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Ask HN: Why do I constantly unlearn the most useful lessons?
An example for a lesson i've paid very much learning is that problems disappear when enough light shines on them, meaning, focusing on problems instead of ignoring them makes them go away.
This is true for being overweight, having moneyproblems or relationship issues, all problems i have solved in the past just by focusing on them.
My problem is, i know this, but i still find myself stopping to check my bankaccount if i suspect that its negative, i still find myself convincing myself that my relationship will work better if i just show enough patience over the rough spots and i still catch myself thinking that gaining a little weight isn't something that deserves my attention.
How do i get myself not to fall into old habits/thought patterns over and over again?
- Mz 16y agoA) Get burned badly enough that letting things slide "just a little" becomes a personal Taboo. B) Surround yourself with folks who have a problem-solving orientation and are not content with "good enough". This is much harder to accomplish than A is. Such people are often social outcasts and annoying to put up with. I guess that could lead to: C) create your own personal subculture where such annoying, socially unacceptable traits are acceptable and where there are rubrics for how to smooth things when someone says/does all those annoying things (like points out your shortcomings). This seems to be something I have accomplished with my adult sons and it's wonderful. Peace and good luck.
- wallflower 16y agoHave you looked into Zen? Zen is all about focusing on the present moment so you are fully alive. From one of the personal development books I've read, put a rubber band around your wrist. Everytime you catch yourself thinking something that relates to an old though pattern, snap the rubber band. If the rubber band breaks, replace it. Stop trying to improve n areas, focus on one or two areas (ideally one). The hardest areas to improve on are the ones where you have strong feelings (against improvement) or apathy (no feeling - but maybe strong feeling that nothing can be done). Accountability is huge - just having a friend to talk to about shared goals, working on a shared project will do wonders. For example, when I was training for my first triathlon, my training buddy Craig would text or email - 'Meet up at the Y at 5:30 Thursday'. And I would say 'Sure'. Whatever happened between the intervening time period, both of us would have to drag ourselves out of bed to get to the Y at 5:30 in the morning for a morning swim - otherwise, we'd be letting the other person down. If a tree falls in a forest and no one is there, does anyone hear it? Probably no. But if you let down a buddy or a friend, they'll let you know and you'll know (so that you probably won't let it happen in the first place).
- eengstrom 16y agoSelf-esteem is often the root of most cyclically self-destructive behaviors. It may be that you may know the right thing to do for any given problem, but find yourself unable to resolve them when dealing with yourself and your own happiness, health and security. I recommend counseling for anyone struggling with repeat habits that are self-destructive or self-defeating. Simply having someone outside your circle, able to help you explore the underlying motivations and challenges can result in massive quality of life improvements in a short period of time.
- gohat 16y agoAssume you have little willpower, and set up if and then statements. a) Little willpower: we react to our environment. Think you have limited willpower then act to create an envrionment which supports your good behaviors. b) Plan using 'if then' thinking. Studies show that this conditional approach is the key to getting things done. For example, If I see the delicious unhealthy item on sale for $5 at Store X, then I do behavior Y.