5 ms·

Sorry for your loss (Kelly) ... I was also a (Nittany) Lion and had a similar experience but it wasn't software based. In my second year, a good friend of mine

by smoyer 7y ago

Sorry for your loss (Kelly) ... I was also a (Nittany) Lion and had a similar experience but it wasn't software based. In my second year, a good friend of mine was killed in a car accident. She was a year ahead of me (and not in a STEM curriculum) but we ended up having three BDRs (Basic Degree Requirements - now GenEd at PSU) together that semester. In all three of those classes, no one told the professor what had happened and, knowing I was her friend (we sat together, worked on group projects together and left the room together), they naturally asked me where she was. That was a pretty tough question for an otherwise macho (the term at the time) 19 year-old to answer. I grew up pretty stoic (PA Dutch family - non-Amish) but here I sit 30+ years later and tear up a bit recounting this time of my life.

hinkley 7y ago
There are some cultural groups in North America where, in a time of crisis like this, Standard Operating Procedure is to bring food and company and let the affected person chose when or if to talk. You just sit and do something else, and if they need anything you're there, and if they want to talk about it they can, but they don't have to if they don't want to. It comes up as a joke trope in some movies, but I grew up around that sort and it's not inherently bad. It has a way of avoiding scenarios like the one you illustrated. I recall I was fairly young and we lost a family pet, and every time someone tried to console me by bringing it up it was like a doctor palpating an injury. Yes, we know it hurts, why are you touching it!? It felt a bit like it was happening all over again. It felt, to be honest, a bit cruel. If I had been in your situation, at that age, I might have written it down on a piece of paper, so I only had to get through admitting they were gone the one time on someone else's terms.

by smoyer 7y ago

hinkley 7y ago

There are some cultural groups in North America where, in a time of crisis like this, Standard Operating Procedure is to bring food and company and let the affected person chose when or if to talk. You just sit and do something else, and if they need anything you're there, and if they want to talk about it they can, but they don't have to if they don't want to. It comes up as a joke trope in some movies, but I grew up around that sort and it's not inherently bad. It has a way of avoiding scenarios like the one you illustrated. I recall I was fairly young and we lost a family pet, and every time someone tried to console me by bringing it up it was like a doctor palpating an injury. Yes, we know it hurts, why are you touching it!? It felt a bit like it was happening all over again. It felt, to be honest, a bit cruel. If I had been in your situation, at that age, I might have written it down on a piece of paper, so I only had to get through admitting they were gone the one time on someone else's terms.