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Corporate buzzwords are how workers pretend to be adults
- deleted 7y ago[deleted]
- flowerbrower 7y agoAh! http://unsuck-it.com/ http://unsuck-it.com/
- docdeek 7y agoA startup I worked for was constantly seeking to have everyone aligned on things. The original concept of having people pointed in the same direction was admirable, but it quickly became something like a capital-A ‘Aligned’ (meaning good) with the inverse capital-U ‘Unaligned’ being about the worst thing you could be. God help the person who found the word ‘Unaligned’ on their semester review...
- deleted 7y ago[deleted]
- jmnicolas 7y agoIt sounds like a cult !
- HenryBemis 7y agoAlignment: Chaotic Good! Those places are fun to work in, especially if you have already found another job and you are counting the days before you walk out the door.
- hyperpallium 7y agoThat sounds unaligned. Please report to the Alignment Center at your earliest convenience. Escorts will be available for your use in 20 seconds.
- kilroy_jones 7y agoThis may not sound the way you intended.
- ljm 7y agoI’ve tried to read that for a solid few minutes and still can’t see what else could have been intended.
- coldpie 7y ago"Escorts" is a term for high-end sex workers.
- lonelappde 7y ago"Escorts" is a term for someone who guides you somewhere.
- julian_t 7y agoSounds like the difference between "agile development" and "Agile development" ;-)
- friendlybus 7y agoWell this is a mean spirited attempt at destroying words that have meaning. Some people use them incorrectly and the nature of business moves on making them ineffective. Attacking them on multiple levels without describing when they are used in a positive sense seems unnecessary.
- MatekCopatek 7y agoCan you give an example of some words you feel are being unfairly criticized? I.e. words that actually carry more meaning then their "plain" alternatives.
- antiterra 7y ago‘Root cause’ is neither redundant nor simply a ‘corporate buzzword.’ It represents a clear concept of a causal chain with an underlying factor that gates all other contributing causes. The term has been around for a century and ‘root cause analysis’ is a formal construct in a number of professional contexts, including analysis of aviation incidents.
- phkahler 7y agoExcept when people use it as a verb as in "we need to root cause this".
- Macha 7y agoIt's got a clear brevity win over "we need to look into this to find the root cause" or "we need to perform a root cause analysis on this". This isn't the case for "resources" instead of "people", or deliberate obfuscation like the article's example of "we're happy to provide you with the paperwork to provide to your insurance company" instead of "we only take direct payments" or "your feedback is greatly appreciated" for "no" or "we have a new billing model to suit the next few years of sustainable development" for "we're raising prices"
- pas 7y ago
- cosmodisk 7y agoI had a "pleasure" to work briefly for Lionbridge when they acquired the company I worked for. We used to get these company wide emails about various things. You read it,sit and then think how can someone rape the language to a such degree. It was written in English but felt like alien language. The amount of bullshit one manages to squeeze in a sentence is quite astonishing. In my opinion, the main reason behind all these buzzwords is insecurity. People think that if they'd speak plain English (insert any language here), they'd be inferior.
- Cthulhu_ 7y agoOr that their true intentions / feelings would be exposed. I mean, "management wanted to curtail redundancies in the human resources area, and so, many workers are no longer viable members of the workforce" sounds much nicer than "yeah we fired a bunch of people".
- homonculus1 7y agoExactly, it's verbal defense-in-depth. When language has multiple layers of vagueness, you have to actively approach the real meaning through interpretation. Only the staunchly disagreeable are inclined to have a negative reaction through multiple iterations of reading between the lines, and if they speak up they get singled out as not-team-players or even cranks and kooks. The rest filter it through an attitude of generosity, desire for positivity, and benefit of doubt, so when they get the message its emotional weight is dampened, and they are in a suitable frame of mind to accept it with resignation. In short it's pure manipulation of your own tendencies for social cooperation. Perhaps a bit colorful to say on HN but--it's fucking disgusting. And multiple fields of high-paying professions consist entirely of doing this effectively, up to the scale of entire nations.
- Wooddar 7y agoThis problem is exactly why I decided to create my Slack app Whatis! https://whatis.rocks/ https://whatis.rocks/
- Zhyl 7y agoShouldn't it be "What are rocks?"
- Wooddar 7y agoYes but in this case “rocks” actually refers to our team’s project to migrate from Oracle MySQL to Postgres. Did they not cover that in your onboarding?
- Jestar342 7y agoit could easily be "What is 'rocks'?"
- Razengan 7y agoOr that the entity/object represented by the noun "WhatIs" rocks.
- rimliu 7y agoI sometimes use "whois X?", even if the correct form would be "what is?" or "who are?". Using and old IRCism is just more fun.
- Zhyl 7y agoI guess it would depend whether you were accessing the URL in the second or third person.
- Doches 7y agoI love Matt Levine's take on this: > From my time in investment banking I can easily believe that most investment banking transactions occur because investment bankers are pretending to do what investment bankers do, acting out scenes from “Liar’s Poker” until they start to seem real. I don’t know why investment banking would be different from any other industry. So sure, yeah, work is a kind of pretense.
- lonelappde 7y agoWhat did bankers do before Liars Poker? If Liars poker didn't reflect reality, why did he write it?
- deleted 7y ago[deleted]
- Psyladine 7y agoLiars Poker reflected a sudden and gross change in the industry due to hyper-success. They went from boring mortgage firms to the richest organizations in human history within a decade, and it distorted thinking and emotional responses, as lottery winnings are wont to.
- SimonSword 7y agoThis reminded me of the section about "Clutter" in the book "On writing well": > Clutter is the official language used by corporations to hide their mistakes. When the Digital Equipment Corporation eliminated 3,000 jobs its statement didn’t mention layoffs; those were “involuntary methodologies.” When an Air Force missile crashed, it “impacted with the ground prematurely.”
- docdeek 7y ago> When an Air Force missile crashed, it “impacted with the ground prematurely.” When I was a youngster in the Army Cadets in Australia I was told by one of the regular Army seargeants that no one in his company was ever “lost”. They could be “temporarily spatially displaced” but getting lost was strictly forbidden.
- Cthulhu_ 7y agoI like how in Kerbal Space Program, you don't crash, you "lithobrake". Like airbraking only on something with a bit more resistance.
- sethammons 7y agoI had a science teacher who would kill mice before feeding them to his snake. His method was "rapid deceleration" (he threw them at the ground).
- WorldPeas 7y agoOur science teacher in the 7th grade made a model coliseum out of foam-core and would release crickets into it for her lizards to eat during homeroom
- sethammons 7y agoThat's fantastic haha.
- therockspush 7y ago
- jon-wood 7y agoI’m curious when people swapped the word reply with revert. I keep seeing people use phrases like “I’ll revert” when what they mean is “I’ll look into that and get back to you”. Particularly working in software I always have to stop myself when the initial reaction is that they’ve just said they’ll undo what I’ve requested.
- taejo 7y agoI believe that this usage is archaic in British business English rather than an innovation! However, it was conserved in business English in India and some other countries, and perhaps the increased interaction between Americans and Indians and in the software industry means you're just exposed to it more often?
- tomatocracy 7y agoThe word revert, with this meaning, is still in widespread use in business in Britain too, in my experience.
- growlist 7y agoDoubtful. I've worked in the UK for more than 20 years, and the only time I've ever heard this usage is within outsourced IT providers in India.
- tomatocracy 7y agoPerhaps it's industry specific but in finance/investment I see it used all the time (and I use it myself - I'm a Brit).
- jon-wood 7y agoI’ve seen the word used in that context at two different UK companies.
- bartread 7y agoNot in the circles I run in. If somebody said that in a meeting it would be so weird I'd probably question it because, and particularly in our environment, I'm pretty sure it would confuse everyone.
- MatekCopatek 7y agoI sometimes use business talk as a tool to make countering my points unattractive when having public discussions inside the company. For example - let's say your boss decides to introduce some mandatory meeting that everyone agrees is useless. Rather then complaining about it in normal language, I would say things like "well, one of our core values is delighting clients, which I would be able to do much more efficiently if we would iterate on our process and try to optimize the time currently used by this meeting". The example is intentionally simplified and the response is exaggerated, but you get the point - they are the ones encouraging you to use those phrases, which makes it more difficult for them to push back when you do it against them. The only real risk is a coworker bursting into laughter in the middle of such an exchange.
- ForHackernews 7y ago> difficult for them to push back Describing pushing back on push-back with "push back".
- Droobfest 7y agoThis is just effective communication though? I don't understand why your post is phrased so negatively. Some buzzwords have a sort of standardised meaning across a company so everyone knows what you're talking about. "We agreed that delighting clients is important and I argue that I can better optimize it by not attending" There is nothing wrong with this? Sure I'd agree customer satisfaction is a much better word for it.
- MatekCopatek 7y agoI disagree, what I would want to say in such a situation is simply "this meeting is useless, let me get back to work", but I would be percieved as a grumpy developer with an attitude. I wouldn't call all the sugarcoating effective communication as I expect everyone in the company to understand that not wasting people's time will let them do more work and benefit the customer in the end.
- kjakm 7y ago
- czzr 7y agoAll areas of practice have their own jargon, words that superficially sound similar to regular English but actually have specific insider meaning that promotes faster in-group communication (and a degree of in-group signalling) - this is true for scientists, software engineers, yoga instructors and yes, business people.
- thaumasiotes 7y ago> All areas of practice have their own jargon, words that superficially sound similar to regular English but actually have specific insider meaning Related: coverage of the recent cum-ex scandals has often included the factoid that "cum-ex" is from the Latin for "with-without". Of course this isn't true. While cum is Latin for "with", the Latin for "without" is sine -- ex is Latin for "from". Instead, as used in the name of the scandal and the operations behind it, ex is ordinary English financial jargon for "without".
- tomatocracy 7y agoEx as a prefix does ultimately derive from Latin here but meaning "outside" (hence eg excommunicated or exclave), not "without". This makes sense linguistically because the entitlement to the dividend is outside the scope of what's being bought and sold in the trade.
- thaumasiotes 7y agoThe meaning of ex in ex-dividend is not "outside". As originally used in the financial jargon ex-dividend date, ex is used correctly and has the sense "after (in time)". That is, if you buy something ex-dividend, the dividend has already been paid (you're buying after the payment), and so you won't get it. [1] It's sense II in Lewis and Short ( http://www.perseus.tufts.edu/hopper/text?doc=Perseus%3Atext%3A1999.04.0059%3Aentry%3Dex http://www.perseus.tufts.edu/hopper/text?doc=Perseus%3Atext%... ) (Note sense II.A.2, which gives us the more vernacular English prefix ex-, as in ex-wife.) "Outside" is not even one of the many senses of ex in Latin; ex always has a sense related to the core concept of "from". "Outside" is extra. [1] For some reason, the ex-dividend date is one day before the actual payment, but the idea is still that you're buying after the date of the dividend.
- praptak 7y agoCorporate buzzwords are also how to say things that you can weasel out of later.
- undebuggable 7y agoAs we are at the word play, TIL "turgid", "shibboleth", "cloying", "hackneyed", "wheelhouse", "iconoclast". To native English speakers I advice to try at least once in their career an employer with English as a business language but not headquartered in any Anglosphere country, where English is a second language to the most employees - the communication dynamics in such environments is quite different and the American corporate newspeak doesn't stick.
- blaser-waffle 7y ago+1 to this. We have a lot of offshore support teams, and I've lost close to 20 minutes explaining "nitty-gritty"
- yesbabyyes 7y agoIt may not be quite the same thing, but this reminds me of Venkatesh Rao's "Posture talk" from his Gervais Principle series: https://www.ribbonfarm.com/2009/11/11/the-gervais-principle-ii-posturetalk-powertalk-babytalk-and-gametalk/ https://www.ribbonfarm.com/2009/11/11/the-gervais-principle-...
- deleted 7y ago[deleted]
- CheesecakeFred 7y agoI was going to comment on this article, but realized it is futile to go into detail and critizise it at this place. Simply put I would stay far away from articles and people thinking the way Venkatesh Rao exhibits here. Highly toxic and inhumane management bullshit.
- blaser-waffle 7y agoI've come to the same conclusion after reading the article a few times. It pops up on HN a lot. It's a hilarious and dark read, and certainly has grains of truth, but framing your worldview around that is silly and dangerous. Rao is a good writer, but he's filtering a parody comic through a parody show, with additions from Dilbert (another parody), and supplements the arguments with examples from management gurus of questionable relevance. It's like Jean Baudrillard's Simulacra, where it's a simulation (parody) filtered through another simulation filtered through another simulation until you have something that doesn't reflect reality.
- RaceWon 7y agoIs it really word play: Car Insurance is sold via a talking "cartoonesque lizard", medications that may help your dry skin (or possibly kill you--depending on your particular physiology) are also sold at times via similar talking animated creatures--or implied peer pressure... I could go on and on. So I often ask: how mature or advanced are we really? I personally, am not Impressed.
- mysterydip 7y agoI saw this in the DoD when I was a contractor. Meetings full of buzzwords and abbreviations, some of which seemed to be tribal knowledge more than an actual thing. Things like "that solution won't work because of ABCD," and everyone nods in agreement. I had written down every abbreviation I heard to ask my supervisor later, and some he (and others) couldn't tell me what they stood for, despite being there for decades.
- Krasnol 7y agoI worked once for a big global F500 company whose name is a abbreviation. In a meeting while we've been waiting I asked around if anybody knows what it actually means. Some tried to make up something. Everybody failed to come up with the actual meaning.
- vector_spaces 7y ago"The great enemy of clear language is insincerity. When there is a gap between one's real and one's declared aims, one turns as it were instinctively to long words and exhausted idioms, like a cuttlefish spurting out ink. ... A man may take to drink because he feels himself to be a failure, and then fail all the more completely because he drinks. It is rather the same thing that is happening to the English language. It becomes ugly and inaccurate because our thoughts are foolish, but the slovenliness of our language makes it easier for us to have foolish thoughts." https://www.orwell.ru/library/essays/politics/english/e_polit https://www.orwell.ru/library/essays/politics/english/e_poli...
- greendestiny_re 7y agoBlizzard developer interviews often involve phrases from the Dictionary of Management Jargon [1]. Consider this excerpt from an interview [2] with Steven Chang and David Kosak done on February 6, 2020 regarding the Galakrond's Awakening expansion for Hearthstone after the players complained about the game being unbalanced: >In terms of the minor balance changes we’ve been doing recently, it’s something where we want to try and see where we can strike that balance where the community feels happy about it without introducing too much change so that the game feels completely different. This is a fine line to walk, and we will always be watching and listening to the community about the amount and timings of changes. No actual detail is given on anything, it's all empty feelgood sentences. Entire paragraphs go on like this, stating opinions and desires as outlined in the DoMJ: >Statements of desires – A statement that something is hoped for does not imply any action is to be taken to ensure the desired outcome. Example: I want us all to be happy with our compensation. 1. http://dictionaryofmanagementjargon.yolasite.com/ http://dictionaryofmanagementjargon.yolasite.com/ 2. https://www.hearthstonetopdecks.com/interview-with-hearthstone-game-designers-dave-kosak-stephen-chang-galakronds-awakening-a-year-long-storyline-and-the-shaman-fiasco/ https://www.hearthstonetopdecks.com/interview-with-hearthsto...
- granshaw 7y agoTwo of the more recent ones that really grate me are “lift” (which isn’t even used consistently, eg “what is the lift (effort) on this” and “how much lift (benefit) would this give us”)... and “North Star” shudder
- bballer 7y agoHaven't heard the "lift" one yet but it feels like a bunch of high school students trying to create their own internal jargon which makes them appear more "hip" per se. Just replace a word with another, adding 0 value and excluding those who don't "get it" therefore creating an exclusivity around it's usage. Also the "North Star" one, whew, shudder is correct. Let's bury that one forever.
- cormacrelf 7y agoThere was a great piece on this yesterday by Molly Young. In my opinion, it was significantly better. It contained this excellent point: > As the leaked Slacks make clear, Korey, as well as her employees, were working under the new conditions of surveillance-state capitalism (or, from the company’s perspective, a culture of “inclusion and transparency”). One reason for the uptick in garbage language is exactly this sense of nonstop supervision. Employers can read emails and track keystrokes and monitor locations and clock the amount of time their employees spend noodling on Twitter. In an environment of constant auditing, it’s safer to use words that signify nothing and can be stretched to mean anything, just in case you’re caught and required to defend yourself. https://www.thecut.com/2020/02/spread-of-corporate-speak.html https://www.thecut.com/2020/02/spread-of-corporate-speak.htm...
- lonelappde 7y agoAnd this has always been true in PR and board room battles, but now is seeping to everwhere. Perhaps the rank and file will start to understand how execs and politicians have always suffered from the microscope.
- stevespang 7y agoAdd "non-trivial" to the list . . .
- mclightning 7y agoAre workers not adults? I thought child labour was forbidden.
- ajryan 7y agoAnother, better-written take on this: https://www.thecut.com/2020/02/spread-of-corporate-speak.html https://www.thecut.com/2020/02/spread-of-corporate-speak.htm...
- mr_overalls 7y agoThis kind of language usage isn't limited to fitting in socially in the business world. People use overly-elaborate language to appear intelligent or innovative, too. I once spent some time learning a martial art whose founder had replaced all of the standard names for movement and techniques with novel, quasi-technical-sounding ones. "Multiple attackers" became "plural assailants", "breathing technique" became "respiratory enhancement". "Sparring" became "fisticuffs". Etc. It was maddening, because he would correct students who slipped up and failed to use his terminology. https://www.usadojo.com/ross-performance-enhancement-system/ https://www.usadojo.com/ross-performance-enhancement-system/
- badrabbit 7y agoThere are people that love this stuff. Mind boggling to me how people can write pages and listen to hours on end. Some jobs require you to make speeches and write pages and pages of this lawsuit unfriendly botton line oriented language. Insane.
- therockspush 7y agoThis article has a clear value-prop. We can table this discussion for now. Lets take it offline.
- dx7tnt 7y agoArticle didn't even italicise its own use of "slide deck" which I thought was a nonsensical name for a pdf/PowerPoint when I first heard it used by some Londonian startup wallies.
- dTal 7y agoI don't have anything to contribute, apart from a link to a comic which sums it up hilariously: http://www.amazingsuperpowers.com/2013/03/business-men/ http://www.amazingsuperpowers.com/2013/03/business-men/