say No and avoid all of that now. Thanks Pat!!
tannerbrockwell 7y ago
Jony Ives relates how Steve Jobs asked him; "How many things have you said no to..." [1] [1]: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2oksetv3i90 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2oksetv3i90
leeronisrael 7y ago
Looks like "Import all 31 templates into Gmail" redirects to OP's business. Kudos. I think this type of technical, developer-led marketing is the future. Especially as traditional acquisition channels like Social and Search become more saturated and expensive, this type of work will stand out.
asplake 7y ago
On how to say no without actually saying no, see also Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It by former hostage negotiator Chris Voss. Thoroughly enjoyed the book, recommmended
draw_down 7y ago
You can say it. Believe in yourself. Just say it.
rcarmo 7y ago
This is great, but needs 31 more ways to say no to recruiters :)
- skrebbel 7y ago
  No thanks. Remove phone nr from signature and hit send
- dahart 7y ago
  Why reply?
- gouggoug 7y ago
  I try to answer recruiters even when I'm not interested. A simple: "Hi [so and so], thank you for reaching out to me. Unfortunately, I am not interested in this opportunity. Best of luck in your research". Simple, to the point, takes 3 seconds to copy/paste and help recruiters to move on to the next person. If I was a recruiter I think I'd rather receive a rejection email than no answer.
motohagiography 7y ago
When I have received variations on a number of these, I've just interpreted as, "it's a wall of text without the thing I want." The details are unnecessary. The more you talk/write, the less responsibility you are taking, which means the less value you have to offer, and the more vulnerable you are to leverage. Saying no "up," and saying no, "down," are very different things. Receiving a "no," from above or below are very different as well. Responding with an open ended question or a direct question are also the next moves. Down: "Thank you, this is not a priority for me/us, I will get in touch if that changes." Up: "Absolutely agree! In terms of priority, would you prefer it in this unacceptable state, this unacceptable timeframe, or for me to use this new unacceptable authority over these resources?"
deft 7y ago
Missing this one: (how to say no to a friend in need) "Hey! I’m so glad that you reached out. I’m actually at capacity/helping someone else who’s in crisis/dealing with some personal stuff right now, and I don’t think I can hold appropriate space for you. Could we connect [later date or time] instead/Do you have someone else you could reach out to?" https://twitter.com/fyeahmfabello/status/1196581296564256768 https://twitter.com/fyeahmfabello/status/1196581296564256768
lidHanteyk 7y ago
No, thanks. Additionally, I wish that you wouldn't do this, so please stop. Thank you!
seanwilson 7y ago
I think a good tip is that you don't have to explain all your reasons all the time e.g. it's okay to say you're too busy without having to justify what you're busy with.
daxterspeed 7y ago
I'm not a huge fan of template e-mails, if you're just gonna do an automatic response then make that obvious from the start. However I do see how these can be useful as a reference point, I especially like the templates/examples that have a little story behind them. Saying no "like a pro" isn't about the exact phrasing, but knowing that you can and often should say no.
- RMPR 7y ago
  Template emails are the worst yeah.
yhoiseth 7y ago
Sharing how to say no is the ultimate humblebrag.
jujodi 7y ago
These are great, good job. Not sure about the templates though, I got a kick reading these and agreed/disagreed some were useful ways of saying no in different contexts.
lolsal 7y ago
I find some of these disingenuous: > Unfortunately, I won’t be able to make it to [Event] on [date]. But thanks again for sending an invitation my way. That's not saying "No". That's giving an excuse as to why you can't make it. Better to say "No, I'm not interested" or something along those lines.
- pell 7y ago
  There's no excuse there. It's simply a polite way to decline an invitation.
  - inshadows 7y ago
    The excuse is that you'll not be able to make it. The implication for the reader is that if you were able to make it, you'd come. But you actually can make, you just don't want to come. It's pure excuse and lie.
  - throwawaypa123 7y ago
    One woman's politeness is another woman's dishonesty.
stickfigure 7y ago
IMO most of these are terrible. They're all far too long. Go ahead and explain yourself to friends and family members; random business contacts (especially cold calls) don't need three paragraphs of text explaining your policies around human interaction. "Sorry, not interested at this time" is almost always enough. If they write back asking "when", just ignore.
- commandlinefan 7y ago
  Yeah, the trick isn't saying "no", the trick is saying no without burning any bridges. Much harder.
  - stickfigure 7y ago
    A short 'no' doesn't burn bridges. A long-winded explanation full of half-truths might.
    - LikeAnElephant 7y ago
      You're fortunate to be able to simply say "No." without it being taken as curt or rude. That's not the case for me personally, and a lot of other people. In a perfect world, that should be all that needs to be said. In reality, people and emotions are complicated.
- stronglikedan 7y ago
  Even friends and family get the, "Sorry I can't. I already have plans." from me. They don't have to know my "plans" are to gorge myself on the couch by myself while binging television.
jameslk 7y ago
A lesson I learned from a sales friend of mine (often the hard way): if you really want to say no, don't give reasons why you're saying no. Just simply say "no, sorry" Once you start giving your reasoning, the other side can negotiate a compromise or attempt to persuade you into thinking your no is a bad idea. The more information you provide, the more they can use it against you. If you don't have time for that, just end it at no and say no more.
- jerf 7y ago
  You also have to watch for the attempt to extract a reason from you. Sometimes it'll be a bald "why not?" but sometimes it's more subtle like "Oh, spending more time with the family, huh?" trying to leave you socially obligated to affirm, deny, or correct it. I find a very neutral "mmmm" to be a pretty good disengagement; you clearly heard them, but it doesn't affirm, deny, correct, or really leave any opening for them to wedge into without crossing over the politeness line to the point that you can openly call them out if they keep pursuing it.
  - dredmorbius 7y ago
    I'm increasingly prone to "none of your f------ business", though usually only at the 2nd or subsequent query repeat. Prying is socially hostile and should be responded to as such. In certain cases of ongoing, and contentious, relationships, sooner.
- mds 7y ago
  I took a communication class many years ago and this was the main thing I took away from it. If you give a reason or an excuse the other person will try to help you "solve" it. If you give a simple "no, sorry" or "no, thanks" there's nothing for them to latch onto or argue with. Realize that the other person is free to ask anything they want, but just the act of them asking doesn't create any obligation on your part. Especially with people where you don't have a longstanding relationship, you don't owe anyone anything more than a polite no. The other piece I learned was this useful phrase to deploy when under severe pressure to give a reason and for whatever reason you can't just disengage or leave: "Sorry, I'm just not comfortable with that". No one can reasonably argue with that, and if they do, having already given your reason you can then simply fall back into a loop of "No, sorry."
bartread 7y ago
This is ridiculous: > Unfortunately, I’m not able to attend because of prior scheduling—but please keep me updated with action items I may be able to help with. Way to make yourself a doormat. I have literally never offered to take on action items from a meeting I don't plan to attend, even by implication as here, and I'm certainly not about to start now. Of course I'm happy to help people but they need to ask explicitly and specifically because, at the end of the day, we're all pretty busy.
- blast 7y ago
  To me it reads more as passive-aggressive, not a serious offer to "keep them updated" but a weasly way of saying "I would prefer not to". Same with "Unfortunately, I’m not able to attend because of prior scheduling".
deleted 7y ago
[deleted]
deleted 7y ago
[deleted]
igolden 7y ago
While this has some value - it just screams another product that was slapped together in a night for "product hunt" clout. Most of these examples aren't that great, and it could've been delivered as a blog post.
ricardobeat 7y ago
Are these curated? There are a few that seem quite smug (eg "deep work"). Be careful in what you choose.
lazyant 7y ago
what are "non-transactional meetings"? sounds like a pedantic way to say meetings that could be an email update.
antibland 7y ago
If anyone knows how to deftly bow out of a forced company outing, I'd love to know your method. Last time I tried to get out of one of these things, I informed one of the owners I had too much to do and needed to spend the day catching up on work. She was furious and told me I was "damaging the culture."
- brokenmachine 7y ago
  Sounds like a culture worthy of damage.

140 points by patwalls 7y ago

gczh 7y ago

Love this! There were so many many times I wished I said No but I didn't know how to do it. The amount of pain and time wasted that came after were hundreds of hours. I'd imagine if I billed people for those hours, it would have been terribly expensive. Having templates like these would make it way easier for me to say No and avoid all of that now. Thanks Pat!!

tannerbrockwell 7y ago

Jony Ives relates how Steve Jobs asked him; "How many things have you said no to..." [1] [1]: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2oksetv3i90 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2oksetv3i90

leeronisrael 7y ago

Looks like "Import all 31 templates into Gmail" redirects to OP's business. Kudos. I think this type of technical, developer-led marketing is the future. Especially as traditional acquisition channels like Social and Search become more saturated and expensive, this type of work will stand out.

asplake 7y ago

On how to say no without actually saying no, see also Never Split the Difference: Negotiating as if Your Life Depended on It by former hostage negotiator Chris Voss. Thoroughly enjoyed the book, recommmended

draw_down 7y ago

You can say it. Believe in yourself. Just say it.

rcarmo 7y ago

This is great, but needs 31 more ways to say no to recruiters :)

skrebbel 7y ago
No thanks. Remove phone nr from signature and hit send
dahart 7y ago
Why reply?
gouggoug 7y ago
I try to answer recruiters even when I'm not interested. A simple: "Hi [so and so], thank you for reaching out to me. Unfortunately, I am not interested in this opportunity. Best of luck in your research". Simple, to the point, takes 3 seconds to copy/paste and help recruiters to move on to the next person. If I was a recruiter I think I'd rather receive a rejection email than no answer.

motohagiography 7y ago

When I have received variations on a number of these, I've just interpreted as, "it's a wall of text without the thing I want." The details are unnecessary. The more you talk/write, the less responsibility you are taking, which means the less value you have to offer, and the more vulnerable you are to leverage. Saying no "up," and saying no, "down," are very different things. Receiving a "no," from above or below are very different as well. Responding with an open ended question or a direct question are also the next moves. Down: "Thank you, this is not a priority for me/us, I will get in touch if that changes." Up: "Absolutely agree! In terms of priority, would you prefer it in this unacceptable state, this unacceptable timeframe, or for me to use this new unacceptable authority over these resources?"

deft 7y ago

Missing this one: (how to say no to a friend in need) "Hey! I’m so glad that you reached out. I’m actually at capacity/helping someone else who’s in crisis/dealing with some personal stuff right now, and I don’t think I can hold appropriate space for you. Could we connect [later date or time] instead/Do you have someone else you could reach out to?" https://twitter.com/fyeahmfabello/status/1196581296564256768 https://twitter.com/fyeahmfabello/status/1196581296564256768

lidHanteyk 7y ago

No, thanks. Additionally, I wish that you wouldn't do this, so please stop. Thank you!

seanwilson 7y ago

I think a good tip is that you don't have to explain all your reasons all the time e.g. it's okay to say you're too busy without having to justify what you're busy with.

daxterspeed 7y ago

I'm not a huge fan of template e-mails, if you're just gonna do an automatic response then make that obvious from the start. However I do see how these can be useful as a reference point, I especially like the templates/examples that have a little story behind them. Saying no "like a pro" isn't about the exact phrasing, but knowing that you can and often should say no.

RMPR 7y ago
Template emails are the worst yeah.

yhoiseth 7y ago

Sharing how to say no is the ultimate humblebrag.

jujodi 7y ago

These are great, good job. Not sure about the templates though, I got a kick reading these and agreed/disagreed some were useful ways of saying no in different contexts.

lolsal 7y ago

I find some of these disingenuous: > Unfortunately, I won’t be able to make it to [Event] on [date]. But thanks again for sending an invitation my way. That's not saying "No". That's giving an excuse as to why you can't make it. Better to say "No, I'm not interested" or something along those lines.

pell 7y ago
There's no excuse there. It's simply a polite way to decline an invitation.
- inshadows 7y ago
  The excuse is that you'll not be able to make it. The implication for the reader is that if you were able to make it, you'd come. But you actually can make, you just don't want to come. It's pure excuse and lie.
- throwawaypa123 7y ago
  One woman's politeness is another woman's dishonesty.

stickfigure 7y ago

IMO most of these are terrible. They're all far too long. Go ahead and explain yourself to friends and family members; random business contacts (especially cold calls) don't need three paragraphs of text explaining your policies around human interaction. "Sorry, not interested at this time" is almost always enough. If they write back asking "when", just ignore.

commandlinefan 7y ago
Yeah, the trick isn't saying "no", the trick is saying no without burning any bridges. Much harder.
- stickfigure 7y ago
  A short 'no' doesn't burn bridges. A long-winded explanation full of half-truths might.
  - LikeAnElephant 7y ago
    You're fortunate to be able to simply say "No." without it being taken as curt or rude. That's not the case for me personally, and a lot of other people. In a perfect world, that should be all that needs to be said. In reality, people and emotions are complicated.
stronglikedan 7y ago
Even friends and family get the, "Sorry I can't. I already have plans." from me. They don't have to know my "plans" are to gorge myself on the couch by myself while binging television.

jameslk 7y ago

A lesson I learned from a sales friend of mine (often the hard way): if you really want to say no, don't give reasons why you're saying no. Just simply say "no, sorry" Once you start giving your reasoning, the other side can negotiate a compromise or attempt to persuade you into thinking your no is a bad idea. The more information you provide, the more they can use it against you. If you don't have time for that, just end it at no and say no more.

jerf 7y ago
You also have to watch for the attempt to extract a reason from you. Sometimes it'll be a bald "why not?" but sometimes it's more subtle like "Oh, spending more time with the family, huh?" trying to leave you socially obligated to affirm, deny, or correct it. I find a very neutral "mmmm" to be a pretty good disengagement; you clearly heard them, but it doesn't affirm, deny, correct, or really leave any opening for them to wedge into without crossing over the politeness line to the point that you can openly call them out if they keep pursuing it.
- dredmorbius 7y ago
  I'm increasingly prone to "none of your f------ business", though usually only at the 2nd or subsequent query repeat. Prying is socially hostile and should be responded to as such. In certain cases of ongoing, and contentious, relationships, sooner.
mds 7y ago
I took a communication class many years ago and this was the main thing I took away from it. If you give a reason or an excuse the other person will try to help you "solve" it. If you give a simple "no, sorry" or "no, thanks" there's nothing for them to latch onto or argue with. Realize that the other person is free to ask anything they want, but just the act of them asking doesn't create any obligation on your part. Especially with people where you don't have a longstanding relationship, you don't owe anyone anything more than a polite no. The other piece I learned was this useful phrase to deploy when under severe pressure to give a reason and for whatever reason you can't just disengage or leave: "Sorry, I'm just not comfortable with that". No one can reasonably argue with that, and if they do, having already given your reason you can then simply fall back into a loop of "No, sorry."

bartread 7y ago

This is ridiculous: > Unfortunately, I’m not able to attend because of prior scheduling—but please keep me updated with action items I may be able to help with. Way to make yourself a doormat. I have literally never offered to take on action items from a meeting I don't plan to attend, even by implication as here, and I'm certainly not about to start now. Of course I'm happy to help people but they need to ask explicitly and specifically because, at the end of the day, we're all pretty busy.

blast 7y ago
To me it reads more as passive-aggressive, not a serious offer to "keep them updated" but a weasly way of saying "I would prefer not to". Same with "Unfortunately, I’m not able to attend because of prior scheduling".

deleted 7y ago

[deleted]

deleted 7y ago

[deleted]

igolden 7y ago

While this has some value - it just screams another product that was slapped together in a night for "product hunt" clout. Most of these examples aren't that great, and it could've been delivered as a blog post.

ricardobeat 7y ago

Are these curated? There are a few that seem quite smug (eg "deep work"). Be careful in what you choose.

lazyant 7y ago

what are "non-transactional meetings"? sounds like a pedantic way to say meetings that could be an email update.

antibland 7y ago

If anyone knows how to deftly bow out of a forced company outing, I'd love to know your method. Last time I tried to get out of one of these things, I informed one of the owners I had too much to do and needed to spend the day catching up on work. She was furious and told me I was "damaging the culture."

brokenmachine 7y ago
Sounds like a culture worthy of damage.