I was on gear for more than a decade until a strange incident one morning made me quit. I had started meditating after my workout for about 20 minutes - standa

I was on gear for more than a decade until a strange incident one morning made me quit. I had started meditating after my workout for about 20 minutes - standard "following the breath" stuff from Zen/vipassana. I'd been doing this for about 5 months. And after a session one morning, I was brushing my teeth in the mirror. I still had a pump from earlier, and was looking at the front deltoid in my right shoulder jump around as I brushed. And out of the blue, I was absolutely floored by the pointlessness of my workout regimen. I wasn't lifting for health - in fact, I was actually hurting myself in pursuit of a cluster of goals that revolved around a denial of reality. Mainly, I was 1) raging against the natural aging of my body, i.e. if I'm strong enough, then clearly I'm not getting older. And 2), I was pursuing a shallow admiration from other people, i.e. if women are attracted to my muscular shell and guys are a little intimidated, then deep down, I'm not really this insecure guy who struggles with social anxiety, right? And 3), the physical body is just so ephemeral. We're only granted a few decades of life, and did I really want to spend all of my waking hours in a self-oriented optimization of the appearance of a muscle-suit? These illusions just fell away for a few moments, and I couldn't pretend after that. After a few more weeks of my old routine, I tapered off the gear, cut my volume by like 2/3, and. . . lo and behold, had time for other hobbies. I started meeting people outside of the gym, started seeing a counselor for social anxiety, and generally started feeling like, I dunno, a more healthy human being again. I might wear a muscle-suit, but I am not completely identified/defined by it. I don't wake up in the middle of the night with aching hips & shoulders anymore, only to guzzle a shake so my gainz won't catabolize because I've gone 4 hours without protein. I still work out, but it's a more reasonable, balanced mix of strength training, cardio, mobility, etc. so that I can be a good dad for my two young kids. I might have gotten a late start on raising a family, but I'm putting my efforts into staying as healthy as possible for them, as well as for myself. I can only hope that you look within yourself to see the real reasons for your obsession. Maybe your situation is different, but my life has utterly changed for the better since I addressed the baggage that was originally motivating me.