4 ms·

I'm pretty sure the therapist's advice was bad, too. First, it labels the recipient as a psycho unfit for a normal life (like having a relationship). Second, no

by Tichy 16y ago

I'm pretty sure the therapist's advice was bad, too. First, it labels the recipient as a psycho unfit for a normal life (like having a relationship). Second, nobody is ever ready for a relationship. I mean it would be stupid to wait until you have become that perfect saint who is fit for a relationship. I presume this includes internalizing Erich Fromm's "Art of Loving" and shedding all earthly and selfish desires. For one thing, it is probably difficult to become "ready for a relationship" without actually practicing being in a relationship. Read and meditate all you want, I think growing within a relationship should beat that in effectiveness. Oh yeah, you can practice with your therapist? That advice is good for the therapist, as it actually says "you should be dependent on me indefinitely".

stcredzero 16y ago
I'm pretty sure the therapist's advice was bad, too. First, it labels the recipient as a psycho unfit for a normal life (like having a relationship). I've had many friends who were psychos unfit for normal life right after they'd had a particularly bad break up. Example: One friend who, shortly after a serious break-up, did lots of LSD, then went out late at night in the dead of winter and ground his front teeth on the iced-over asphalt in the middle of the street and required two burly friends to drag him back inside. (After the fact, he said something about knowing, "It would feel so neat!") Some years after, he's in a great relationship with a great woman, happy, and getting good grades. It would not have been a good idea for him to go out with someone right then! That advice is good for the therapist, as it actually says "you should be dependent on me indefinitely". Therapists do tend towards that, despite what they say. A year is a bit excessive for many. I've heard 6 months. I think 3 to 6 months is a good idea for some people. A lot of guys I've known say they feel like there's a "Loser" sign on their foreheads for that interval of time after they break up, anyhow. They can't date someone for about that long anyways, until they get their confidence back. Someone who's a serial relationship love junkie? Maybe a year's a good idea.
potatolicious 16y ago
I think we're being way too harsh on the therapist. For one thing, we don't even know anything about what this woman was going through - there are a a lot of circumstances I can think of where that sort of advice is sound. Maybe she's grieving or needs to come to terms with some loss, but instead of doing so she keeps burying herself with busywork - new job, new relationship, new house... Or maybe she came out of a terrible relationship recently and just needs some single-time. God knows I've been there - you're hurtin' and you feel like jumping on board the next boat that sails by, but it's better if you didn't. The list can go on. Either way, she could've been blowing him off, or she could've been honest. We'll never know and this is all idle speculation; it's even more pointless to speculate as to what the therapist was doing without more information.
- Tichy 16y ago
  Granted, it might be a good idea for some people, especially if serial relationships are their way of distracting themselves from their real problems. I guess I have just heard that advice being handed out too often and too lightheartedly.

by Tichy 16y ago

stcredzero 16y ago

I'm pretty sure the therapist's advice was bad, too. First, it labels the recipient as a psycho unfit for a normal life (like having a relationship). I've had many friends who were psychos unfit for normal life right after they'd had a particularly bad break up. Example: One friend who, shortly after a serious break-up, did lots of LSD, then went out late at night in the dead of winter and ground his front teeth on the iced-over asphalt in the middle of the street and required two burly friends to drag him back inside. (After the fact, he said something about knowing, "It would feel so neat!") Some years after, he's in a great relationship with a great woman, happy, and getting good grades. It would not have been a good idea for him to go out with someone right then! That advice is good for the therapist, as it actually says "you should be dependent on me indefinitely". Therapists do tend towards that, despite what they say. A year is a bit excessive for many. I've heard 6 months. I think 3 to 6 months is a good idea for some people. A lot of guys I've known say they feel like there's a "Loser" sign on their foreheads for that interval of time after they break up, anyhow. They can't date someone for about that long anyways, until they get their confidence back. Someone who's a serial relationship love junkie? Maybe a year's a good idea.

potatolicious 16y ago

I think we're being way too harsh on the therapist. For one thing, we don't even know anything about what this woman was going through - there are a a lot of circumstances I can think of where that sort of advice is sound. Maybe she's grieving or needs to come to terms with some loss, but instead of doing so she keeps burying herself with busywork - new job, new relationship, new house... Or maybe she came out of a terrible relationship recently and just needs some single-time. God knows I've been there - you're hurtin' and you feel like jumping on board the next boat that sails by, but it's better if you didn't. The list can go on. Either way, she could've been blowing him off, or she could've been honest. We'll never know and this is all idle speculation; it's even more pointless to speculate as to what the therapist was doing without more information.

Tichy 16y ago
Granted, it might be a good idea for some people, especially if serial relationships are their way of distracting themselves from their real problems. I guess I have just heard that advice being handed out too often and too lightheartedly.