good question. of course I got older which helped in bringing the inhibitions down which made me more aware of myself and of my own feelings. then going after t

good question. of course I got older which helped in bringing the inhibitions down which made me more aware of myself and of my own feelings. then going after those feelings and trying to figure out what they mean I slowly discovered what was behind them. for example, one day I was in a course and I felt miserable even before I was there. then suddenly it dawned on me that this is my aversion to the whole thing. it's not rational but irrational. once I knew what was going on the bad feeling went away quite quickly when as before I'd just suffer without end. before I was helpless, now when a negative feeling comes I try to guess what it could mean and often I find the answer quite quickly. once the source is identified, the bad feeling dissolves and I'm back to normal. and another important factor was that I started trying to live by the golden rule: "do unto others as you would have them do to you". the problem was that not to do this often caused a lot of the confusion in my life and my feelings. I don't think it would have been possible to figure it out while I was in this chaos caused by not following the golden rule. oh yeah, and the last thing that helped a lot is that I stopped going to therapists and took on responsibility, not relying on what others say about how I feel.