4 ms·

It never worked for me. I always got the impression the therapist was blowing smoke up my ass. I also have a hard time rectifying the idea that you can pay som

by sfj 7y ago

It never worked for me. I always got the impression the therapist was blowing smoke up my ass. I also have a hard time rectifying the idea that you can pay someone to listen to you, and at the same time try and hold the belief they really care about and like you. If they care, why are they accepting money just to listen to you? To accept the premise of psychotherapy, and what they tell you in sessions, namely that they do care, it seems you need to achieve a suspension of disbelief that I never could. I've always wondered what sort of damage that could do to you psychologically, holding that belief for a long period of time. I mean, the person who you place the most trust in, who knows you best, is also charging you an arm and a leg every week. You paid for their summer home.

magicalhippo 7y ago
> If they care, why are they accepting money just to listen to you? Because they have to pay for food, pay for a roof over their head and pay down their student loan? Accepting payment does not mean they will care, but it certainly does not preclude that they may care.
- sfj 7y ago
  Then what are you paying them for?
wenc 7y ago
> hold the belief they really care about and like you. I'm not sure this is ever a pre-requisite; this expectation might cause you to distrust the very thing that might help you. A therapist is a guide, not a friend. I have to dig up the studies (or feel free to google), but it's been shown that just going through a script produces measurable benefits on aggregate, regardless of the therapists' shortcomings. There's an analogy to physiotherapy. In physio, you're doing the work under a coach's care -- doesn't matter how you feel about the coach as long as the prescribed techniques are correct. Results will come. Depending on your situation, you can even do CBT on yourself and see measurable benefits (Mind over Mood by Greenberger/Padesky is the usual recommendation; however YMMV -- not all pathologies respond to CBT). Not to say that there isn't a benefit to a truly empathetic therapist (there is -- you need someone you feel comfortable opening up to), but a suspension of disbelief seems to me to not be necessary. (source: personal experience)
marcus_holmes 7y ago
I found the payment liberating. I don't have to be nice to this person. I don't have to let them talk half the time, or consider their feelings. I can spend the entire hour talking about me. Because I pay them money. My therapist was fantastic. I wouldn't say she cared about me, but she definitely cared about her craft. She wanted the best for me, partly because that is what motivates her to do this. Almost exactly like seeing any other health professional. My doctor doesn't "care about me". They care about being a good doctor, and helping me recover from whatever ailment I have is what good doctors do. I'm not a mental health professional, but it sounds like you needed your therapist to "care about you" in order to accept their help, which is something you might want to talk to them about.

by sfj 7y ago

magicalhippo 7y ago

> If they care, why are they accepting money just to listen to you? Because they have to pay for food, pay for a roof over their head and pay down their student loan? Accepting payment does not mean they will care, but it certainly does not preclude that they may care.

sfj 7y ago
Then what are you paying them for?

wenc 7y ago

> hold the belief they really care about and like you. I'm not sure this is ever a pre-requisite; this expectation might cause you to distrust the very thing that might help you. A therapist is a guide, not a friend. I have to dig up the studies (or feel free to google), but it's been shown that just going through a script produces measurable benefits on aggregate, regardless of the therapists' shortcomings. There's an analogy to physiotherapy. In physio, you're doing the work under a coach's care -- doesn't matter how you feel about the coach as long as the prescribed techniques are correct. Results will come. Depending on your situation, you can even do CBT on yourself and see measurable benefits (Mind over Mood by Greenberger/Padesky is the usual recommendation; however YMMV -- not all pathologies respond to CBT). Not to say that there isn't a benefit to a truly empathetic therapist (there is -- you need someone you feel comfortable opening up to), but a suspension of disbelief seems to me to not be necessary. (source: personal experience)

marcus_holmes 7y ago

I found the payment liberating. I don't have to be nice to this person. I don't have to let them talk half the time, or consider their feelings. I can spend the entire hour talking about me. Because I pay them money. My therapist was fantastic. I wouldn't say she cared about me, but she definitely cared about her craft. She wanted the best for me, partly because that is what motivates her to do this. Almost exactly like seeing any other health professional. My doctor doesn't "care about me". They care about being a good doctor, and helping me recover from whatever ailment I have is what good doctors do. I'm not a mental health professional, but it sounds like you needed your therapist to "care about you" in order to accept their help, which is something you might want to talk to them about.