9 ms·

Farewell

204 points by gobr 7y ago

AdmiralAsshat 7y ago
What, specifically, has byuu said in the past that has lead him to need to disappear?
- contr-error 7y ago
  Does it matter?
- deleted 7y ago
  [deleted]
- jpgvm 7y ago
  If you want to slog through it here is the post mentioned in the OP: https://kiwifarms.net/threads/byuu-byuu_nyan-setsunakun0.43056/ https://kiwifarms.net/threads/byuu-byuu_nyan-setsunakun0.430...
  - TazeTSchnitzel 7y ago
    That's not a website you would normally want to go anywhere near. It is a forum where stalkers and creeps go to obsess over and make fun of the lives of people who aren't public figures.
    - kemonocode 7y ago
      It's also a website with a culture of methodically archiving people's behavior, whether you agree with how it gets used or not. I agree with freedom of speech, but also I do think people ought to be held accountable for the things they say and do.
      - throwanem 7y ago
        I'd be awfully hesitant to trust factual claims made by people who speak and behave as that site's users do. Nothing I've seen from them suggests a willingness to scruple at fabricating evidence.
        Cyberdog 7y ago
        On the contrary, Kiwis are meticulous about verifying and preserving evidence. Posting information about someone without third-party archive links or some other way to verify what you're saying will result in you, at best, being politely reminded to post verification. If it's verified that you were intentionally posting false information to stir up drama, you will likely be banned and maybe even have your own thread made about you with all of your dirty laundry proudly on display. Yes, Kiwis dox and mock people and say gamer words, and that sort of edgi boi behavior isn't for everyone. But the information it collects is rarely inaccurate. EDIT: For what it's worth, it looks like Byuu posted in his own thread last month taking accountability for some of his bad behavior and got a mostly warm response from the Kiwis. https://kiwifarms.net/threads/byuu-byuu_nyan-setsunakun0.43056/post-5982121 https://kiwifarms.net/threads/byuu-byuu_nyan-setsunakun0.430...
        tiles 7y ago
        This is such a strange response. Byuu's two posts later in the thread contain several corrections, particularly on their alleged cartridge hoarding behavior. It invalidates the claims of the original post while not denying any of the evidence was true. A well sourced Wikipedia article can still be biased. The presence of sources isn't mutually exclusive with bias.
        Cyberdog 7y ago
        > It invalidates the claims of the original post while not denying any of the evidence was true. So the evidence is still true, then? And the paragraph at the top of the OP states that it is slightly out of date. > A well sourced Wikipedia article can still be biased. Obligatory XKCD: https://xkcd.com/978/ https://xkcd.com/978/ I'm increasingly becoming convinced Wikipedia is a toxic garbage dump. The Wii U article states that it had the fewest game releases of any Nintendo console. I tried adding the words "…since the Virtual Boy" to turn that into a factually correct statement and it got reverted. I don't have the time to get into a slapfight with another editor about facts, so the incorrect statement remains. Whatever.
      - dependenttypes 7y ago
        There used to be a banner in that site that said that white-knighting was not allowed. I understood that to mean that if someone posted something refuting another post that was criticizing that person they would get banned. I would agree with you if kiwifarms was a truly free site that aimed to stay objective but this does not seem to be the case.
      - tiles 7y ago
        "Held accountable" on the post seems to include moral depravity like "he posted anti-Trump tweets". I don't think that's really accurate here.
    - saagarjha 7y ago
      It's also highly unpleasant, with a lexicon reminiscent of 4chan.
      - snvzz 7y ago
        I find 4chan a quite friendly place in contrast. This forum seems focused on hate and trying to harm people.
        crankylinuxuser 7y ago
        Wow, you all weren't joking. That place is the chunks at the bottom of a cesspool. Even 4chan /b/ is friendlier.
        nonbirithm 7y ago
        They're the kind of people who try to make themselves sound reasonable by saying some of their members are also part of vulnerable communities, then turn around and call people "spergs" as an insult and let it slide. In the end, all that matters to them is if they get a good laugh out of it, as it always has been.
    - bartread 7y ago
      I mean, yeah, I'm pretty sure that byuu has done some things he regrets in life, including content he's posted online. That's hardly unusual for people who've been on the internet for a long time, and is something that we as a society are going to have to learn to deal with better than we do at the moment. People change, and dredging up stuff that people posted years ago is more than a little bit sad, and deeply unedifying for everyone. I'd never heard of Kiwi Farms before today and, honestly, I could cheerfully have gone my whole life without knowing about it. I started reading the thread, then skimmed the responses further down and was, basically, appalled. This website truly does plumb the depths of mental depravity. It's a cesspool of lazy, warped, corrupted thinking. Wikipedia has a pretty good overview of what you're getting into there: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kiwi_Farms https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kiwi_Farms As such, I would regard any perspective on byuu shared on that site as highly suspect, and I certainly wouldn't use it as a yardstick by which to assess him as a human being. Right: I think it might be time to go and disinfect my eyes and my brain.
    - a_t48 7y ago
      Yeah - everyone says dumb things at one point or another. Maybe some of the callout is warranted, but collating every possible embarrassing thing someone has said is too much.
  - kithrothrowi 7y ago
    I would like to point out that byuu's recent response to that thread was composed and dignified: https://kiwifarms.net/threads/byuu-byuu_nyan-setsunakun0.43056/page-6#post-5982121 https://kiwifarms.net/threads/byuu-byuu_nyan-setsunakun0.430.... As someone with who wasn't familiar with the drama I came away with the impression that byuu handled it rather well in the end (and also has grown as a person thanks to it). It does make me wonder if from the perspective of PR and reducing further trolling posting a calm, eloquent and self-deprecating defense is better or worse than not responding at all. What would you do if you had a Kiwi Farms thread with your embarrassing posts, some very old? (Throwaway because I don't want a link to Kiwi Farms in my post history.)
    - Kaze404 7y ago
      I clicked that link expecting to be horrified and was still shocked by the first thing I glanced at. Thanks for linking, but I wouldn't advise anyone to click it. It's not worth it.
      - byuu 7y ago
        To be fair, I have a much better fursona now ^-^;; https://twitter.com/Kampidh/status/1234029776144175110 https://twitter.com/Kampidh/status/1234029776144175110 (it's G-rated, don't worry.)
        Kaze404 7y ago
        I was referring to the immediate n-word. Furries are fine, shaming people for what they enjoy is cringe. Fwiw I think your fursona is adorable.
        byuu 7y ago
        Ah, yeah. Lovely bunch there. > Fwiw I think your fursona is adorable. Thank you very much ^-^
        Aloha 7y ago
        Your Fursona is adorable, though, uhh.. what species are you?
  - kfbthrwy 7y ago
    Ah Kiwifarms... you see though, they often err on the side of whatever is the most juicy. They’re infamous for taking tenuous bits of evidence to paint a horrible picture of someone. They are also masters at omitting things that would hurt this case, even if it’s the very next sentence in a paragraph. Now on one hand, a lot of the subjects on kiwifarms are in fact not the type of people anyone would want to defend; many of them really are horrible people. And, you could argue that what kiwifarms does is not a big deal, since it’s just archiving what people say. But then, I think it highlights one of the things people hate about the internet. Which is to say, the looming record. Everything someone has ever said or defended might be archived somewhere, to be picked apart endlessly. The thing is, most of the time, more time is spent picking apart and dissecting text than was spent originally writing it. (Could it some day be these comments in this thread being archived and weaponized? Maybe.) I think byuu’s reply underscores all of that. But even moreso, it underscores something more sinister, imo. Byuu never left a shred of evidence about his sexuality anywhere, which is because he is asexual. However, he is accused of pedophilia for defending comic books. Now there are enough pornographic comic books in this world to find at least one that’ll make anyone’s skin crawl, but it is still just ink on paper. Even if you still think it should be banned, I don’t see how you could possibly, with good conscience, accuse someone of potentially being a pedophile over your position on this issue, especially knowing Japanese culture surrounding this phenomenon. There is no need to make bad analogies to defend this position. It is a logical leap of epic proportions to suggest not wanting to censor comics fantasizing about something is somehow advocating for the thing they fantasize about. Byuu gave up his position, which was a smart thing to do nowadays, as this non-sense idea that being anti-censorship makes you a pedophile is actually pervasive in both left and right leaning circles nowadays. I know some people think I’m exaggerating here, but the battle has been rather vicious against online artists, who in the west have in many cases stopped posting pornography altogether to avoid stepping on glass, and there’s a ton of pressure being put on Patreon and its payment processors to the point where Patreon now claims officially that you can no longer post illustrated pornography with anime-style features[1]. I think it is, at best, scummy behavior to go and take someone’s opinion on this subject and use it to extrapolate on how they might be a predator in real life. Of course, something also common with both Kiwifarms and with the left-leaning internet is guilt by association. So god help you if you are friends with anyone who has a banned opinion. There are other preposterous logical conclusion jumps than just this one too! I don’t think any of them are as vicious because they are easier to call out as bullshit because you won’t be unilaterally shat on for defending pedophilia when doing so. In byuu’s case, though, I think this was the most egregious one. All in all, what Kiwifarms claims to do and I believe even what they think they do seems like it would not be all that bad; it almost seems a bit journalistic on its face. But as usual, the devil is in the details. Throwaway account for many reasons that are already obvious if you read this far. I am not mortified of being outed or anything, as I really do stand by my opinions, but I suspect there would be very little benefit to standing by it with my own name in this day and age. :( [1] https://twitter.com/waero_re/status/1238408555507539968 https://twitter.com/waero_re/status/1238408555507539968
- asveikau 7y ago
  Whatever it is, it wouldn't shock me if he were being too hard on himself. I have seen him comment here for instance, and I do not follow the scene at all, but many of those were interesting comments. I am only skimming the linked article elsewhere in the thread and it seems too hard on him too.
a_t48 7y ago
Good luck, byuu! Your emulation work is an inspiration. :) I'm jealous of your Tokyo move - I tried last year but failed to secure a work visa (only time being a college dropout has actually hurt me).
aidenn0 7y ago
Thank you byuu for all the work you've done. Be proud of what you've done, and good luck with your future endeavors!
btrask 7y ago
(For those who don't know, Byuu is a member here and will likely see comments in this thread.) Hi Byuu. You don't know me, but I've been a fan of your work since the early days of bsnes. I've also seen at least some of your "detractors'" criticisms, while lurking. (My "favorite" was that you don't know enough math to emulate the 3D graphics of the N64, because you didn't stay in school. I didn't know they taught how to write SNES emulators in school either... Maybe I was sick that day.) Anyway... Please don't be too hard on yourself. I think you're more mature than most(?) of your critics, and more importantly, you've made several comments and actions that make me think you have a genuine desire to self-improve. Social graces seem to come more naturally to some people than others. The rest of us have to work it out for ourselves. You're a smart person, so I know you can do this if you devote the time to it. Of course, thinking of yourself as smart tends to be an obstacle, and the journey tends to start where you least expect it. If you'll allow me to give a word of caution, avoid distractions. Spend some time by yourself pulling back from people online, and not writing code either. There are problems in life that no amount of code can help. If you really want to solve this, don't get too caught up in exploring Tokyo either. :) I'm sorry if bsnes/higan hasn't made you happy, but if you still have some energy left, I know you can find a way to get what you really want out of life. Thanks for your incredible effort, and godspeed.
- byuu 7y ago
  Working on bsnes and higan were the things that made me most happy. Well, bug hunting was of course stressful but the joy of fixing a bug and seeing new games running was always well worth it! I'm definitely going to miss it a lot. It was everything else that was a problem. If I could have just been left alone to code in peace and without all these pesky health and work issues, I'd be very happy to continue. I think I still have a ways to go on the self-improvement, but it's hit a point where I think I need a few months' break to go at it offline, and maybe let my hands rest a while from typing so much. I ended up coming back to things the last two bouts of depression, so we'll see. Thanks for the kind words, take care as well!
  - derefr 7y ago
    > Working on bsnes and higan were the things that made me most happy. What about this work made you happy? What was the reward? You might be able to capture it in a different way. I don’t get the sense that it was something to do with making the people who used your emulators happy, per se, so probably “solving someone’s problem and seeing them light up” isn’t going to do it for you. I’d guess that helping to conserve other artistic expressions [to ensure people can experience them the same way they did on the original hardware, long after you’re gone] would make you happy? Especially if you could use your specialized knowledge and experience to do so, in a way where it’s not necessarily true that anyone else would have come along to do the same thing if you hadn’t done it. Perhaps you could volunteer in a consulting/advisory capacity for some of the Archive.org software-library preservation projects? Not so much programming, as pointing out the pitfalls in the architectural decisions of what other people are programming. Like a software security consultant, but for “ensuring the original work is conserved and reproduced with 100% fidelity” instead of “ensuring nobody can exploit the software.”
honkycat 7y ago
I totally feel the "I hate that my only talent is computer programming." I am in the exact same boat. I really don't even like the career anymore, other than the money, which I would trade in a heart-beat for a stable job that allowed more leisure time and made OK money. I worked extremely hard on a start-up for half of my 20s and I ended up with basically nothing to show for it. Employers do not seem that interested in my start-up, they want "People with experience scaling large systems." Whoops. Now I'm sending out my CV and I'm not getting many bites.
- beefhash 7y ago
  The job market has been very hard on everyone lately. And looking at current event, I don't think that's going to improve in the foreseeable future.
  - deleted 7y ago
    [deleted]
- flashgordon 7y ago
  Please please dont be hard on yourself. I actually "wasted" my 20s (and most of my 30s) in startups and "learning". But employers really dont care for this (I am in a FAANG hiring committee) and are no different than recruiters who care more for nothing more than the latest buzz words ("scaling distributed systems"). What is worse is even startups who are meant to value diversity/breadth of skills are doing the same. But would I trade my breadth of knowledge and learning. Nope. Would I try to become a one-trick-pony? Not at all. Do I still code - Yep totally but on things I care about and enjoy rather than on a yet-another-engagement-driver while also building up on other hobbies. Also where are you based? DM me if you are looking at roles in the bay-area. (Unfortunately as much as Id hate to see it die, leetcode is unavoidable at a FAANG interview :) ).
Mindless2112 7y ago
I'll believe byuu cares about preserving history when he's stopped blocking the Wayback Machine from archiving his site. Edit: The good work someone has done is no excuse for anything. > The problem is that the internet is not like any other time in human history: everything we ever say and do gets recorded and indexed, all readily available to anyone curious, for all of time. This is new, and it's something that society has not really adapted to yet. I think we will reach that point in a generation or two. But right now, it seems impossible to be forgiven for our past mistakes. They all add up and weigh us down like an albatross around our necks. Stay around on the internet long enough, and it will eventually crush even the best of us. > I could go back and read the things written about me from 2015 by people I've since made peace with and anger myself again. But that's not who they are today: that's who they were. > People change. I'm embarrassed myself seeing how I've acted in the past. I don't stand behind much of my old writing, some of it literally decades old now. I've been online since I was a teenager; obviously not everything has aged well. You don't have to forget the past, but you have to be willing to give people second chances in life. Like all perfectionists, he's found that he's not always happy with his past self. He wants an undo button for reality. He knows he can't have it but is still unable to accept it. Even now.
- DeepYogurt 7y ago
  Byuu has done immeasurable good for the preservation of video games. Who cares if he doesn't want every forum squabble recorded forever.
- nayuki 7y ago
  Same. It seems he's also blocking other archiver tools by showing "Please click the button below to enter byuu.org: [I am not a robot button]": https://archive.vn/NYreE https://archive.vn/NYreE
  - rsynnott 7y ago
    If a site disobeys robots.txt, I see no particular issue in taking further measures to dissuade it.
matheusmoreira 7y ago
Thank you for everything you've accomplished. The world is immeasurably richer because of you and everyone who helped make these accurate emulators a reality.
nonbirithm 7y ago
I think an important facet of open source is portraying the right expectations. I feel like I have an inverse problem to the one the author describes. Personally I work on projects for a really long time in private, not having to worry about dealing with other people since everything is done by me only, and wonder how I should eventually portray the project to the public. My motivation to do things shifts wildly from week to week, and I can spend months at a time on one single project and suddenly just stop cold one day as if it never happened. I keep wondering how that's compatible with involving yourself with the community, if they'll wonder where I'm at a month from now. In my case the project is specifically meant for contribution for other people or it won't take off (a mod system) so it feels inevitable I'd have to do it some day. But I don't know if I can keep it up after it's announced without getting burnt out by interacting with people, and delivering on the things I want to accomplish. I'm reminded of the author of uBlock Origin specifically refusing donations for this reason, to ensure he feels no sense of responsibility to "make good" on what people give him. He also mentions the same motivation issue. I have at one point been in a spot where I've worked on something with a similar amount of zeal for months on end, literally every single day, then dropped it out of nowhere, then had someone come up to me and ask me to finish it with them, and then literally being unable to get myself to write more code. Like, I was sitting at the screen, doing nothing at all for hours, unable to bring myself to care. Even though this person reached out to me personally over one of my projects, which had never happened before in my life, and I liked their company! Part of me still wanted it to be finished too. But I just didn't feel like it anymore. I feel a lot of guilt over that, still. So I know I have been in that spot before. I keep working at my current projects though, regardless of the amount of progress. It's just an interesting hobby right now, if a somewhat obsessive one. I'm always reminded of the portrayal of Robert Graysmith in the film Zodiac, where he explains he does so much investigation into the titular case "because nobody else will." That's exactly how I feel with my long-term projects. Perhaps byuu felt the same at some point. Maybe that attitude is what got me this far all along. Still, so many times I feel like I'm just grasping at straws or not making the progress I want. But giving it to the community leaves a sense of obligation if I have these goals that are still left unfulfilled, which I easily end up imagining worst-case leading into whatever drama of "such and such project not doing what it envisions." And of course I will never expect someone to pick up the torch, tempting as it feels. They could, but in the end it's their choice, and I have no right to obligate them. This thought bothers me a lot. What reminded me of this in relation to the article specifically was the author's mention of wishing he could just code in peace without all the extra baggage surrounding the project and other things in his life he describes. Currently I would describe myself as "coding in peace," it being closed-source at the moment, and I'm wondering if I'll end up getting myself into all that someday. Then again, the alternative feels like wandering aimlessly in this solitary coding marathon for months on end at a glacial rate of progress, not quite knowing if my designs or implementations are the "right" way to advance the project, which feels equally troublesome. I don't feel smart (or perhaps arrogant) enough to believe that outright. And also, wasn't I supposed to use this thing if it does get finished? Otherwise why spend so long coding it up at all? After a while this cycle of thinking wears me out. I can totally understand the author's feelings, even if they aren't quite caused by the same reasons. It's a lot of time spent on a small amount of things, in the pursuit of these potentially lofty goals. I guess it's necessary to step back every once in a while and reframe things. That doesn't even go into careers, which is a different boat entirely. All that might have been a random tangent. It's just a thought I've been mulling over. Anyway, I should say this: Thanks, byuu, for all your contributions to the emulation scene over the years. Give yourself a good block of vacation and go explore Tokyo sometime. You deserve it.
srtjstjsj 7y ago
Another soul lost due to their inability to prevent letting anonymous assholes make them feel bad.
- byuu 7y ago
  I give you my word, they've had a go at me online since 1998. I'm not worried about criticism directed my way. I mostly deserved it anyway. But they went after my friends. Someone on an imageboard compiled a list of my friends' real names, photographs they had posted, locations where they lived ... really creepy stuff. I'm stepping down because I don't want my personal friends and the dozens of volunteers who helped develop my emulators caught in the crossfire.
  - DoreenMichele 7y ago
    I have no idea who you are, but I'm sorry to hear this. People can be truly awful and I wish the world had fewer obsessed, creepy stalker types in it.
serf 7y ago
Byuu. Thanks for the technical effort. I've always been impressed by bsnes.
reassembled 7y ago
Byuu, your code base is awesome and I've been studying it a lot lately. I'm not programming emulators, I'm studying your architectural design more than anything. Your passion and dedication really shows. Best of luck in your future. I've also had bouts of RSI and it can really be frustrating, especially when what you do shapes so much of how one thinks of oneself, and that starts to whittle away.
- byuu 7y ago
  Thank you kindly! The structural design aspects of programming was one of my favorite parts. I may've gone a bit too far in the final releases of higan with the reference-counted tree to describe system states (specifically serializing the tree is quite involved), but I'm still really happy with the result ^-^; Hopefully a respite from coding in my spare time will help my hands recover a bit.
byuu 7y ago
I'll take my leave from HN as well now. It's truly been an honor! I've always greatly appreciated the links to my articles shared here, and the discussions with everyone on these and other submissions on the site. I'm hoping to return one day when things settle down a bit in my life. Hopefully when that day comes I'll have some great new things to share. Until then, take care everyone!
Bananaman28 7y ago
Take care of yourself Byuu, I've always had nothing but respect for you and your work. Best of luck!

Farewell

204 points by gobr 7y ago

AdmiralAsshat 7y ago

What, specifically, has byuu said in the past that has lead him to need to disappear?

contr-error 7y ago
Does it matter?
deleted 7y ago
[deleted]
jpgvm 7y ago
If you want to slog through it here is the post mentioned in the OP: https://kiwifarms.net/threads/byuu-byuu_nyan-setsunakun0.43056/ https://kiwifarms.net/threads/byuu-byuu_nyan-setsunakun0.430...
- TazeTSchnitzel 7y ago
  That's not a website you would normally want to go anywhere near. It is a forum where stalkers and creeps go to obsess over and make fun of the lives of people who aren't public figures.
  - kemonocode 7y ago
    It's also a website with a culture of methodically archiving people's behavior, whether you agree with how it gets used or not. I agree with freedom of speech, but also I do think people ought to be held accountable for the things they say and do.
    - throwanem 7y ago
      I'd be awfully hesitant to trust factual claims made by people who speak and behave as that site's users do. Nothing I've seen from them suggests a willingness to scruple at fabricating evidence.
      - Cyberdog 7y ago
        On the contrary, Kiwis are meticulous about verifying and preserving evidence. Posting information about someone without third-party archive links or some other way to verify what you're saying will result in you, at best, being politely reminded to post verification. If it's verified that you were intentionally posting false information to stir up drama, you will likely be banned and maybe even have your own thread made about you with all of your dirty laundry proudly on display. Yes, Kiwis dox and mock people and say gamer words, and that sort of edgi boi behavior isn't for everyone. But the information it collects is rarely inaccurate. EDIT: For what it's worth, it looks like Byuu posted in his own thread last month taking accountability for some of his bad behavior and got a mostly warm response from the Kiwis. https://kiwifarms.net/threads/byuu-byuu_nyan-setsunakun0.43056/post-5982121 https://kiwifarms.net/threads/byuu-byuu_nyan-setsunakun0.430...
        tiles 7y ago
        This is such a strange response. Byuu's two posts later in the thread contain several corrections, particularly on their alleged cartridge hoarding behavior. It invalidates the claims of the original post while not denying any of the evidence was true. A well sourced Wikipedia article can still be biased. The presence of sources isn't mutually exclusive with bias.
        Cyberdog 7y ago
        > It invalidates the claims of the original post while not denying any of the evidence was true. So the evidence is still true, then? And the paragraph at the top of the OP states that it is slightly out of date. > A well sourced Wikipedia article can still be biased. Obligatory XKCD: https://xkcd.com/978/ https://xkcd.com/978/ I'm increasingly becoming convinced Wikipedia is a toxic garbage dump. The Wii U article states that it had the fewest game releases of any Nintendo console. I tried adding the words "…since the Virtual Boy" to turn that into a factually correct statement and it got reverted. I don't have the time to get into a slapfight with another editor about facts, so the incorrect statement remains. Whatever.
    - dependenttypes 7y ago
      There used to be a banner in that site that said that white-knighting was not allowed. I understood that to mean that if someone posted something refuting another post that was criticizing that person they would get banned. I would agree with you if kiwifarms was a truly free site that aimed to stay objective but this does not seem to be the case.
    - tiles 7y ago
      "Held accountable" on the post seems to include moral depravity like "he posted anti-Trump tweets". I don't think that's really accurate here.
  - saagarjha 7y ago
    It's also highly unpleasant, with a lexicon reminiscent of 4chan.
    - snvzz 7y ago
      I find 4chan a quite friendly place in contrast. This forum seems focused on hate and trying to harm people.
      - crankylinuxuser 7y ago
        Wow, you all weren't joking. That place is the chunks at the bottom of a cesspool. Even 4chan /b/ is friendlier.
        nonbirithm 7y ago
        They're the kind of people who try to make themselves sound reasonable by saying some of their members are also part of vulnerable communities, then turn around and call people "spergs" as an insult and let it slide. In the end, all that matters to them is if they get a good laugh out of it, as it always has been.
  - bartread 7y ago
    I mean, yeah, I'm pretty sure that byuu has done some things he regrets in life, including content he's posted online. That's hardly unusual for people who've been on the internet for a long time, and is something that we as a society are going to have to learn to deal with better than we do at the moment. People change, and dredging up stuff that people posted years ago is more than a little bit sad, and deeply unedifying for everyone. I'd never heard of Kiwi Farms before today and, honestly, I could cheerfully have gone my whole life without knowing about it. I started reading the thread, then skimmed the responses further down and was, basically, appalled. This website truly does plumb the depths of mental depravity. It's a cesspool of lazy, warped, corrupted thinking. Wikipedia has a pretty good overview of what you're getting into there: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kiwi_Farms https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kiwi_Farms As such, I would regard any perspective on byuu shared on that site as highly suspect, and I certainly wouldn't use it as a yardstick by which to assess him as a human being. Right: I think it might be time to go and disinfect my eyes and my brain.
  - a_t48 7y ago
    Yeah - everyone says dumb things at one point or another. Maybe some of the callout is warranted, but collating every possible embarrassing thing someone has said is too much.
- kithrothrowi 7y ago
  I would like to point out that byuu's recent response to that thread was composed and dignified: https://kiwifarms.net/threads/byuu-byuu_nyan-setsunakun0.43056/page-6#post-5982121 https://kiwifarms.net/threads/byuu-byuu_nyan-setsunakun0.430.... As someone with who wasn't familiar with the drama I came away with the impression that byuu handled it rather well in the end (and also has grown as a person thanks to it). It does make me wonder if from the perspective of PR and reducing further trolling posting a calm, eloquent and self-deprecating defense is better or worse than not responding at all. What would you do if you had a Kiwi Farms thread with your embarrassing posts, some very old? (Throwaway because I don't want a link to Kiwi Farms in my post history.)
  - Kaze404 7y ago
    I clicked that link expecting to be horrified and was still shocked by the first thing I glanced at. Thanks for linking, but I wouldn't advise anyone to click it. It's not worth it.
    - byuu 7y ago
      To be fair, I have a much better fursona now ^-^;; https://twitter.com/Kampidh/status/1234029776144175110 https://twitter.com/Kampidh/status/1234029776144175110 (it's G-rated, don't worry.)
      - Kaze404 7y ago
        I was referring to the immediate n-word. Furries are fine, shaming people for what they enjoy is cringe. Fwiw I think your fursona is adorable.
        byuu 7y ago
        Ah, yeah. Lovely bunch there. > Fwiw I think your fursona is adorable. Thank you very much ^-^
      - Aloha 7y ago
        Your Fursona is adorable, though, uhh.. what species are you?
- kfbthrwy 7y ago
  Ah Kiwifarms... you see though, they often err on the side of whatever is the most juicy. They’re infamous for taking tenuous bits of evidence to paint a horrible picture of someone. They are also masters at omitting things that would hurt this case, even if it’s the very next sentence in a paragraph. Now on one hand, a lot of the subjects on kiwifarms are in fact not the type of people anyone would want to defend; many of them really are horrible people. And, you could argue that what kiwifarms does is not a big deal, since it’s just archiving what people say. But then, I think it highlights one of the things people hate about the internet. Which is to say, the looming record. Everything someone has ever said or defended might be archived somewhere, to be picked apart endlessly. The thing is, most of the time, more time is spent picking apart and dissecting text than was spent originally writing it. (Could it some day be these comments in this thread being archived and weaponized? Maybe.) I think byuu’s reply underscores all of that. But even moreso, it underscores something more sinister, imo. Byuu never left a shred of evidence about his sexuality anywhere, which is because he is asexual. However, he is accused of pedophilia for defending comic books. Now there are enough pornographic comic books in this world to find at least one that’ll make anyone’s skin crawl, but it is still just ink on paper. Even if you still think it should be banned, I don’t see how you could possibly, with good conscience, accuse someone of potentially being a pedophile over your position on this issue, especially knowing Japanese culture surrounding this phenomenon. There is no need to make bad analogies to defend this position. It is a logical leap of epic proportions to suggest not wanting to censor comics fantasizing about something is somehow advocating for the thing they fantasize about. Byuu gave up his position, which was a smart thing to do nowadays, as this non-sense idea that being anti-censorship makes you a pedophile is actually pervasive in both left and right leaning circles nowadays. I know some people think I’m exaggerating here, but the battle has been rather vicious against online artists, who in the west have in many cases stopped posting pornography altogether to avoid stepping on glass, and there’s a ton of pressure being put on Patreon and its payment processors to the point where Patreon now claims officially that you can no longer post illustrated pornography with anime-style features[1]. I think it is, at best, scummy behavior to go and take someone’s opinion on this subject and use it to extrapolate on how they might be a predator in real life. Of course, something also common with both Kiwifarms and with the left-leaning internet is guilt by association. So god help you if you are friends with anyone who has a banned opinion. There are other preposterous logical conclusion jumps than just this one too! I don’t think any of them are as vicious because they are easier to call out as bullshit because you won’t be unilaterally shat on for defending pedophilia when doing so. In byuu’s case, though, I think this was the most egregious one. All in all, what Kiwifarms claims to do and I believe even what they think they do seems like it would not be all that bad; it almost seems a bit journalistic on its face. But as usual, the devil is in the details. Throwaway account for many reasons that are already obvious if you read this far. I am not mortified of being outed or anything, as I really do stand by my opinions, but I suspect there would be very little benefit to standing by it with my own name in this day and age. :( [1] https://twitter.com/waero_re/status/1238408555507539968 https://twitter.com/waero_re/status/1238408555507539968
asveikau 7y ago
Whatever it is, it wouldn't shock me if he were being too hard on himself. I have seen him comment here for instance, and I do not follow the scene at all, but many of those were interesting comments. I am only skimming the linked article elsewhere in the thread and it seems too hard on him too.

a_t48 7y ago

Good luck, byuu! Your emulation work is an inspiration. :) I'm jealous of your Tokyo move - I tried last year but failed to secure a work visa (only time being a college dropout has actually hurt me).

aidenn0 7y ago

Thank you byuu for all the work you've done. Be proud of what you've done, and good luck with your future endeavors!

btrask 7y ago

(For those who don't know, Byuu is a member here and will likely see comments in this thread.) Hi Byuu. You don't know me, but I've been a fan of your work since the early days of bsnes. I've also seen at least some of your "detractors'" criticisms, while lurking. (My "favorite" was that you don't know enough math to emulate the 3D graphics of the N64, because you didn't stay in school. I didn't know they taught how to write SNES emulators in school either... Maybe I was sick that day.) Anyway... Please don't be too hard on yourself. I think you're more mature than most(?) of your critics, and more importantly, you've made several comments and actions that make me think you have a genuine desire to self-improve. Social graces seem to come more naturally to some people than others. The rest of us have to work it out for ourselves. You're a smart person, so I know you can do this if you devote the time to it. Of course, thinking of yourself as smart tends to be an obstacle, and the journey tends to start where you least expect it. If you'll allow me to give a word of caution, avoid distractions. Spend some time by yourself pulling back from people online, and not writing code either. There are problems in life that no amount of code can help. If you really want to solve this, don't get too caught up in exploring Tokyo either. :) I'm sorry if bsnes/higan hasn't made you happy, but if you still have some energy left, I know you can find a way to get what you really want out of life. Thanks for your incredible effort, and godspeed.

byuu 7y ago
Working on bsnes and higan were the things that made me most happy. Well, bug hunting was of course stressful but the joy of fixing a bug and seeing new games running was always well worth it! I'm definitely going to miss it a lot. It was everything else that was a problem. If I could have just been left alone to code in peace and without all these pesky health and work issues, I'd be very happy to continue. I think I still have a ways to go on the self-improvement, but it's hit a point where I think I need a few months' break to go at it offline, and maybe let my hands rest a while from typing so much. I ended up coming back to things the last two bouts of depression, so we'll see. Thanks for the kind words, take care as well!
- derefr 7y ago
  > Working on bsnes and higan were the things that made me most happy. What about this work made you happy? What was the reward? You might be able to capture it in a different way. I don’t get the sense that it was something to do with making the people who used your emulators happy, per se, so probably “solving someone’s problem and seeing them light up” isn’t going to do it for you. I’d guess that helping to conserve other artistic expressions [to ensure people can experience them the same way they did on the original hardware, long after you’re gone] would make you happy? Especially if you could use your specialized knowledge and experience to do so, in a way where it’s not necessarily true that anyone else would have come along to do the same thing if you hadn’t done it. Perhaps you could volunteer in a consulting/advisory capacity for some of the Archive.org software-library preservation projects? Not so much programming, as pointing out the pitfalls in the architectural decisions of what other people are programming. Like a software security consultant, but for “ensuring the original work is conserved and reproduced with 100% fidelity” instead of “ensuring nobody can exploit the software.”

honkycat 7y ago

I totally feel the "I hate that my only talent is computer programming." I am in the exact same boat. I really don't even like the career anymore, other than the money, which I would trade in a heart-beat for a stable job that allowed more leisure time and made OK money. I worked extremely hard on a start-up for half of my 20s and I ended up with basically nothing to show for it. Employers do not seem that interested in my start-up, they want "People with experience scaling large systems." Whoops. Now I'm sending out my CV and I'm not getting many bites.

beefhash 7y ago
The job market has been very hard on everyone lately. And looking at current event, I don't think that's going to improve in the foreseeable future.
- deleted 7y ago
  [deleted]
flashgordon 7y ago
Please please dont be hard on yourself. I actually "wasted" my 20s (and most of my 30s) in startups and "learning". But employers really dont care for this (I am in a FAANG hiring committee) and are no different than recruiters who care more for nothing more than the latest buzz words ("scaling distributed systems"). What is worse is even startups who are meant to value diversity/breadth of skills are doing the same. But would I trade my breadth of knowledge and learning. Nope. Would I try to become a one-trick-pony? Not at all. Do I still code - Yep totally but on things I care about and enjoy rather than on a yet-another-engagement-driver while also building up on other hobbies. Also where are you based? DM me if you are looking at roles in the bay-area. (Unfortunately as much as Id hate to see it die, leetcode is unavoidable at a FAANG interview :) ).

Mindless2112 7y ago

I'll believe byuu cares about preserving history when he's stopped blocking the Wayback Machine from archiving his site. Edit: The good work someone has done is no excuse for anything. > The problem is that the internet is not like any other time in human history: everything we ever say and do gets recorded and indexed, all readily available to anyone curious, for all of time. This is new, and it's something that society has not really adapted to yet. I think we will reach that point in a generation or two. But right now, it seems impossible to be forgiven for our past mistakes. They all add up and weigh us down like an albatross around our necks. Stay around on the internet long enough, and it will eventually crush even the best of us. > I could go back and read the things written about me from 2015 by people I've since made peace with and anger myself again. But that's not who they are today: that's who they were. > People change. I'm embarrassed myself seeing how I've acted in the past. I don't stand behind much of my old writing, some of it literally decades old now. I've been online since I was a teenager; obviously not everything has aged well. You don't have to forget the past, but you have to be willing to give people second chances in life. Like all perfectionists, he's found that he's not always happy with his past self. He wants an undo button for reality. He knows he can't have it but is still unable to accept it. Even now.

DeepYogurt 7y ago
Byuu has done immeasurable good for the preservation of video games. Who cares if he doesn't want every forum squabble recorded forever.
nayuki 7y ago
Same. It seems he's also blocking other archiver tools by showing "Please click the button below to enter byuu.org: [I am not a robot button]": https://archive.vn/NYreE https://archive.vn/NYreE
- rsynnott 7y ago
  If a site disobeys robots.txt, I see no particular issue in taking further measures to dissuade it.

matheusmoreira 7y ago

Thank you for everything you've accomplished. The world is immeasurably richer because of you and everyone who helped make these accurate emulators a reality.

nonbirithm 7y ago

I think an important facet of open source is portraying the right expectations. I feel like I have an inverse problem to the one the author describes. Personally I work on projects for a really long time in private, not having to worry about dealing with other people since everything is done by me only, and wonder how I should eventually portray the project to the public. My motivation to do things shifts wildly from week to week, and I can spend months at a time on one single project and suddenly just stop cold one day as if it never happened. I keep wondering how that's compatible with involving yourself with the community, if they'll wonder where I'm at a month from now. In my case the project is specifically meant for contribution for other people or it won't take off (a mod system) so it feels inevitable I'd have to do it some day. But I don't know if I can keep it up after it's announced without getting burnt out by interacting with people, and delivering on the things I want to accomplish. I'm reminded of the author of uBlock Origin specifically refusing donations for this reason, to ensure he feels no sense of responsibility to "make good" on what people give him. He also mentions the same motivation issue. I have at one point been in a spot where I've worked on something with a similar amount of zeal for months on end, literally every single day, then dropped it out of nowhere, then had someone come up to me and ask me to finish it with them, and then literally being unable to get myself to write more code. Like, I was sitting at the screen, doing nothing at all for hours, unable to bring myself to care. Even though this person reached out to me personally over one of my projects, which had never happened before in my life, and I liked their company! Part of me still wanted it to be finished too. But I just didn't feel like it anymore. I feel a lot of guilt over that, still. So I know I have been in that spot before. I keep working at my current projects though, regardless of the amount of progress. It's just an interesting hobby right now, if a somewhat obsessive one. I'm always reminded of the portrayal of Robert Graysmith in the film Zodiac, where he explains he does so much investigation into the titular case "because nobody else will." That's exactly how I feel with my long-term projects. Perhaps byuu felt the same at some point. Maybe that attitude is what got me this far all along. Still, so many times I feel like I'm just grasping at straws or not making the progress I want. But giving it to the community leaves a sense of obligation if I have these goals that are still left unfulfilled, which I easily end up imagining worst-case leading into whatever drama of "such and such project not doing what it envisions." And of course I will never expect someone to pick up the torch, tempting as it feels. They could, but in the end it's their choice, and I have no right to obligate them. This thought bothers me a lot. What reminded me of this in relation to the article specifically was the author's mention of wishing he could just code in peace without all the extra baggage surrounding the project and other things in his life he describes. Currently I would describe myself as "coding in peace," it being closed-source at the moment, and I'm wondering if I'll end up getting myself into all that someday. Then again, the alternative feels like wandering aimlessly in this solitary coding marathon for months on end at a glacial rate of progress, not quite knowing if my designs or implementations are the "right" way to advance the project, which feels equally troublesome. I don't feel smart (or perhaps arrogant) enough to believe that outright. And also, wasn't I supposed to use this thing if it does get finished? Otherwise why spend so long coding it up at all? After a while this cycle of thinking wears me out. I can totally understand the author's feelings, even if they aren't quite caused by the same reasons. It's a lot of time spent on a small amount of things, in the pursuit of these potentially lofty goals. I guess it's necessary to step back every once in a while and reframe things. That doesn't even go into careers, which is a different boat entirely. All that might have been a random tangent. It's just a thought I've been mulling over. Anyway, I should say this: Thanks, byuu, for all your contributions to the emulation scene over the years. Give yourself a good block of vacation and go explore Tokyo sometime. You deserve it.

srtjstjsj 7y ago

Another soul lost due to their inability to prevent letting anonymous assholes make them feel bad.

byuu 7y ago
I give you my word, they've had a go at me online since 1998. I'm not worried about criticism directed my way. I mostly deserved it anyway. But they went after my friends. Someone on an imageboard compiled a list of my friends' real names, photographs they had posted, locations where they lived ... really creepy stuff. I'm stepping down because I don't want my personal friends and the dozens of volunteers who helped develop my emulators caught in the crossfire.
- DoreenMichele 7y ago
  I have no idea who you are, but I'm sorry to hear this. People can be truly awful and I wish the world had fewer obsessed, creepy stalker types in it.

serf 7y ago

Byuu. Thanks for the technical effort. I've always been impressed by bsnes.

reassembled 7y ago

Byuu, your code base is awesome and I've been studying it a lot lately. I'm not programming emulators, I'm studying your architectural design more than anything. Your passion and dedication really shows. Best of luck in your future. I've also had bouts of RSI and it can really be frustrating, especially when what you do shapes so much of how one thinks of oneself, and that starts to whittle away.

byuu 7y ago
Thank you kindly! The structural design aspects of programming was one of my favorite parts. I may've gone a bit too far in the final releases of higan with the reference-counted tree to describe system states (specifically serializing the tree is quite involved), but I'm still really happy with the result ^-^; Hopefully a respite from coding in my spare time will help my hands recover a bit.

byuu 7y ago

I'll take my leave from HN as well now. It's truly been an honor! I've always greatly appreciated the links to my articles shared here, and the discussions with everyone on these and other submissions on the site. I'm hoping to return one day when things settle down a bit in my life. Hopefully when that day comes I'll have some great new things to share. Until then, take care everyone!

Bananaman28 7y ago

Take care of yourself Byuu, I've always had nothing but respect for you and your work. Best of luck!