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Well I'm not saying this is the right place for his frustration, but it is a bit annoying that the narrative around domestic abuse is that it's something men to

Well I'm not saying this is the right place for his frustration, but it is a bit annoying that the narrative around domestic abuse is that it's something men to do women, while in reality the statistics show us that both men and women are guilty of domestic violence at about the same rate. There are thousands of shelters for women in the US, while for men there are less than 5 scattered across the country. Men and women should both have access to resources to protect them from abusive partners. This issue isn't as gendered as it seems to be. https://nypost.com/2017/10/29/these-shelters-help-male-victims-of-domestic-violence/ https://nypost.com/2017/10/29/these-shelters-help-male-victi... > Hines said some men don’t even realize they’re being abused until they read pamphlets — mostly geared toward women — listing abuse signs. “If you are the man, that’s a very difficult process to figure out,” she said. > In the U.S., about 31 percent of men and 37 percent of women have experienced sexual violence, physical violence or stalking by an intimate partner, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

mrlala 7y ago
>while in reality the statistics show us that both men and women are guilty of domestic violence at about the same rate I find that _extremely_ suspect. > In the U.S., about 31 percent of men and 37 percent of women have experienced sexual violence, physical violence or stalking by an intimate partner, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. I am not disagreeing with that statistic, but it's a single number that can mean almost anything. For example, 80% of that 31% of men number could be men filling out a checklist and being like "well, technically that applied once" whereas 80% of women on that list could be frantically hitting every checkbox and it's happened multiple times. That's just way to broad a statistic and you should be suspect looking at those numbers. > Hines said some men don’t even realize they’re being abused until they read pamphlets That's kind of what I meant above... if a man needs to read a pamphlet to realize he's being abused whereas a woman is literally living in fear all day long... are you saying that's the same thing? Of course some men experience the extreme end of it.. but to pretend like the abuse goes equally both ways seems like grasping for equality straws.
- leetcrew 7y ago
  I upvoted you because I think you are making a partially valid point. a woman attempted to physically restrain me from leaving her apartment once after I turned her down. in the moment, I found it more pathetic than scary. it wasn't until the next day that I thought about how differently I would view that situation if the genders were reversed (or how badly it might have gone for me if I actually had to fight her in her own home). the threat of physical violence from partners is probably not as serious for most men as it is for most women, but I think it is also wrong to casually dismiss men who don't realize in the moment that they are being abused. not being able to immediately categorize abuse doesn't necessarily mean the harm isn't done.
- viklove 7y ago
  Many women don't realize they're in an abusive relationship either. People in this situation often try to rationalize it "oh, he only hit me once, he's not really like that," or "oh, she only slapped me once, she's actually a good person." Try not to let your gender bias get in your way of seeing the truth. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence_against_men https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence_against_men There are plenty of sources listed here that you can follow up on, but most of the sources I've seen that actually take domestic violence against men seriously actually indicate that it is more common than domestic violence against women. Something like 60% of the instances of abuse are initiated by women. The severity of the abuse is obviously much more skewed towards male aggressors though. Men are obviously bigger and stronger (generally), so they hit harder and can take more abuse before needing hospitalization. Also, no one sympathizes with a man who is abused by his female partner. Not only do men feel emasculated, which can cause them to never report issues, but also people don't take them seriously. Did you know that in most states, regardless of who was the aggressor, the male in the relationship is always arrested? That's right, even if you call the police with visible scratch marks or bruises that were caused by your female partner, they will arrest you, not her. I understand that these laws exist because women often had no recourse or protection, but I think the pendulum has swung too far and men just don't have access to any resources or protection in the face of the law.
- belorn 7y ago
  There is a statistic finding in domestic violence that becomes really strange and weird if men and women are not guilty of committing domestic violence at about the same rate. Using Swedish data (through other countries report the same finding). Households of two men, two women, or a man and a woman all has the same rate of domestic abuse being reported to the police. This result in the strange statistical finding that a bisexual woman going from a heterosexual relationship to a homosexual relationship increases her aggression by over 200%. Similar, a bisexual man doing the same thing reduces his aggression by almost 50%. This is not checklists or polls, but rather plain crime statistics collected by police and courts. A theory to explain this is that displacement violence in pair relationships is a equal risk for all human relationships regardless of the genders involved, but the method deployed by the aggressor is likely different depending if the aggressor has more physical strength than the victim. Naturally we must also consider that while averages exist, people are still individuals and there are huge variation in any population.

mrlala 7y ago

>while in reality the statistics show us that both men and women are guilty of domestic violence at about the same rate I find that _extremely_ suspect. > In the U.S., about 31 percent of men and 37 percent of women have experienced sexual violence, physical violence or stalking by an intimate partner, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. I am not disagreeing with that statistic, but it's a single number that can mean almost anything. For example, 80% of that 31% of men number could be men filling out a checklist and being like "well, technically that applied once" whereas 80% of women on that list could be frantically hitting every checkbox and it's happened multiple times. That's just way to broad a statistic and you should be suspect looking at those numbers. > Hines said some men don’t even realize they’re being abused until they read pamphlets That's kind of what I meant above... if a man needs to read a pamphlet to realize he's being abused whereas a woman is literally living in fear all day long... are you saying that's the same thing? Of course some men experience the extreme end of it.. but to pretend like the abuse goes equally both ways seems like grasping for equality straws.

leetcrew 7y ago
I upvoted you because I think you are making a partially valid point. a woman attempted to physically restrain me from leaving her apartment once after I turned her down. in the moment, I found it more pathetic than scary. it wasn't until the next day that I thought about how differently I would view that situation if the genders were reversed (or how badly it might have gone for me if I actually had to fight her in her own home). the threat of physical violence from partners is probably not as serious for most men as it is for most women, but I think it is also wrong to casually dismiss men who don't realize in the moment that they are being abused. not being able to immediately categorize abuse doesn't necessarily mean the harm isn't done.
viklove 7y ago
Many women don't realize they're in an abusive relationship either. People in this situation often try to rationalize it "oh, he only hit me once, he's not really like that," or "oh, she only slapped me once, she's actually a good person." Try not to let your gender bias get in your way of seeing the truth. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence_against_men https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence_against_men There are plenty of sources listed here that you can follow up on, but most of the sources I've seen that actually take domestic violence against men seriously actually indicate that it is more common than domestic violence against women. Something like 60% of the instances of abuse are initiated by women. The severity of the abuse is obviously much more skewed towards male aggressors though. Men are obviously bigger and stronger (generally), so they hit harder and can take more abuse before needing hospitalization. Also, no one sympathizes with a man who is abused by his female partner. Not only do men feel emasculated, which can cause them to never report issues, but also people don't take them seriously. Did you know that in most states, regardless of who was the aggressor, the male in the relationship is always arrested? That's right, even if you call the police with visible scratch marks or bruises that were caused by your female partner, they will arrest you, not her. I understand that these laws exist because women often had no recourse or protection, but I think the pendulum has swung too far and men just don't have access to any resources or protection in the face of the law.
belorn 7y ago
There is a statistic finding in domestic violence that becomes really strange and weird if men and women are not guilty of committing domestic violence at about the same rate. Using Swedish data (through other countries report the same finding). Households of two men, two women, or a man and a woman all has the same rate of domestic abuse being reported to the police. This result in the strange statistical finding that a bisexual woman going from a heterosexual relationship to a homosexual relationship increases her aggression by over 200%. Similar, a bisexual man doing the same thing reduces his aggression by almost 50%. This is not checklists or polls, but rather plain crime statistics collected by police and courts. A theory to explain this is that displacement violence in pair relationships is a equal risk for all human relationships regardless of the genders involved, but the method deployed by the aggressor is likely different depending if the aggressor has more physical strength than the victim. Naturally we must also consider that while averages exist, people are still individuals and there are huge variation in any population.