My feedback is the story itself has no flavor or personality to it. It’s essentially “we’ve worked in this space all our careers and then decided to start a com

My feedback is the story itself has no flavor or personality to it. It’s essentially “we’ve worked in this space all our careers and then decided to start a company.” What I would suggest is to add your personalities and some interesting details to it. Something like “Fred started out as an intern at a lightbulb factory and soon realized he loved making things more efficient.”