3 ms·

I'm Tired of Unhappy People

25 points by gatsby 16y ago

ebaysucks 16y ago
I fully agree with Blake's comment: "I am of a mixed mind about this. Some of the most brilliant people I know are not ‘happy’ people, and yet I value their company and opinions more than people in general. Infact I often find that people who are always positive are usually faking it. And I hate fake personalities vastly more than cynics or pessimists."
- barrkel 16y ago
  There is definitely a lack of authenticity when someone is consciously and deliberately choosing to reframe an event so they can have a more positive reaction to it. The other trap you can fall into is playing this surface stuff like it's a game, and not tackling the underlying issues, rather than merely reframing them. The determined feeling of tackling a problem doesn't resemble happiness - it happens with more of a furrowed brow - but I don't think it's "unhappiness" either, which I would put alongside apathy in similarity.
- sliverstorm 16y ago
  Firstly, ...more than people in general? All this tells us is he values the company of brilliant people, not that he values their company more than happy people. It is true, there are fake happy people. But if you've never met one of those bubbly laughing folks who seem high on life, or one of those charismatic people who's smile fills you with warmth, I am truly sorry for you. Whether or not they are secretly dying inside, they are true gems to be around.
noibl 16y ago
Saying 'unhappiness is a choice' is a bit like saying 'poverty is a choice' in that the only point of saying it is to rationalise distancing yourself from it. If you feel that unhappiness is like a contagious disease and that you sometimes get infected by it, two conclusions follow: the 'choice' thesis can't be that strong, and it's entirely unnecessary to blame others for the effect it's having on you.
- barrkel 16y ago
  Emotions are affected by action and reaction, in a cyclical and continuous feedback fashion. There is no contradiction between saying that un/happiness is a choice and un/happiness is contagious; it's just that when you're in a group, there's more than one person choosing how to act, and some measure of one's reaction is involuntary. The more negative people are in your group, the harder you have to fight - i.e. the more times you'll have to consciously choose - to turn reactions more positively. There are a lot of ambient factors that affect un/happiness though, particularly health, environment, stress etc. The more of these things that are getting you down, the more work it is to stay upbeat. The spiral you have to fight to keep out of is getting discouraged, and not changing those ambient factors any more.
- sliverstorm 16y ago
  1) You can choose who you hang out with 2) If hanging out with someone routinely brings you down, it wouldn't be right to BLAME them for making you sad, but that doesn't mean you have to keep spending time with them. Fault can be separated from causality.
- herval 16y ago
  both unhappiness and poverty are 50% choice. Unless you live in a caste-based system OR have some genuine reasons to be unhappy (e.g. a close relative just died). Luckily, these are usually NOT the norm...
ryan-allen 16y ago
Boo hoo, stop complaining you big sook! You obviously understand very little about mental health, some people can't help it, really. Winston Churchill was a very depressed fellow, and look what he did and achieved during a very dark time.
rhizome 16y ago
I never cease to be amused by the irony of complaining about unhappy people.
apl 16y ago
I'm genuinely tired of pseudo-happy people. Quite the fluff piece.
- democracy 16y ago
  That's true. A plastic smile doesn't make someone one bit happier.

25 points by gatsby 16y ago

I fully agree with Blake's comment: "I am of a mixed mind about this. Some of the most brilliant people I know are not ‘happy’ people, and yet I value their company and opinions more than people in general. Infact I often find that people who are always positive are usually faking it. And I hate fake personalities vastly more than cynics or pessimists."

barrkel 16y ago
There is definitely a lack of authenticity when someone is consciously and deliberately choosing to reframe an event so they can have a more positive reaction to it. The other trap you can fall into is playing this surface stuff like it's a game, and not tackling the underlying issues, rather than merely reframing them. The determined feeling of tackling a problem doesn't resemble happiness - it happens with more of a furrowed brow - but I don't think it's "unhappiness" either, which I would put alongside apathy in similarity.
sliverstorm 16y ago
Firstly, ...more than people in general? All this tells us is he values the company of brilliant people, not that he values their company more than happy people. It is true, there are fake happy people. But if you've never met one of those bubbly laughing folks who seem high on life, or one of those charismatic people who's smile fills you with warmth, I am truly sorry for you. Whether or not they are secretly dying inside, they are true gems to be around.

noibl 16y ago

Saying 'unhappiness is a choice' is a bit like saying 'poverty is a choice' in that the only point of saying it is to rationalise distancing yourself from it. If you feel that unhappiness is like a contagious disease and that you sometimes get infected by it, two conclusions follow: the 'choice' thesis can't be that strong, and it's entirely unnecessary to blame others for the effect it's having on you.

barrkel 16y ago
Emotions are affected by action and reaction, in a cyclical and continuous feedback fashion. There is no contradiction between saying that un/happiness is a choice and un/happiness is contagious; it's just that when you're in a group, there's more than one person choosing how to act, and some measure of one's reaction is involuntary. The more negative people are in your group, the harder you have to fight - i.e. the more times you'll have to consciously choose - to turn reactions more positively. There are a lot of ambient factors that affect un/happiness though, particularly health, environment, stress etc. The more of these things that are getting you down, the more work it is to stay upbeat. The spiral you have to fight to keep out of is getting discouraged, and not changing those ambient factors any more.
sliverstorm 16y ago
1) You can choose who you hang out with 2) If hanging out with someone routinely brings you down, it wouldn't be right to BLAME them for making you sad, but that doesn't mean you have to keep spending time with them. Fault can be separated from causality.
herval 16y ago
both unhappiness and poverty are 50% choice. Unless you live in a caste-based system OR have some genuine reasons to be unhappy (e.g. a close relative just died). Luckily, these are usually NOT the norm...

ryan-allen 16y ago

Boo hoo, stop complaining you big sook! You obviously understand very little about mental health, some people can't help it, really. Winston Churchill was a very depressed fellow, and look what he did and achieved during a very dark time.

rhizome 16y ago

I never cease to be amused by the irony of complaining about unhappy people.

apl 16y ago

I'm genuinely tired of pseudo-happy people. Quite the fluff piece.

democracy 16y ago
That's true. A plastic smile doesn't make someone one bit happier.