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I guess what’s strange to me is not the idea that, as you become more committed to a person you discover their flaws and the relationship gets worse. That seems

I guess what’s strange to me is not the idea that, as you become more committed to a person you discover their flaws and the relationship gets worse. That seems self evident to me and seems to be a common theme both in theory and in practice. But how many marriages resolve with discovering the person is way better than you imagined? I’m not familiar with this, either through the idealism of poetry or romantic movies, nor through practical experience provided by observing marriages around me. I thought most people assume that you have a honeymoon phase and hopefully that never ends.

benjohnson 7y ago
In my opinion a marriage is a safe place to raise children - the transformation from 'self' to 'family' can be an extraordinarily joyful and fulfilling experience.
reaperducer 7y ago
That seems self evident to me and seems to be a common theme both in theory and in practice. Only if everything you know about marriage and family you learn from television and the internet. But how many marriages resolve with discovering the person is way better than you imagined? My guess is almost all of them, because as people grow older, they grow wiser, more interesting, smarter, and have more life experiences on which to draw. My wife today is not the person I married, and I'm happy for that because I've had the privilege of seeing her grow and become a better person. I the person I was back then met her today, I wouldn't even consider her in my league.
libraryatnight 7y ago
A happy marriage over time becomes something that's hard to describe completely and I don't think it's ever what people imagine - it can be what is imagined, but it's also something else. His point isn't that the person is "better" than you imagined (though they are different from the time you marry them, that growth is part of the beauty), it's that the marriage is blissful in ways you never foresaw. His analogy is good, imo.
empath75 7y ago
observing marriages and watching movies about marriages probably tells you as much about marriage as watching movies about computers and watching people type on computers will tell you about programming.
UncleMeat 7y ago
> But how many marriages resolve with discovering the person is way better than you imagined? Mine for sure. Keeps getting better and better as we grow closer. I find this to be the case in many happy relationships.

benjohnson 7y ago

In my opinion a marriage is a safe place to raise children - the transformation from 'self' to 'family' can be an extraordinarily joyful and fulfilling experience.

reaperducer 7y ago

That seems self evident to me and seems to be a common theme both in theory and in practice. Only if everything you know about marriage and family you learn from television and the internet. But how many marriages resolve with discovering the person is way better than you imagined? My guess is almost all of them, because as people grow older, they grow wiser, more interesting, smarter, and have more life experiences on which to draw. My wife today is not the person I married, and I'm happy for that because I've had the privilege of seeing her grow and become a better person. I the person I was back then met her today, I wouldn't even consider her in my league.

libraryatnight 7y ago

A happy marriage over time becomes something that's hard to describe completely and I don't think it's ever what people imagine - it can be what is imagined, but it's also something else. His point isn't that the person is "better" than you imagined (though they are different from the time you marry them, that growth is part of the beauty), it's that the marriage is blissful in ways you never foresaw. His analogy is good, imo.

empath75 7y ago

observing marriages and watching movies about marriages probably tells you as much about marriage as watching movies about computers and watching people type on computers will tell you about programming.

UncleMeat 7y ago

> But how many marriages resolve with discovering the person is way better than you imagined? Mine for sure. Keeps getting better and better as we grow closer. I find this to be the case in many happy relationships.