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You state that your friend loves his kid, but the larger picture you paint is that the kid is a thing that your friend will not keep and that your friend would

You state that your friend loves his kid, but the larger picture you paint is that the kid is a thing that your friend will not keep and that your friend would be better off at least financially (somehow) without them. Your description of your friend and the situation makes me feel like your friend is very self centered. How does your friend conclude that being "single" is going to improve your their financial situation? That seems to fly directly in the face of your prior statement that both parents make "6 figure salaries" and that "income isn't an issue". If he wants a better financial situation then he should explore if there are tax advantages to being actually married. There likely are. Two adults (one with a child) are rather unlikely to see an an improved cash flow by living in two homes. Unless of course your friend hopes to just ditch his financial responsibilities... In my opinion, Your friend needs to "man-up" and accept his responsibilities particularly with respect to being a father. Likely their partner does as well. That almost assuredly means re-prioritizing the family and particularly the child over things that had top priority before the child was born. As a father, I know the initial sting that comes with a loss of a prior life and the changes in family dynamics following the birth of your first child. I can assure your friend that many of the aspects that make toddlers a challenge diminish from this point forward. Your friend stands on the edge of a terrible decision, not just for their child but for themselves as well. The joy of being a parent is more than equal to the responsibilities. Your friend and their partner loved each other in the not too distant past. If they reflect on the things that brought them together in the first place (probably with counseling) and make the life changes necessary to prioritize their family then I feel like they have a chance of rebuilding that love.

staticautomatic 7y ago
I was totally with you until the second half of the last paragraph.
rxsel 7y ago
I’ll try to summarize the major points a bit better. The two parents don’t feel anything for one another, but are great partners in terms of parenting. There isn’t any attraction, affection, etc. Just a joint desire to enable their child to blossom, succeed, and flourish. Not married, relationship started like any other, baby came, parents raised child. Both 6 figure incomes from remote jobs. Although not married, both parents live and pool their incomes together. Both parents also decided to pool and tackle their debts together (refinance, balance transfers to joint accounts, joint auto loans etc.). Both accepted the responsibilities of that. They were both okay with it because their incomes and debts were practically identical. Overtime lifestyle inflation became a huge problem and a burden on the relationship. Both individuals come from completely different backgrounds which translates into their different monetary habits which they clashed over... If separated both would be free to do whatever with their $ Which both have expressed is an overall net positive since they each disagree with how the other spends. There’s no major toxic behavior. But again also no desire to be together. The dynamic is essentially all of the restrictions that come with being in a relationship with none of the positive aspects except for the stellar team work when it comes to parenting. The child would, upon separation, leave and reside 4 hours away. There are multiple avenues here. One is stay as a family unit but leave for a place my friend personally does not want to move to. Split and follow the child considering remote work and income allows it. Or split, co parent, and live elsewhere (which is what friend would’ve done otherwise considering their situation)? Should they stay together FOR THE CHILD? Yes or no and why is what my friend is really wondering.

staticautomatic 7y ago

I was totally with you until the second half of the last paragraph.

rxsel 7y ago

I’ll try to summarize the major points a bit better. The two parents don’t feel anything for one another, but are great partners in terms of parenting. There isn’t any attraction, affection, etc. Just a joint desire to enable their child to blossom, succeed, and flourish. Not married, relationship started like any other, baby came, parents raised child. Both 6 figure incomes from remote jobs. Although not married, both parents live and pool their incomes together. Both parents also decided to pool and tackle their debts together (refinance, balance transfers to joint accounts, joint auto loans etc.). Both accepted the responsibilities of that. They were both okay with it because their incomes and debts were practically identical. Overtime lifestyle inflation became a huge problem and a burden on the relationship. Both individuals come from completely different backgrounds which translates into their different monetary habits which they clashed over... If separated both would be free to do whatever with their $ Which both have expressed is an overall net positive since they each disagree with how the other spends. There’s no major toxic behavior. But again also no desire to be together. The dynamic is essentially all of the restrictions that come with being in a relationship with none of the positive aspects except for the stellar team work when it comes to parenting. The child would, upon separation, leave and reside 4 hours away. There are multiple avenues here. One is stay as a family unit but leave for a place my friend personally does not want to move to. Split and follow the child considering remote work and income allows it. Or split, co parent, and live elsewhere (which is what friend would’ve done otherwise considering their situation)? Should they stay together FOR THE CHILD? Yes or no and why is what my friend is really wondering.