3 ms·

To clarify, I don't share that dark view of humanity. I just think we value the wrong things in business. You shouldn't value someone who is friendly. You shoul

To clarify, I don't share that dark view of humanity. I just think we value the wrong things in business. You shouldn't value someone who is friendly. You should value decency in actions and general respectfulness. Nice is a red herring I observe greedy people using to land deals. More than anything, I wrote this for people to protect themselves.

JohnFen 7y ago
But in doing so, you are tarring a lot of people in business who are genuinely nice. You've set it out as a a bad thing, to be avoided. If your position is that "nice isn't sufficient", then I would agree entirely. If your position is that "nice is a red flag", then I could not disagree more. Singling out niceness as an indication of deception is a dark view of humanity. I would argue that the essay also has the potential of encouraging nice people to start faking meanness out of a fear that their niceness will make people think they're con artists.
- dumbfoundded 7y ago
  In social contexts, I view niceness almost entirely as positive. In business contexts, I think you have to be much more paranoid. In business, if the goal is to make money (usually it is), you generally want to avoid niceties and get to the real questions like: is this other party honest, reliable, has a solid history in their relationships. I see it as a red flag when someone trying to sell something or make money off a relationship with me is focused on how much I like them personally. Salesmen, in particular, try to connect to customers on a personal level with the minimal effort required to do so. And then leverage the positive feelings into a sale. I believe this is unethical and a risk. Especially for people that consider themselves kind. In the context of business, I prefer someone who is upfront about how they plan to make money from or with me and then accurately explains the value or roi they provide. I also have more information about my business than the other person. Maybe I share something that makes the partnership a bad idea from a business standpoint. At this point, I respect people who walk away and stay in touch for when that relationship would make sense.

JohnFen 7y ago

But in doing so, you are tarring a lot of people in business who are genuinely nice. You've set it out as a a bad thing, to be avoided. If your position is that "nice isn't sufficient", then I would agree entirely. If your position is that "nice is a red flag", then I could not disagree more. Singling out niceness as an indication of deception is a dark view of humanity. I would argue that the essay also has the potential of encouraging nice people to start faking meanness out of a fear that their niceness will make people think they're con artists.

dumbfoundded 7y ago
In social contexts, I view niceness almost entirely as positive. In business contexts, I think you have to be much more paranoid. In business, if the goal is to make money (usually it is), you generally want to avoid niceties and get to the real questions like: is this other party honest, reliable, has a solid history in their relationships. I see it as a red flag when someone trying to sell something or make money off a relationship with me is focused on how much I like them personally. Salesmen, in particular, try to connect to customers on a personal level with the minimal effort required to do so. And then leverage the positive feelings into a sale. I believe this is unethical and a risk. Especially for people that consider themselves kind. In the context of business, I prefer someone who is upfront about how they plan to make money from or with me and then accurately explains the value or roi they provide. I also have more information about my business than the other person. Maybe I share something that makes the partnership a bad idea from a business standpoint. At this point, I respect people who walk away and stay in touch for when that relationship would make sense.