5 ms·

Wherein my Kiss was Rejected

94 points by jaltucher 16y ago

deleted 16y ago
[deleted]
- jaltucher 16y ago
  Well, fortunately I don't think any of the above items are good ideas. But, just speaking from my own experience, the list in the article is a most positive list for shaking things up in life. Particularly if you are feeling at a crossroads.
  - jaltucher 16y ago
    I should add that i have done several things on the above commenter's list and they did not work out as well as the items on the list in the article.
- stcredzero 16y ago
  4. Commit a senseless violent act against an innocent bystander and enjoy the excitement of an extended manhunt. Much safer to start a flamewar online.
  - zackattack 16y ago
    much better to just punch someone in the face in real life. you get the stress relief benefits, especially if you win. and if you lose, the endogenous opioids should kick in and have you feeling reaaaal nice.
    - ojbyrne 16y ago
      In high school my best friend and I decided to have a fight just because we had never been in one (there was alcohol involved). He hit me, I hit him, he fell down. We went back to drinking.
      - stcredzero 16y ago
        A coworker of mine was a submariner during the Vietnam war. (Old diesel electric re-purposed as a hydrophone platform.) He knew a fellow sailor who liked to get drunk, start giggling like he was a silly schoolkid, look for the toughest guy in the bar, go up to him and slug him. This wasn't just an occasional thing, it was every shore leave. He always got the crap beat out of him, and he was always giggling about it. Maybe it was those endogenous opioids? It got so his fellow sailors would know it would happen, so two guys always went with him to drag him out of the place when it started. (They had to wait until he already fixated on that other guy, so they wouldn't be his target, which would possibly involve awkward involvement with the military discipline system.)
      - nostrademons 16y ago
        Sounds like Fight Club.
simonsarris 16y ago
As a swimmer of rivers I'm not sure you should literally tell people to go jumping in rivers (though swimming around on the edge is fine). Literally jumping in to a river might be exciting to do but its also a quick way to die if you aren't prepared for that sort of thing.
- jaltucher 16y ago
  Correct. It just so happens near my house there is a microscopic beach along the hudson river where people can swim. On a day i really needed it, I jumped in the river. I hadn't swum in years. And it was nice.
highlander 16y ago
I liked a lot of these, but I am really uncomfortable with the idea of begging when you don't need to. You're lying to the people who donate to you and you could be depriving those who really needed that money. It would be better if you donated the proceeds to someone who really needs them.
- zackattack 16y ago
  OH MY GOD THIS KIND OF MICRO LEVEL DECEPTION PALES IN COMPARISON TO THE EGREGIOUS MONSTROSITIES TO WHICH YOU CONTRIBUTE DAY AFTER DAY
  - nostrademons 16y ago
    Steal a penny, you're a thief. Steal a nation, you're its chief.
- yardie 16y ago
  If someone asks me, I'll donate what I can (or what I feel like ATM). I stopped worrying about where the money was going and how it was to be used a long time ago. I figure karma will sort it out eventually.
  - shasta 16y ago
    Can you post your contact information? Thanks
stcredzero 16y ago
my therapist told me I can’t do three things over the next year: change where I live, change my job, and change my relationship status There are a lot of people who have had certain times in their life when they would really benefit from following this advice.
saturdaysaint 16y ago
Psychotherapy, which the author mentions in passing, is itself a pretty good suggestion in the "mixing things up" category. When we're looking for meaningful change, the truth is that a little bit of outside feedback and guidance is often what is needed the most to affect it. Even intelligent people tend to strongly gravitate to what is comfortable when left to their own devices.
- Qz 16y ago
  Some people ask me why I still go to therapy despite my life generally being pretty awesome right now. My response tends to be: exactly.
araneae 16y ago
I'm pretty sure this is bad advice. I say this as someone who has irresistible urges to "shake things up" when I'm going through rough patches. In fact, I think that desire is really common. I bet that's why this guy did all that stuff; he had the urge to do crazy things. But just because it's typical to have the urge to do crazy things when you're in a rough spot doesn't mean that you should do them, or that it will solve anything. In my experience there's a reason these things are called "crazy." I've ended in some pretty undesirable situations. The best consequences were several hundred dollars in fines. The worst could have left me in jail or dead. Giving someone like me permission to do crazy things is not good.
- Tichy 16y ago
  I'm pretty sure the therapist's advice was bad, too. First, it labels the recipient as a psycho unfit for a normal life (like having a relationship). Second, nobody is ever ready for a relationship. I mean it would be stupid to wait until you have become that perfect saint who is fit for a relationship. I presume this includes internalizing Erich Fromm's "Art of Loving" and shedding all earthly and selfish desires. For one thing, it is probably difficult to become "ready for a relationship" without actually practicing being in a relationship. Read and meditate all you want, I think growing within a relationship should beat that in effectiveness. Oh yeah, you can practice with your therapist? That advice is good for the therapist, as it actually says "you should be dependent on me indefinitely".
  - stcredzero 16y ago
    I'm pretty sure the therapist's advice was bad, too. First, it labels the recipient as a psycho unfit for a normal life (like having a relationship). I've had many friends who were psychos unfit for normal life right after they'd had a particularly bad break up. Example: One friend who, shortly after a serious break-up, did lots of LSD, then went out late at night in the dead of winter and ground his front teeth on the iced-over asphalt in the middle of the street and required two burly friends to drag him back inside. (After the fact, he said something about knowing, "It would feel so neat!") Some years after, he's in a great relationship with a great woman, happy, and getting good grades. It would not have been a good idea for him to go out with someone right then! That advice is good for the therapist, as it actually says "you should be dependent on me indefinitely". Therapists do tend towards that, despite what they say. A year is a bit excessive for many. I've heard 6 months. I think 3 to 6 months is a good idea for some people. A lot of guys I've known say they feel like there's a "Loser" sign on their foreheads for that interval of time after they break up, anyhow. They can't date someone for about that long anyways, until they get their confidence back. Someone who's a serial relationship love junkie? Maybe a year's a good idea.
hasenj 16y ago
"a 25 hour day", I sometimes live a 36+ hour day: (10 + x) hours of sleep + (12 + 4 + y) hours of waking.
tomkarlo 16y ago
Missing: don't waste your time reading stupid-self help lists. Go build something, real or virtual.
abraham 16y ago
> Return some emails from 2005 My favorite.
Qz 16y ago
I feel like I should be trying the 24 hour day to 'shake things up' a little bit.
nyellin 16y ago
Last month I actually tried 26-hour days, shifting westwards at the rate of 2 timezones/day. Whenever someone asked me how I was or what time it was, I would give them the name of a country whose timezone I was currently on. Up until now, I was certain that I had invented the concept myself.

94 points by jaltucher 16y ago

deleted 16y ago

[deleted]

jaltucher 16y ago
Well, fortunately I don't think any of the above items are good ideas. But, just speaking from my own experience, the list in the article is a most positive list for shaking things up in life. Particularly if you are feeling at a crossroads.
- jaltucher 16y ago
  I should add that i have done several things on the above commenter's list and they did not work out as well as the items on the list in the article.
stcredzero 16y ago
4. Commit a senseless violent act against an innocent bystander and enjoy the excitement of an extended manhunt. Much safer to start a flamewar online.
- zackattack 16y ago
  much better to just punch someone in the face in real life. you get the stress relief benefits, especially if you win. and if you lose, the endogenous opioids should kick in and have you feeling reaaaal nice.
  - ojbyrne 16y ago
    In high school my best friend and I decided to have a fight just because we had never been in one (there was alcohol involved). He hit me, I hit him, he fell down. We went back to drinking.
    - stcredzero 16y ago
      A coworker of mine was a submariner during the Vietnam war. (Old diesel electric re-purposed as a hydrophone platform.) He knew a fellow sailor who liked to get drunk, start giggling like he was a silly schoolkid, look for the toughest guy in the bar, go up to him and slug him. This wasn't just an occasional thing, it was every shore leave. He always got the crap beat out of him, and he was always giggling about it. Maybe it was those endogenous opioids? It got so his fellow sailors would know it would happen, so two guys always went with him to drag him out of the place when it started. (They had to wait until he already fixated on that other guy, so they wouldn't be his target, which would possibly involve awkward involvement with the military discipline system.)
    - nostrademons 16y ago
      Sounds like Fight Club.

simonsarris 16y ago

As a swimmer of rivers I'm not sure you should literally tell people to go jumping in rivers (though swimming around on the edge is fine). Literally jumping in to a river might be exciting to do but its also a quick way to die if you aren't prepared for that sort of thing.

jaltucher 16y ago
Correct. It just so happens near my house there is a microscopic beach along the hudson river where people can swim. On a day i really needed it, I jumped in the river. I hadn't swum in years. And it was nice.

highlander 16y ago

I liked a lot of these, but I am really uncomfortable with the idea of begging when you don't need to. You're lying to the people who donate to you and you could be depriving those who really needed that money. It would be better if you donated the proceeds to someone who really needs them.

zackattack 16y ago
OH MY GOD THIS KIND OF MICRO LEVEL DECEPTION PALES IN COMPARISON TO THE EGREGIOUS MONSTROSITIES TO WHICH YOU CONTRIBUTE DAY AFTER DAY
- nostrademons 16y ago
  Steal a penny, you're a thief. Steal a nation, you're its chief.
yardie 16y ago
If someone asks me, I'll donate what I can (or what I feel like ATM). I stopped worrying about where the money was going and how it was to be used a long time ago. I figure karma will sort it out eventually.
- shasta 16y ago
  Can you post your contact information? Thanks

stcredzero 16y ago

my therapist told me I can’t do three things over the next year: change where I live, change my job, and change my relationship status There are a lot of people who have had certain times in their life when they would really benefit from following this advice.

saturdaysaint 16y ago

Psychotherapy, which the author mentions in passing, is itself a pretty good suggestion in the "mixing things up" category. When we're looking for meaningful change, the truth is that a little bit of outside feedback and guidance is often what is needed the most to affect it. Even intelligent people tend to strongly gravitate to what is comfortable when left to their own devices.

Qz 16y ago
Some people ask me why I still go to therapy despite my life generally being pretty awesome right now. My response tends to be: exactly.

araneae 16y ago

I'm pretty sure this is bad advice. I say this as someone who has irresistible urges to "shake things up" when I'm going through rough patches. In fact, I think that desire is really common. I bet that's why this guy did all that stuff; he had the urge to do crazy things. But just because it's typical to have the urge to do crazy things when you're in a rough spot doesn't mean that you should do them, or that it will solve anything. In my experience there's a reason these things are called "crazy." I've ended in some pretty undesirable situations. The best consequences were several hundred dollars in fines. The worst could have left me in jail or dead. Giving someone like me permission to do crazy things is not good.

Tichy 16y ago
I'm pretty sure the therapist's advice was bad, too. First, it labels the recipient as a psycho unfit for a normal life (like having a relationship). Second, nobody is ever ready for a relationship. I mean it would be stupid to wait until you have become that perfect saint who is fit for a relationship. I presume this includes internalizing Erich Fromm's "Art of Loving" and shedding all earthly and selfish desires. For one thing, it is probably difficult to become "ready for a relationship" without actually practicing being in a relationship. Read and meditate all you want, I think growing within a relationship should beat that in effectiveness. Oh yeah, you can practice with your therapist? That advice is good for the therapist, as it actually says "you should be dependent on me indefinitely".
- stcredzero 16y ago
  I'm pretty sure the therapist's advice was bad, too. First, it labels the recipient as a psycho unfit for a normal life (like having a relationship). I've had many friends who were psychos unfit for normal life right after they'd had a particularly bad break up. Example: One friend who, shortly after a serious break-up, did lots of LSD, then went out late at night in the dead of winter and ground his front teeth on the iced-over asphalt in the middle of the street and required two burly friends to drag him back inside. (After the fact, he said something about knowing, "It would feel so neat!") Some years after, he's in a great relationship with a great woman, happy, and getting good grades. It would not have been a good idea for him to go out with someone right then! That advice is good for the therapist, as it actually says "you should be dependent on me indefinitely". Therapists do tend towards that, despite what they say. A year is a bit excessive for many. I've heard 6 months. I think 3 to 6 months is a good idea for some people. A lot of guys I've known say they feel like there's a "Loser" sign on their foreheads for that interval of time after they break up, anyhow. They can't date someone for about that long anyways, until they get their confidence back. Someone who's a serial relationship love junkie? Maybe a year's a good idea.

hasenj 16y ago

"a 25 hour day", I sometimes live a 36+ hour day: (10 + x) hours of sleep + (12 + 4 + y) hours of waking.

tomkarlo 16y ago

Missing: don't waste your time reading stupid-self help lists. Go build something, real or virtual.

abraham 16y ago

> Return some emails from 2005 My favorite.

Qz 16y ago

I feel like I should be trying the 24 hour day to 'shake things up' a little bit.

nyellin 16y ago

Last month I actually tried 26-hour days, shifting westwards at the rate of 2 timezones/day. Whenever someone asked me how I was or what time it was, I would give them the name of a country whose timezone I was currently on. Up until now, I was certain that I had invented the concept myself.