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Contrived wooden questions like these would be a solid reason to not work for a manager. If someone isn't able to empathise with other humans well enough to di

Contrived wooden questions like these would be a solid reason to not work for a manager. If someone isn't able to empathise with other humans well enough to discover how they're doing without trying to artificially manipulate a conversation with a checklist, they certainly shouldn't be managing anybody. Just talk. Do it often and do it honestly. That's all.

rwilson4 7y ago
I treat them as prompts. I’ll give my team as much fore notice as possible what the topic will be and ask them to really think about the question in advance. Otherwise the conversations are often shallow. My team often writes out their thoughts and we go through it, it’s been pretty successful I think!
- lonelappde 7y ago
  That's giving them extra homework and stress on top of worrying about deliverables and the problems they already care about.
  - rwilson4 7y ago
    That may be their perspective, true! But if so I would consider that a red flag indicating burn out. Why are they so worried about deliverables? Do they feel the timelines are too aggressive? Are they really so overloaded they can’t take 20 minutes to think about their work from a different perspective? What other problems do they care about? As a manager I need to tease out these things. But each team is unique; what works for my team might not work for yours! In 4 years of doing 1:1s this way, at different companies and with dozens of teammates, I have received mostly positive feedback. And I’ve definitely adapted the process to address concerns. But again, every person has their own individual needs and preferences.
  - rwilson4 7y ago
    Also, if you don’t mind me asking, what kind of support from your manager would be helpful in this situation?
  - nilkn 7y ago
    While I sympathize with your viewpoint, ultimately if your manager is trying hard to improve your life at work and you just find ways to convert that into a negative and a major source of stress, I can't help but interpret that as a huge red flag that needs to be examined in detail. Either you fundamentally have a bad attitude and are going to be unhappy and stressed no matter what even when your manager is going out of their way to help you, or there's something wrong with the way some projects are going, or deadlines are unreasonable, etc.
gear54rus 7y ago
I take it this would help you map out areas of what should be asked. Maybe the person isn't opening up or maybe you sense something is amiss but you can't quite figure out what. We're all humans and we can forget things or have trouble viewing things through someone else's perspective. Nobody is telling you to go through the whole list like a robot.
pfarrell 7y ago
I read the list as inspiration for opening new conversation when you run out of things to talk about, not as a script to be read verbatim. If you’re a manager, a danger is that you end up with blind spots from only talking about the positive or getting confirmation bias. I see this list as prompts to break out of that trap. A danger of the 1:1 is they devolve into status updates.
- PragmaticPulp 7y ago
  > I read the list as inspiration for opening new conversation when you run out of things to talk about IMO, if you've already covered all of the topics in other meetings then you shouldn't extend the 1-on-1 for the sake of filling time. Let people get back to work.
deleted 7y ago
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BurningFrog 7y ago
> Just talk. Do it often and do it honestly. That's all. One good thing to always keep in mind: What comes easy and effortlessly to you can be a real struggle for others. Some people need help with things that you find utterly trivial, just like you probably struggle with things others excel effortlessly at.
- sweeneyrod 7y ago
  People have different strengths and weaknesses, and should try to find jobs that fit theirs. It seems doubtful that someone for whom the conversation starter suggestion "How’s it going?" is useful has the strengths needed to make management a good choice.
yankit 7y ago
From my past experience as an Engineering Manager, I can say that some people wait for 1-on-1 meetings and these questions to clarify some things. Not everyone is ok to share their thoughts immediately.

rwilson4 7y ago

I treat them as prompts. I’ll give my team as much fore notice as possible what the topic will be and ask them to really think about the question in advance. Otherwise the conversations are often shallow. My team often writes out their thoughts and we go through it, it’s been pretty successful I think!

lonelappde 7y ago
That's giving them extra homework and stress on top of worrying about deliverables and the problems they already care about.
- rwilson4 7y ago
  That may be their perspective, true! But if so I would consider that a red flag indicating burn out. Why are they so worried about deliverables? Do they feel the timelines are too aggressive? Are they really so overloaded they can’t take 20 minutes to think about their work from a different perspective? What other problems do they care about? As a manager I need to tease out these things. But each team is unique; what works for my team might not work for yours! In 4 years of doing 1:1s this way, at different companies and with dozens of teammates, I have received mostly positive feedback. And I’ve definitely adapted the process to address concerns. But again, every person has their own individual needs and preferences.
- rwilson4 7y ago
  Also, if you don’t mind me asking, what kind of support from your manager would be helpful in this situation?
- nilkn 7y ago
  While I sympathize with your viewpoint, ultimately if your manager is trying hard to improve your life at work and you just find ways to convert that into a negative and a major source of stress, I can't help but interpret that as a huge red flag that needs to be examined in detail. Either you fundamentally have a bad attitude and are going to be unhappy and stressed no matter what even when your manager is going out of their way to help you, or there's something wrong with the way some projects are going, or deadlines are unreasonable, etc.

gear54rus 7y ago

I take it this would help you map out areas of what should be asked. Maybe the person isn't opening up or maybe you sense something is amiss but you can't quite figure out what. We're all humans and we can forget things or have trouble viewing things through someone else's perspective. Nobody is telling you to go through the whole list like a robot.

pfarrell 7y ago

I read the list as inspiration for opening new conversation when you run out of things to talk about, not as a script to be read verbatim. If you’re a manager, a danger is that you end up with blind spots from only talking about the positive or getting confirmation bias. I see this list as prompts to break out of that trap. A danger of the 1:1 is they devolve into status updates.

PragmaticPulp 7y ago
> I read the list as inspiration for opening new conversation when you run out of things to talk about IMO, if you've already covered all of the topics in other meetings then you shouldn't extend the 1-on-1 for the sake of filling time. Let people get back to work.

deleted 7y ago

[deleted]

BurningFrog 7y ago

> Just talk. Do it often and do it honestly. That's all. One good thing to always keep in mind: What comes easy and effortlessly to you can be a real struggle for others. Some people need help with things that you find utterly trivial, just like you probably struggle with things others excel effortlessly at.

sweeneyrod 7y ago
People have different strengths and weaknesses, and should try to find jobs that fit theirs. It seems doubtful that someone for whom the conversation starter suggestion "How’s it going?" is useful has the strengths needed to make management a good choice.

yankit 7y ago

From my past experience as an Engineering Manager, I can say that some people wait for 1-on-1 meetings and these questions to clarify some things. Not everyone is ok to share their thoughts immediately.