4 ms·

this may be a low emotional intelligence take, but I've often thought that dating and hiring are fairly similar problems. you're almost suggesting that people s

this may be a low emotional intelligence take, but I've often thought that dating and hiring are fairly similar problems. you're almost suggesting that people submit dating resumes and cover letters for consideration. on the one hand it seems strange that we don't use even the weakest signals used by hiring managers when we search for potential matches. on the other hand, this would obviously take a lot of the "humanity" (for lack of a better word) out of the process. for what it's worth, I've never really encountered issues with people outright lying or seriously misrepresenting themselves on dating apps. the people I've met up with were more or less "as advertised". I think the problem is more that a couple pictures and a short bio just aren't a lot to go on for judging compatibility. also in my experience, people tend to have a list of things they definitely don't want in a partner, but don't actually know what they do want. all my successful long-term relationships have been with people I knew for a while before I ever considered dating them. I never considered them an obvious match upon meeting them.

yomly 7y ago
They are similar. People who deny this are overly romantic and/or inexperienced. Fundamentally when you encounter a potential partner or employee/r you are trying to answer the question "will we work well together" Then both sides are trying get to simultaneously evaluate the other person (aka "get to know them") while trying to make a good first impression (aka "just be your self" and "act confident") There's nothing shady about this and there's nothing sad or inhumane or unromantic about this either. It's just human nature "oh but there are so many companies where the employee/employer balance is totally skewed" I hear you say? Sure Google will make you run some 6 month long gauntlet. Have you ever tried hitting on the hottest person in a bar when the ratio is already skewed against you? What about if you are John Carmack or Peter Norvig? Do you think they had to invert a binary tree on a whiteboard? Just as there is someone out there who will find you the perfect match for them (but they just haven't found you yet) so too is there the perfect company/team out there for you too. The problem is discovery. Imo tinder was best in a lot of ways simply because by being the one most people used, you had the greatest diversity by virtue of pure numbers So you could find that person who is a liberal but eats meat daily and knits while watching UFC
- why_only_15 7y ago
  Generally the point of hiring is to determine someone's skills, which is a lot more standardizable across an entire industry than compatibility with a particular person is. This is how something like Triplebyte can exist.
  - edw 7y ago
    Triplebyte is doing the dating app equivalent of criminal background checks. It abjectly failed to find a match for me (despite passing the programming eval with flying colors) because none of the matches resulted in any sparks, to use the dating term of art.
  - MakeUsersWant 7y ago
    Good relationships also take skills, such as: romance, understanding your spouse's point of view and what matters to them, maintaining the right equlibrum of intimacy and independence, being reliable, clearly expressing your own needs and making it emotionally safe for your partner to express theirs, conflict resolution, facing unpleasant truths, teamwork, respecting consent not just in sex, sexual communication, compromising on life plans, attachment style, staying mentally healthy, keeping the magic alive, etc. You can probably test for those skills. I'm curious how. Of course, you also need compatibility. But I have a hunch that's both overrated and easier to check for on a date.

yomly 7y ago

They are similar. People who deny this are overly romantic and/or inexperienced. Fundamentally when you encounter a potential partner or employee/r you are trying to answer the question "will we work well together" Then both sides are trying get to simultaneously evaluate the other person (aka "get to know them") while trying to make a good first impression (aka "just be your self" and "act confident") There's nothing shady about this and there's nothing sad or inhumane or unromantic about this either. It's just human nature "oh but there are so many companies where the employee/employer balance is totally skewed" I hear you say? Sure Google will make you run some 6 month long gauntlet. Have you ever tried hitting on the hottest person in a bar when the ratio is already skewed against you? What about if you are John Carmack or Peter Norvig? Do you think they had to invert a binary tree on a whiteboard? Just as there is someone out there who will find you the perfect match for them (but they just haven't found you yet) so too is there the perfect company/team out there for you too. The problem is discovery. Imo tinder was best in a lot of ways simply because by being the one most people used, you had the greatest diversity by virtue of pure numbers So you could find that person who is a liberal but eats meat daily and knits while watching UFC

why_only_15 7y ago
Generally the point of hiring is to determine someone's skills, which is a lot more standardizable across an entire industry than compatibility with a particular person is. This is how something like Triplebyte can exist.
- edw 7y ago
  Triplebyte is doing the dating app equivalent of criminal background checks. It abjectly failed to find a match for me (despite passing the programming eval with flying colors) because none of the matches resulted in any sparks, to use the dating term of art.
- MakeUsersWant 7y ago
  Good relationships also take skills, such as: romance, understanding your spouse's point of view and what matters to them, maintaining the right equlibrum of intimacy and independence, being reliable, clearly expressing your own needs and making it emotionally safe for your partner to express theirs, conflict resolution, facing unpleasant truths, teamwork, respecting consent not just in sex, sexual communication, compromising on life plans, attachment style, staying mentally healthy, keeping the magic alive, etc. You can probably test for those skills. I'm curious how. Of course, you also need compatibility. But I have a hunch that's both overrated and easier to check for on a date.