The only thing I think about is leisure time, vacation, indefinite amount of time in front of me with no obligations, commitments, or constraints to acquire res

The only thing I think about is leisure time, vacation, indefinite amount of time in front of me with no obligations, commitments, or constraints to acquire resources that meet my biological, psychological or social needs. Any behavior that I engage in that has productivity as a side effect that I rely on, ie to be paid money or to retrieve food or to nurture relationships, even if that productivity is not a conscious focus or stress, is inherently upsetting and painful to me. If I had complete financial and commitment freedom, I literally would not do anything (and that sounds amazing). I know myself well and have introspected on it very much, and truly I would not do anything if I could. I would just sit there like a bump on a log and watch nature. I would not spend time with people. I would not busy my mind on any kind of puzzle or reductionist exploration of nature or myself. I would just sit there for years and years and years. That’s all I want to do.